


Light in the Dark

by sherlocks_left_nipple



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BAMF Leia Organa, Bad Parent Han Solo, Badass Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Birth Control, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dark Past, Devoted Kylo Ren, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Empress Rey, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Evil Plans, F/M, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Forbidden Love, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force-Sensitive Leia Organa, Hate to Love, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Internal Conflict, Jedi, Kissing, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Loss of Parent(s), Loss of Virginity, Love/Hate, Mentioned Han Solo, Minor Finn/Rose Tico, Misuse of the Force, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Canon Compliant, Parents Han and Leia, Past Leia Organa/Han Solo, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Kink, Pregnant Rey (Star Wars), Pregnant Sex, Protective Poe Dameron, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey & Rose Tico Are Best Friends, Rey & Rose Tico Friendship, Rey Needs A Hug, Rose Tico Deserved Better, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sith Code, Slow Burn, Smut, Soft Ben Solo, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, Tags May Change, That's Not How The Force Works, The Dark Side of the Force, The Force, Threats of Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy, Virgin Ben Solo, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), my attempt at semi-slow-burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 77,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25004830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sherlocks_left_nipple/pseuds/sherlocks_left_nipple
Summary: There had always been something pulling Rey to him. Whether it was the force, fate, or maybe even something inside Rey herself that she could not understand, she was drawn to Kylo like a moth to a flame, and he to her. He had Ben in him, after all.With the Force continuing to bring the two of them together, Rey is forced to acknowledge the connection between the two of them, and the bond they so obviously share. But will this connection to the Dark Side corrupt Rey, or will it be the key factor in bringing Ben back?(TW: Pregnancy, References to Prostitution, Self-Hate, and a non-con moment {don’t worry, there is a warning beforehand if you need to skip it})Playlist for Rey and Ben (With hidden hints for upcoming chapters): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2joogD0BJd09aakVdofbib?si=3Kqy6FFkR_OoSyE7pr2ROA
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Han Solo/Leia Organa, Kylo Ren/Rey, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 172
Kudos: 150





	1. A Sight For Sore Eyes

Rey had always been alone. But she had never felt lonely. Not like this. 

She tried to ignore it, as futile as her attempts might be. The connection between her and Ben Solo was so incredibly invasive, reaching into not only her mind but her heart, baring herself completely to him. And Rey could feel him, always, whether she wanted to or not. While Rey did not mind being able to easily see the light parts of Kylo Ren, she hated being so incredibly vulnerable to his darkness. Even with the vastness of lightyears of space between them, Rey could feel Kylo’s pain, his rage, his...well Rey wasn’t quite sure what that other feeling was. It was new to her, and apparently to him as well. Rey did her best to push Kylo away, building a wall between them. Her own emotions confused her, distracted her. It was safer that way, she had convinced herself. She could not allow herself to falter or break. Not when there was so much at stake. But Kylo’s pain was genuinely starting to affect her day-to-day life. She struggled to focus on her studies of the Force and could no longer meditate like she used to. This distraction was causing Rey great frustration.

It’s not as if she had not thought about taking his hand.

Rey would have been a fool not to. The power she felt fighting side-by-side with Ben was more than she could describe. It made something stir inside of her that she could not understand, but desperately wanted more of. Even in the elevator, before they came face-to-face with Snoke, there was something unmistakable filling the air between them. Every exchange of words was like a dance. She would push and he would pull, each movement anticipated by the other. There was nothing like it. Fighting at his side, it was like time stood still. She had never felt that before with anyone. They were so much stronger together. Once the fight was over, Rey had begged Ben to save the rest of the fleet, but found him much more invested in the emptiness of Snoke’s throne than saving everyone else. It destroyed her inside. She believed in him, in them, and in what they could do together.

 _Join me...please._ The words were seared into her soul and echoed in her mind late at night. Rey was so incredibly tempted to reach out and take his hand, if not only to simply touch him again.

But to let her friends, her only semblance of family die? She couldn’t do that. And certainly that’s what would happen if she had taken his hand. Kylo wouldn’t have just let them go, she was not naive. And anyway, Rey was supposed to be a beacon of hope for the Resistance, a fighter! She was the last known Jedi. Rey couldn’t betray them for the temptations the Dark Side, and Ben himself, held for her. She was not offered that luxury.

It’s not as if she didn’t care for him. No matter how dark and evil he could be, Rey knew that Ben was still a part of him. She would not let that go. Not for anything. There was no way he could be aware of the connection between them and not see that. At least that’s what Rey thought.

Rey and the Resistance were somewhere in the vastness of space, searching for a safe place where their location could not easily be detected. Rey was fortunate enough to have found some space on the busy spacecraft to be alone. She decided to change and get cleaned up before going to bed. As she passed in front of the bathroom mirror, Rey realized she looked particularly exhausted. She hadn’t gotten a good nights sleep since she left Crait, and Ben Solo behind. Nightmares plagued her frequently, and this scared her. Jedi didn’t have nightmares. 

There was an enormous amount of pressure on her to strengthen her connection with the Force. Rey was to be a symbol for the Resistance. It was decided. And she was meant to fit that role. Rey had found a home amongst her allies, she couldn’t let them down. But it was not easy to live with all these expectations upon her, especially with all the unseen conflict in her heart. 

Rey allowed herself to relax for a moment, undressing before washing off under the stream of barely warm water the refresher provided. Rey sighed, letting the water cascade down her back and chest. She was sore, always. Rey rarely ever allowed herself a break from her training. It wouldn’t be long now before she gave out from the weights placed on her shoulders.

When Rey left the shower, she dried herself off, wrapping her hair up into a messy bun before changing into a simple wrap that covered her breasts and some warm leggings. She carried her dirty clothes to her room, reminding herself to clean them in the morning. It wasn’t as if she had many garments laying around to pile up.

Rey sighed, tossing her clothes into a bin by her bed. Her need to meditate and study granted her a room all by herself. It was beneficial in many ways, especially when Rey found herself feeling as worn out as she was. It was exhausting to keep up with all the responsibilities and expectations that were placed upon her. Rey couldn’t understand how it all came to this. She was a nobody, a scavenger, yet she had this connection to the Force, with Ben. But why? What for? It was obvious that Snoke was not responsible for their bond. Even now that he was dead, she could still reach out to Ben. They had connected since then. Sometimes Rey wondered if she was doing the right thing, ignoring Ben and their bond. And if she was, why did it hurt so much?

Rey laid down on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She wondered if Ben might be doing the same. He was the enemy, Rey reminded herself. It was silly for her to waste her time wondering about someone who was likely plotting her death.

“Ugh.” Rey groaned.

Rey closed her eyes. As much as she disliked sleep now that she could rarely do it peacefully, she needed to get some rest. She had training to do, and tomorrow she and the rest of the Resistance would find a temporary home on a new planet. Rey would likely be kept busy, helping lay the ground work for a base for the Resistance.

Rey had almost fallen asleep when she felt something. Her heart leaped in her chest at the familiar feeling of Ben’s Force signature. It surrounded her in an instant and Rey felt goosebumps form all over her skin. She reached for her saber, taking it in hand, ready to defend herself from his intrusion.

Ben himself jolted as he appeared in front of Rey, and found his saber quickly and instinctively drawn to his hand.

Ben’s large, muscular frame looked so odd when placed in the confining space of her room. He was stood by her bedroom door, dressed in all black as always. Rey hadn’t realized how small her bed was until compared to Ben’s enormous stature. Rey let her heart beat begin to slow and did her best to mask her shock, replacing it instead with her usual firm expression. She had a lump in her throat and prayed he couldn’t tell.

“What are you doing here?” She asked, voice accusatory.

Ben’s expression masked his surprise, and if Rey had been more observant, she might have even noticed how his cheeks darkened at the sight of her. He looked around. 

“You act as though I have any control over this,” Ben replied, tone flat. “I haven’t tried to reach you in...weeks.” 

That was a lie. Ben’s heart and mind betrayed him. Rey could feel it, and gave Ben a knowing look. He sighed and turned his saber off, tossing in to the floor. There was no use fighting. They both knew that their sabers would do no damage when they appeared to each other like this. And it wasn’t as if Ben would ever want to hurt her. Maybe the dark parts of him did, if only to let him get some sleep again. 

Rey couldn’t help but wonder what the purpose of this meeting was. Rey had tried her best to shut Ben out, although her heart rejected the very idea of it. She needed to build her walls up high. She learned that a long time ago. Rey couldn’t believe she could have allowed Ben to break through them. Ben’s anger and confusion flooded through her. Although she knew she should be scared, Rey couldn’t help but want to reach out and touch him. Ben Solo was not a dangerous man, Kylo Ren was. She didn’t touch him though, keeping a cautious distance and sitting up in her bed.

“Something is troubling you,” Rey stated, matter-of-factly. “I can feel it.” Rey allowed herself a moment to take in his features, trying to see through to how he really felt. He looked so tired, eyes slightly bloodshot. He was still so...alluring to her. Even as tired and upset as he was, Ben was incredibly attractive. Rey could feel Ben push back at her mental intrusion, looking at her with great skepticism. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t care.” Rey added, voice softening a bit. 

Ben did not reply immediately. He watched over Rey, unsure of her intentions. He had been so sure Rey would take his hand when they were in Snoke’s throne room. How could he be sure of anything after that?

“Just haven’t been sleeping well.” He replied, keeping his emotions below the surface. Rey wouldn’t pry, though she knew he was lying.

Rey felt Ben tense as Rey stepped out of bed to walk towards him. Ben looked back to her. For a moment, his eyes flickered quickly from her almost bare chest back to her face and a warmth rose within both of them. Rey watched Ben carefully.

“Why do you think the force keeps bringing us together?” She asked softly, eyes wandering down to Ben’s hands which laid at his sides. They were balled into fists. She could see scars all over his ungloved hands. _“From training...”_ she thought to herself. She raised her gaze to meet Ben’s again. He looked back at her longingly, as if there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do. But he couldn’t. Not then. Rey found herself longing too, watching Ben’s face flicker with confusion as she moved closer towards him.

“I’m not sure,” Kylo replied tentatively, watching Rey’s face carefully as she moved. “It’s something bigger than us. Something the Force is leading us to.” He added. He let his gaze flicker across the freckles on Rey’s face. The energy in the air around them was electrifying. They both danced around the obvious, neither of them acknowledging what happened on Crait. It was nearly suffocating. Silence fell between them for a moment before Ben spoke again. 

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He stated, taking a step forward. There was no emotion in his tone, but Rey could feel it in the air. Rey took a careful step back to keep her distance. 

The two stared at each other for a moment until Rey felt her cheeks flush. She averted her gaze and looked down. “Perhaps I have. You have been particularly distracting.” Rey knew what Ben wanted to hear, but she couldn’t say it. They both felt it on Crait and after, that tugging feeling inside that constantly pulled them together. Rey would deny it. It was easier that way, to simply pretend that she did not care. But she knew that _he knew_ the truth. Ben looked at her with haunted eyes. His desires raged a war inside of him. Rey was everything he wanted, everything the light in him needed. They created a perfect balance of light and dark, something that the universe needed.

“Do not pretend you didn’t feel it,” Kylo’s voice was firm, but when Rey looked up to meet his gaze, his expression seemed more sad than anything. “I killed for you! I gave you my hand! I was ready to give you everything you could ever have wanted and you left me!” He snapped, expression changing quickly to one of frustration, hurt, and confusion. Ben turned around, knocking over shelves and tables in his quarters. Though Rey could not see his surroundings, she could hear and feel each piece of shattered glass and broken furniture. Rey stepped back, cautious of this sudden rage within Ben. There was a beat of silence following Ben’s outburst, where nothing was heard besides Ben’s labored breath. 

“I couldn’t just leave my friends to die, Ben,” Rey shot back, her voice angry, yet burdened by pain. “Be serious. You did not only kill Snoke for me. It was to benefit yourself. You don’t...I care for you, Ben,” Rey was finally able to meet Ben’s eyes as she spoke.

“So much that’s it’s insufferable.” A hot tear fell down Rey’s cheek.

Ben was silent for a moment, taking in her every word. How he hated to see her cry...He didn’t need to reach through the Force to know her words were true. His heart was shattering inside his chest. Did she really think he killed Snoke to be Supreme Leader?

“Is it really so hard for you to believe that I might want you? That I might care for you?” Ben asked, voice breaking. He looked down, unclenching his jaw. The air was thick with emotion, drowning them both in all the things they wished they could say.

“Ben.” Rey was taken back by his words. She looked at Ben with all her emotion and pain. 

“You might think that you are a nobody, but you aren’t. Not to me. There is something powerful between us, Rey. Can’t you feel it?“ Ben asked, tearful. He reached out his hand to Rey, much like he had in Snoke’s throne room. But this time, Rey would take it. 

They were both nearly brought to their knees by the surge of emotion that passed through them as Rey’s fingers brushed Ben's. Every moment they’d ever shared together flooded both their minds until tears ran freely from Rey’s eyes as well as Ben’s. 

Ben had not been shown much love or compassion or empathy. He had been abandoned so many times before and to watch Rey walk away from him nearly destroyed him. Neither he nor Rey knew much love growing up, but they could feel it, more deeply than they’d ever felt anything before. Rey stayed quiet for a moment, thinking. She swallowed, trying to rid herself of the lump in her throat. She took a step closer to Ben. He was tense, trying to keep himself together and apprehensive to what Rey’s reaction might be. 

“This bond between us is unlike anything I’ve ever known,” Rey whispered. “And it is painful to continue to ignore it...so I won’t,” Ben met Rey’s gaze and suddenly it was hard to breathe. She cleared her throat, trying to return to her normal self. “I think it is in our best interests if we try to understand it together.” Rey looked at Ben, trying her best to stay composed.

Ben paused for a moment. It wasn’t the response he wanted, but he had to take what he could get. “Agreed.”

There was so much conflict inside him, tearing him apart. He had admired Rey before he even knew her. He had seen visions for ages and once he felt her through their bond, his dreams were only ever of her. He thought it best to step away, afraid he might do something foolish and ruin this, but that’s when Rey pulled him close. 

Every cell, every atom within him was beaming with light. She was everything good in the world. And he had done so many horrible things...he would never deserve her. Ben was surprised at first but eventually held her back. Ben allowed himself to relish in her light, knowing that at any moment she might fade away from him again. Neither one of them experienced much physical affection in their lives, making this an incredibly emotional and overwhelming experience. She was so beautiful. She was so pure. It seemed like everything should repel them from each other. Kylo did not deserve her light. But yet the force still pushed them together. While he did continue to wonder why, he really couldn’t care less at that moment. 

“We both need to get some sleep,” Rey said, and Ben nodded. He was exhausted. Rey thought for a moment. It was impossible to know when their connection might end and they were both endlessly tired. Rey looked back at her bed before tugging Ben with her. She crawled back into bed, leaving room for Ben beside her. 

Ben stood, frozen. He was scared. Ben knew who it was that he dreamed of at night, who he thought of when he was alone. Every bit of darkness within him wanted nothing more than to press her against the bed and destroy her. It gave Ben chills. He couldn’t do that. Not now. Not with Rey.

Rey could see the conflict within him. Although she didn’t know the extent to which Ben longed for her, she knew he must share her same worries. Rey knew she’d feel guilty in the morning for sharing a bed with the Enemy, but she decided those concerns could wait till the sun came up. She tugged at his hand again. “Come on. We’re just going to bed.” 

Ben gave in, letting Rey pull him towards her bed. He climbed in beside her, hesitant to increase any contact between them. He laid beside her and watched her carefully as she reached for the blanket. Rey tugged it over the two of them. Rey let him move closer till their faces could almost touch. Rey tried her best to ignore it as her body began to sing at Ben’s touch. She could hardly stand it. Rey knew this was likely the most she’d ever have with Ben and it killed her inside.

She captured the moment in her mind, taking in the warmth of his body, his touch, his scent (cinnamon and ceder). She wanted to savor every moment. Rey finally closed her eyes and drifted off into the best sleep she’d had in a very long time


	2. A Vision to Behold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is hurting and Rey sees the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve kept writing and writing and writing. I’ve rewritten this chapter 2 or 3 times now and I’ve tried my best to keep this slow burn please give me criticism and let me know if you have any ideas for things you want in the next few chapters!!

It wasn’t fair. 

As Rey dressed herself, she wondered if it was as obvious to everyone else how consumed she was by him, as if it might be obvious to everyone how fucked she was. She was meant to be Ben’s (well-Kylo’s) enemy. And yet he was everything Rey ever needed. It killed her inside. _It wasn’t fair._ Rey had never asked for this. She never wanted to be a Jedi, or to be a leader, though destiny compelled her to be. And now she was forced to choose between what was best for everyone else and what was best for herself. It could be argued that Rey deserved love more than anyone, having been void of it for so long. Yet the universe seemed to have other plans. General _Organa_ had other plans. And what was she to do, say no?

Sometimes Rey wished she could disappear, wondered if the sands of her home would feel different now that everything had changed for her. And would she ever be able to sleep well again, knowing how it felt to be in his arms.

Rey dressed simply, doing her best to focus on the day ahead and not the worry that she might not ever feel _his_ familiar presence through the Force again. Ben sent Rey feelings of warmth through their bond. It was so sweet that Rey just wanted to scream. This wasn’t _**fair**_.

Ben and Rey had continued to appear to one another after that first night, studying Jedi texts that Ben would translate, hoping to find any history of Force Bonds such as theirs. It took everything within Rey to keep things professional. As much as she did feel for him, and as much as she wanted Ben, she still had responsibilities. And so did Ben. 

Rey left her room, immediately bumping into Leia, who smiled kindly at Rey. 

“Good morning, Rey. Sleep well?” Leia asked as the two of them walked to the dining area of the Falcon. There was some grey stuff in a bowl on the table. Rey didn’t really care to ask what it was. Food was running low and she had no room to complain about something that would keep her from starving. Their was also a loaf of some sort. Everything was kind of stale, but she didn’t mind.

“Yes, thank you. Do you know when we will be arriving?” Rey asked, quick to change the subject. She sat down and smiled when Rose came to join her at the table. The two had grown close and Rey was attempting to act as Rose’s wingman with Finn, but it seemed that recently Rose had been doing fine all on her own.

“Soon. Probably by the time everyone has eaten and cleaned up. We will be on Pasaana” Leia replied. Pasaana was an incredibly arid planet. Leia was aware that Luke had been there while studying the Sith and Jedi. Much of the land would be used for farming. Rey was glad there wouldn’t be much, if any, sand. She was tired of it. 

Rey nodded and let Rose sit beside her. She smiled at the way Rose blushed when Finn walked in the room and nudged her playfully under the table. Finn smiled at both of them and nodded in acknowledgment. He sat down across from them and the table quickly filled up. Rey noticed how Finn would look at Rose, stealing flirtation glances from across the crowded table. Rey sighed softly. She wished she could take a moment to breathe and be normal. At one point she had thought maybe she might find another member of the Resistance who might accompany her on those lonely nights... But there was always something demanding her attention, her patience, her time, her energy. Rey wasn’t allowed those simple pleasures. At least not during the day. At night she could dream all she wanted of Ben Solo.

When they landed, Rey was one of the first people to set foot on the ground. She wanted to explore. Everything was new to her and coming from such a bland background on such an uninteresting planet, Rey was determined to learn and appreciate everything she could. 

Rey knew Leia would be busy and that they would likely train together tomorrow. Rey decided she could take some time to have a look around, find a nice spot to meditate. This was to be her temporary home for a while, anyway. 

Ben had been ignoring the growing swell he felt in his chest at the sight of Rey for ages. He had begun to realize that the nights he spent with Rey in his arms were only making that feeling increasingly difficult to ignore. Rey had lulled him into a sleep that was unlike any he had ever had before. Although they were lightyears apart, Rey was able to give him more comfort than he had felt in his whole life. He was so used to being hurt, so numb to being abandoned. Rey was the only one who ever stayed. The only one who ever gave him a second chance. Ben knew something was changing between them, and his uncertainty as to what that something was was beginning to worry him. Ben knew that emotions were a powerful thing. Ben was beginning to wonder what kind of affect this growing emotion towards Rey might have. 

Ben shook his head, going through damage reports on the tablet in front of him. He was so incredibly tired.

Ben had been doing his best to keep his distance from Rey. She made it clear that she had other priorities in her life and that being with him just couldn’t be one of them. Ben began to realize how much it was tearing him apart. He should have known better than to let her get so close. Ben was sure Rey knew of the power she held over him. Perhaps that was why this had begun in the first place. Maybe that had been Ray’s plan all along. He had offered her his hand. Didn’t she know what that meant? He had all but guaranteed her a place at his side, his protection, his love. If their connection were genuine, how could she turn that down? He still couldn’t fully understand. The darkness inside him continued to battle the light, as it always would. Recently though, it was becoming harder and harder to find that balance. Rey was all consuming, reaching places within him that not even Snoke had been able to invade and control. Ben was so completely overwhelmed. She made him so weak, but at the same time, just as strong. He couldn’t handle the inner turmoil much longer. It was obvious that he was coming to a breaking point. But what was he to do? 

Ben rubbed his eyes and shut off the tablet before putting on his helmet. There were meetings to attend and things that still needed to be done. He could not allow some scavenger to affect him in such a way. And even if she did, he could not allow anyone else to take notice. 

Rey had found herself a quiet place amongst the greenery that surrounded her. Everything was so...different. She found a large tree, likely hundreds and hundreds of years old, that shaded her as she walked towards a calming stream of water. She took a seat on the ground and took it all in. Rey placed her palms flat on the ground beside her, feeling the hum of the earth. Yes, she would like it there. Her eyes fell shut and she tried her best to empty her mind of all thoughts, only focusing on her connection to the planet and the force. Rey wanted to understand why she was so drawn to Ben, to Kylo. She was in so much pain. Was it all really worth it? 

Rey was then faced with a vision. 

_Rey was dawned in an elegant, grey dress. Her hair was down, two braids meeting in the middle, joining the rest of her hair against her back. She wore a black ribbon around her waist and her saber at her hip. Ben was at her side. His usual dark cloak and garments switched for a darker grey. He held her hand in his as the two of them spoke to his mother, as well as other important leaders and groups in the galaxy. Poe and Chewie nudged each other and waved over to Rey. She waved back shyly with her free hand. Finn and Rose were holding hands, smiling proudly back at Rey. She couldn’t believe it. They were bringing an end to the war, an end to the needless fighting. There was a document drafted that every leader and representative had signed. Rey looked up from the treaty and her and Ben’s intertwined hands, only to be met with Ben’s handsome face. And a smile. A full, genuine smile. Rey had never seen that before_ _._

The scene changed and Rey was brought somewhere else.

_She and Ben were on a beach, far away from all the chaos. Her hair was up again, but pieces still managed to flutter in the wind and get in her face. They stopped walking for a moment. Ben reached to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand settled on her cheek and Rey’s hand rose to rest over it._

Rey realized now that her hand had a shiny ring on it. The stone itself was dark but the band was almost white. She never thought she would see herself married. It wasn’t as if she had time to day dream about such a thing. She was always more focused on survival than pleasure anyway.

_She saw herself lean in to kiss Ben slowly, before he lifted her up off the ground. Rey squealed, pulling back from the kiss and laughing. He spun her around before setting her feet back on the ground. They kissed again and Rey could feel butterflies in her belly._

Again the vision moved forward and Rey felt a heat rising within her. 

_Rey was laid in her back in a soft bed, Ben hovering above her. Rey’s lashes fluttered shut as Ben leaned down to kiss her slowly. They were both completely naked, save for the blanket covering their lower halves. Rey’s hand found its way to Ben’s hair as they kissed, her other hand resting on his shoulder. Ben pressed into her gently, wanting to make love to every part of her being. Her eyes rolled back and she moaned softly against his lips. He consumed her completely, engulfing her in every way._

Rey was already totally overwhelmed when the vision moved forward again. 

_Rey’s hand rested upon her belly as she rocked back and forth in a chair. Her belly was almost impossibly big for her body. She was small still, but had gained a healthy amount of weight over time, not looking as gaunt as she had before. She was pregnant. With a boy. Rey looked up from her belly to Ben who already had a little girl in his arms. They had a family._

_She was a toddler, barely four years old. She had Rey’s eyes and Ben’s dark hair. They really had a family...A family of their own, where their children would never doubt how loved they were._ _The little girl squirmed and giggled as Ben tickled he, trying to escape him. He then released her from his arms so she could run around, waiting for him to chase her. He did. And once he held her in his arms again, Ben looked to meet Rey’s gaze. He smiled at her, as did their little girl. His lips mouthed the words, “I love you.”_

Rey reached out to touch him, but before she could, her eyes flung open as she fell into the stream beside her. 

“Ugh!” Rey yelled out in frustration, slamming her fist into the rushing water. She ignored the tears streaming down her face and stood up. What did this mean? Was that their future? Was that why they had this bond? Rey remembered how even touching Ben surrounded them with a loud hum from the Force. Every interaction between them was so electrifying. 

Rey wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and shook her head. She felt so sick. She missed him. Oh kirf, she missed him...

She stepped out of the stream and decided to head back to camp. She wasn’t sure how long she had been out there. It felt like only a few minutes but the sky had gotten dark. Rey could only walk forward, her heart aching in her chest. 

Ben had been training when he felt it, missing his target and falling on the floor. He shook it off and decided to end his training for the day then, the Knights of Ren watching him curiously. He went to the refreshers and tried to clear his head, but he couldn’t. 

Ben felt a thrumming in the air. It was Rey. He knew it. He reached out to Rey through their bond as he walked to his quarters and was immediately overwhelmed by their connection and the sea of emotions she stirred within him.

Rey lifted her head up at Ben’s foot steps. She was sat on his bed, though she was really in her own bed on the ship. Her hair was down and she was dressed for bed, except this time she had a shirt on. It was rather long and big but she had been using it to sleep in.

Although Ben tried to keep himself composed, he couldn’t help but feel relieved at the sight of her. It had been a long day and as much as he tried, he couldn’t get her off his mind. She looked so small in that giant shirt. If he didn’t know better, he might have said she were cute.

Against his better judgement, Ben took a few steps towards Rey, before stopping near the foot of the bed. His mask was off from training, so Ben did what he could to bring his emotions to a simmer instead of their usual overwhelming boil. He opened his mouth to speak but before he could, Rey cut him off.

“Can’t you feel it?” Rey asked, repeating Ben’s words from that first night. She took a moment to look over him. Ben straightened his posture. He hesitated for a moment and tried to remain indifferent to Rey’s gaze. He looked down at his hands, removing his gloves.

“You know that I can.” Ben replied, tossing his gloves onto the table by his bed. Ben tried his best to avoid Rey’s gaze, but was still drowning in the sea of emotion she made him feel. 

A silence fell between them, and Ben could feel Rey probing his mind, trying to see where they stood. Things were so odd between them. Neither of them was ever quite sure where the line was between them, and they danced around it with words and action. It was like testing for landmines, neither one of them quite sure where it was safe to step. 

“When I saw you for the first time, I knew you’d be the death of me. I had assumed it would be a literal death, but you’re killing me just as much now.” Ben admitted. Although his words were filled with pain, his tone remained indifferent, which killed Rey inside.

“We made an agreement. We are still fighting a war, Ben. You have a duty and so do I. We can’t-” 

“Then why do you want me to hold you at night?!” Ben snapped, and Rey’s face fell. 

“And why do you say my name in your sleep? Huh? You go out there and pretend like you can’t stand me, but every damn night...every night you ask me not to let you go.” 

There was a pregnant pause. Rey knew the answer. She loved him. More than she cared to admit, but he knew it. 

Angry tears filled Rey’s eyes and blurred her vision. “You know that I want you, you idiot,” Rey snapped, shoving Ben. Ben stumbled back, catching his balance. “I want you more than anything. And I hate it! I hate you.” 

A wave of pain washed through their bond, and Ben’s expression softened for a moment. He reached out through the bond and he could see how hurt Rey was, how scared she was. Rey shook her head at the intrusion and continued to hit at Ben’s chest, trying desperately to push him away. 

“I _**hate**_ you!” She sobbed. Her hands were balled into fists, hitting Ben’s chest. 

Ben grabbed her wrists easily and held her tight as sobs wracked her body. It was painful to see Rey like this. He hadn’t realized that Rey had been hurting just as much as he did. Ben had come to assume that it was all an elaborate trick to get him to turn, that their late night conversation were nothing more than an excuse to get close to him, to hurt him just like everyone else had.

“No, you don’t,” Ben murmured. It wasn’t a question. He knew now. Rey sobbed into his chest. She had given up trying to push him away and simply buried herself in his touch. “You’re scared.” He added, chin resting on top of Rey’s head like it had so many nights before. 

“I know.” Rey croaked. She didn’t hate him. Not even a little bit. She loved him tremendously, in fact. Ben’s demeanor was much softer now than before. Rey looked up at him, eyes trying to share how sorry she was. They were drawn to each other in every conceivable way. She was doomed to love him, even though it went against everything she ever believed in. 

“I don’t know what to do Ben.” Rey admitted, tears still rolling down her cheeks. Something tugged at Ben’s heart, seeing Rey cry like that. The two of them stayed silent, aside from Rey’s tears and sniffles. She eventually calmed down and looked up at Ben, face red from tears.

“I know.” Ben replied. 

They were so close together, and the hum of the Force grew even louder from their proximity.

It wasn’t obvious who initiated the kiss, but in mear seconds, Ben’s lips were pressed to Rey’s, passionately as if he could share his every worry, every emotion in one kiss. The two only pulled away due to lack of oxygen. 

Rey sniffled before looking up at Ben again. “Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” Rey asked, sounding more like a child than a fighter. Ben’s face softened. 

And how could Ben resist when she looked at him like that?

Rey drifted off long before Ben and found herself once again wrapped up in his arms. 

Ben ran his hand up and down Rey’s spine, her face buried in his chest. He closed his eyes for a moment and allowed himself to take in the feeling of her body close to his. It was foolish of him to think he would be able to rid himself of her. She was his kryptonite.

It was obvious that they both could no longer hide their feelings. They wanted each other and it seemed that the Force was urging them to be together, but how? And why? Ben wasn’t sure. They both had so many obstacles in their way, but Ben knew they would get through it. Especially if that meant he’d be able to hold her close every night. 


	3. Tough Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (WARNING: Contains sexual scenes) 
> 
> Rey and Ben battle and both nearly die. Things get hot and heavy and a little angsts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO!! I’m about to rewatch literally every Star Wars movie in order to portray Ben and Rey as accurately as possible, which might lead to me editing some of these chapters to better fit their characters. Also there’s some smutty moments but not full on sex in this chapter! I tried my best but I’m also a total virgin so I apologize if it’s kinda awkward lol 
> 
> ENJOY!!

The next time Rey would see Ben in person was almost four months after this whole affair had started. 

There was an attack on Resistance troops on a near by planet. Rey left with Finn to strike back. Rey was in her usual attire as she made the treck across the forest. She could feel his presence. Rey hadn’t seen Ben in a few days. She supposed that he had been busy, and busy he was. Rey exhaled, seeing her breath in the air. She needed to keep Ben distracted so that the troops could escape, but as she got farther into the forest and closer to Ben, she felt something stirring inside her. She shook her head. “He is your enemy.” She reminded herself. Her feelings were nothing compared to the importance of the Resistance’s mission. She paused, heart lurching in her chest. He was near. Rey withdrew her lightsaber, holding it at her side. She listened carefully for the crushing of snow under boots. Rey lifted her head, cheeks pink from the cold. Turning around, Rey was startled to find Ben standing so closely behing her. She did her best not to let her apprehension show, though Ben’s smirk told her he felt it. 

“Don’t go easy on me.” Rey demanded, pulling her saber out in front of her. Ben scoffed. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Ben replied, before taking his own saber in hand and lighting it. 

It was a fair fight. Both Rey and Ben were evenly matched in every way. When Ben stepped forward, Rey moved back, dipping and swinging like some sort of violent ballet. Ben couldn’t help but admire how much stronger Rey was now. She had been training endlessly and it was clearly paying off. At one moment, Rey had even caught Ben off guard, knocking him onto his knees. She stood above him with that look of determination that only Rey had. There was a glimmer of something mirroring satisfaction in her eyes. Ben was quick to get back on his feet, hoping he could hide how stunned he truly was by her strength. 

Rey and Ben’s destructive dance led them out of the woods and onto a cliffside. It was freezing, but Rey’s face was hot with passion. She fought effortlessly and had proven to be a worthy opponent. 

“ _She’s going to be the death of me…_ ” Ben thought to himself, and Rey’s expression faltered for a moment. She stumbled, Ben’s thoughts echoing through their bond. Her cheeks turned impossibly pink and she let out a frusturated grunt, hitting her saber against Ben’s harder than she had before and knocking it from Ben’s hand. Ben stumbled back, slipping on the ice beneath his feet. He fell hard, causing the rocky cliff to begin to crumble beneath him. Rey, without a moments hesitation, reached out and took Ben’s hand. She held on tight, getting to her knees and throwing her saber aside to help pull him up with both hands. Ben used his other hand to grab the cliffs edge, helping pull himself up. Both Ben and Rey let out a gasp of relief as they managed to pull Ben up, landing him back in the snow. Rey fell back at the exhertion and pushed herself back up, breathing heavily. Ben looked over at Rey as he caught his breath, still amazed and horrified by what just happened. Not only had he almost died, but Rey had been the one to save him. He looked at her, desperately trying to catch his breath. 

“Why?” He asked. He couldn’t understand why she hadn’t let him die. He had done so many terrible things and certainly didn’t deserve her help. Rey shook her head and scoffed, dumbfounded by Ben’s question. 

“You’re joking,” She looked back at him. Their faces were both flushed from the cold environment. Rey sighed sadly at Ben’s genuine inability to see how she felt. “I don’t hate you, idiot.” She

answered. Before Ben could form a coherint thought, sounds of a blaster were heard in the forest, followed by a yell for help. Rey took a quick look to Ben, who gave her a knowing look, before Rey went running off. 

Finn had gotten hurt. Rey could feel it. Although her bond with Finn was nothing like the one she shared with Ben, Rey could still feel that he was Force sensitive. This helped her find Finn quickly and come to his aid. Rey was quick to defend Finn, who had been gunned down by First Order soldiers. Rey stood in front of Finn, saber in hand. She had managed to fall, hurting her wrist, before getting back to her feet again. Rey was tired from her fight with Ben, but was determined to protect Finn and get him to safety. After a while, Rey realized she was wildly out numbered and she began to question her own ability to handle such a large group with so little energy. Rey was fearful, but didn’t let it show. 

Rey felt her heart lurch in her chest just as it had when she found Ben in the woods. Her anxiety wavered as Ben came into view.

“Stand down. Let me handle this dirty scavenger.” Ben said, snow crushing beneath his boots. He looked like hell, almost limping over to Rey. 

The soldiers were confused, thinking it foolish to leave Rey when they could have easily taken her down, but they had orders. Rey stayed silent, eyes watching Ben’s face intently. The soldiers stepped away, walking back to the ship. 

“How embarrassing would it be if you were to fall at the hands of anyone else but me...” Ben gave Rey a look up and down. They had both seen better days. He was pretty beaten up, one hand placing pressure upon his other arm. Rey rolled her eyes in response. 

“I could handle it.” She lied, tone defiant and firm as always. 

“Until next time.” Ben replied. He winked at her before disappearing into the woods to leave on the ship. They had done the damage they needed to. Rey gave a sigh of relief, quickly reaching for Finn’s hand to help him up. She let him lean on her and they walked back to the ship.

“What the hell was that?” Finn asked, hopping alongside Rey. He was pretty banged up and could barely walk. Rey was glad she had been able to make it to him in time.

“What?” 

“The Supreme Leader of the First Order just let us go and we’re just not gonna talk about that?” Finn asked. Rey shook her head, huffing and getting a better grip on Finn’s waist.

“We’ll talk about it later, okay? Let’s just keep in between us and get you some help.” Rey replied. It was not a conversation she wanted to have, or that she was even sure she could have. It was just as surprising to her that Ben had walked away from that fight. Finn did not reply aloud and instead nodded silently as they hobbled towards the ship.

Rey was leaving the med bay when she heard Ben’s voice.

“ _Are you hurt?_ ” The question was stupid and Rey really didn’t see a point in lying when Ben obviously knew the truth.

“ _It’s not that bad._ ” She answered Ben through their bond. And in comparison to Finn, her injuries weren’t. Finn had been grazed by a blaster and had broken his leg.

Rey walked back to her room, arm bandaged up. She closed the door behind her and turned to see Ben, standing right there in front of her. His large frame was almost overbearing, but Rey did not push him away. He had bruises all over and had an injury to his shoulder that had been bandaged up.

“You almost got yourself killed,” Ben said, voice firm and almost...angry. “You were out numbered. They would have killed you.”

“My friend needed me,” Rey quickly retorted. “And you could have died too.” 

Their words hung heavy in the air, neither one of them breaking eye contact. Rey was still in her same outfit, though it was much dirtier now and had specks of blood splattered across the front. Ben was in an undershirt and his pants. Even half dressed, his presence was intimidating. 

It was impossible to tell who initiated it, but suddenly Ben’s lips passionately crashed against Rey’s own. Both Ben and Rey found themselves grasping desperately at each other. Ben’s right hand rose to cup Rey’s cheek, arms encircling her waist and threatening to lift her off the ground. Rey wrapped her arms around Ben’s neck and kissed back. Ben pressed Rey’s back against the door, eliminating all the space between them. The kiss was almost bruising. They didn’t have time to be gentle. It was clear that the events of that day had brought both to their breaking points. Neither one of them cared to think about what this kiss might mean or what it might change in their relationship. They needed one another desperately. It didn’t matter what lied outside of that room. In that moment, it was just them. And no one else. The two broke apart. Ben’s cheeks had gone all rosey and so had the tips of his ears. Rey’s face looked quite the same. She let her arms fall from around his neck and to his arms. Ben let his hands rest on her waist. The two stayed silent, just looking at each other and taking it all in. Rey tried to calm her racing heart. Could she really let herself indulge in this? 

Rey answered her own question and let a hand snake its way up into Ben’s hair, pulling him down into another searing kiss. Ben responded eagerly, hands gripping her hips. Ben once again pressed Rey up against the door, but this time he urged her to jump and wrap her legs around his waist. She did as Ben’s hands requested and let out a squeak as he lifted her up. Ben drank up the noise with a smirk. It was beautiful how easily their bodies worked together, like they had done this a million times before. 

“Bed?” Ben breathed out between kisses. Rey nodded, nose brushing Ben’s. He set Rey down and let her lead him to her bed. It wasn’t long before Rey had found herself on top of Ben in her bed, lips pressed to his. The two of them were magnetic, only separating to toss bits of clothing onto the ground. It was overwhelming, every sensation amplified by their already deep emotional bond. Ben’s hands trailed down her breasts and his lips pressed soft kissed to her skin, desperate to know every part of her. 

And then all at once, they were alight with the force of a thousand stars. 

They were one, Rey and Ben. And yes. In Rey’s bed, he was Ben. Kylo was the face of the First Order. And in Rey’s arms he was Ben. 

Ben switched their positions, hovering above Rey. He pressed gentle kisses down her neck and in between her breasts. Ben ran his hands down her sides, taking in the softness of her skin. She was a light in the darkness. Nothing else mattered. Not the war, not the Resistance, nothing. Rey was all he ever wanted. Every moment with Rey was electric. Rey was perfect. Not because she had smooth legs or a perfect body, but because she didn’t. She was coarse, she was brash. She had scars all over from her training and her many years as a scavenger. Rey was so incredibly imperfect but she set Ben’s heart on fire. She was all he ever wanted and that terrified him. Perhaps he had been the one who couldn’t let go of the past. Hovering above her, it couldn’t be more clear what his future was meant to be. 

Rey looked up at Ben with rosie cheeks, pulling him close to kiss him once more. She could almost cry. In that moment, Rey couldn’t help but think of her vision. Perhaps it all was beginning to fall into place. There was no use ignoring the growing feelings inside her. What laid outside her bedroom door no longer mattered. She had been alone for so long and Ben was the only one who ever made her feel like she truly could be seen, like she existed at all. It was true that the two of them had a lot to work through and that their issues would not simply dissolve after that night, but Rey didn’t mind. She was so tired of pretending to be someone she wasn’t. She was so tired of denying herself happiness, even if that happiness was found in the arms of the enemy. Rey recalled what Snoke had said, moments before Ben killed him. He predicted that Ben would kill his true enemy. And oddly enough that wasn’t her. Snoke had turned Ben into someone else. And while there were parts of Kylo that were still in Ben, Rey knew she would learn to accept them. 

Rey had never been with anyone sexually before. And certainly not like this. Back home, girls would gladly put out in exchange for credits and even just to pass the time. Rey couldn’t do that though. She was far too inexperienced and found the men who paid for those women disgusting. Rey could never give herself over like that. She understood the position that those girls were in and she would never shame them for doing what they had to do, but Rey couldn’t see herself ever letting anyone see her that vulnerable.

Yet here she was. 

Ben was almost completely naked, save for his underwear. And Rey could not help but relish in the soft groan that left Ben’s lips as she pressed against him. Ben’s cheeks flushed, embarrassed by how completely smitten he was with the beautiful woman laying beneath him. Rey let her hands rise to run through Ben’s hair as they kissed hotly. The air around them felt like a storm cloud, thick with emotion and intimacy. Ben watched Rey’s face intently as she gazed over his features. Her hand rested on his cheek and she admired all the freckles dotting Ben’s face. Her thumb ran over the scar on his cheek. 

“Is there something in my face?” Ben asked, all too aware of his appearance. He had never felt terribly insecure but under Rey’s gaze he could almost fall apart. 

Rey shook her head and laughed.

“No. I guess I just never noticed how many freckles you have.” She smiled softly, admiring the little clusters of freckles on his cheek. 

Ben’s cheeks flushed and even the tips of his ears turned red. No one had really ever cared to notice before. He remembered the long days spent training at his uncle’s side and how those days would leave freckles all over his shoulders and cheeks. Their presence had been unwelcome at the time, but Ben supposed that now he didn’t mind too much. 

That’s when Ben felt it. And Rey did too.

Rey wanted nothing more in the whole galaxy than to be with him. Even as impossible as that may be. It terrified her how far she would go for the man laying beside her. Rey knew she was risking everything, even just thinking about him. But she couldn’t escape it. Rey could climb every mountain, destroy countless droids, train till she was black and blue, but none of that could ever keep her from thinking about him at the end of the day. 

Ben knew that something had been growing between them. The small acts of intimacy allowed both of them to slowly let down their guards. Neither one of them grew up knowing what love was. Neither one of them had been held, been comforted, been seen. But in each other’s arms, none of that mattered anymore. He let his gaze fall to her lips. Ben wanted her. In every conceivable way. He would do anything for her. Kill for her, even. And he had. What was the point in ignoring their emotions anymore? Who needed to know? This was their haven. At night they could be whoever they wanted to be. They had no one to please. They could finally relax. Rey’s thumb brushed across Ben’s cheek until it rested on his chin. 

Ben couldn’t get enough of her. He let his hand fall between Rey’s thighs, flushing at the warmth he found there. He watched Rey carefully as his fingers slipped beneath her underwear, meeting her tight warmth. Rey’s eyes fluttered closed and rolled back in her head at the touch. She arched into his hand and covered her mouth to muffle the incoherent noises that were coming out of her. Ben had never been so aroused. He had little experience when it came to sexual intimacy. He knew Rey was nothing like the girls he had seen in raunchy magazines or on far off planets, selling themselves for credits. He wanted to please her and make her feel just as good as she made him feel. Ben paused for a moment, causing a whimpering sound to leave Rey’s lips. Ben’s eyes glazed over in a dark haze at the sound of her whimpers. Ben gave Rey a mischevious smirk and watched her expression as his fingers continued to tease her. Rey threw her head back against the pillow, almost choking as Ben moved his fingers in just the right way. Her hands gripped desperately at the sheets beneath them. She tried to stay quiet as Ben’s fingers continued their exploration, but could not help but let out a soft cry as she bore down on Ben’s hand and came.

“ _Ben!_ ” 

Rey’s legs trembled from the exhertion and she tried to slow her racing heart. Ben buried his face into Rey’s neck, lashes tickling her skin. Rey’s hands collected in his hair and she let out a breathy laugh as Ben pressed soft kisses to her skin. She was warm and soft, radiating light that bore into him. Ben’s hands held onto Rey’s sides and she watched as he moved further down her body, pressing kisses all the way down to her navel. Ben wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her impossibly close. Rey’s lips parted as Ben nuzzled his nose against her cheek and jaw. 

While Ben’s arms were full of light, a certain darkness swelled within him. Ben paused, pulling his face away from Rey’s for a moment. She watched him with confusion as Ben tried to locate the source of the overwhelming darkness inside him. Ben could hear a voice in the back of his head, trying to pull him into the dark.

_You fool. You have allowed this scavenger to pull you towards the light, to seduce you into her ideals. Are you so sure she wouldn’t use her body in exchange for an end to this war?_

It was Snoke. Ben felt his stomach turn, eyes glazing over as he pulled away from Rey. Rey found herself desperate to pull him back into her arms. Rey reached out in confusion. 

“Ben, what’s wrong?” Rey asked, sitting up. She could feel something shifting in the air around them. Ben’s insecurities came quickly rushing over her and left Rey stunned. It broke her heart to know all the pain inside Ben, the cause of all his darkness.

Ben closed his eyes and shook his head, fighting off the voice. It was too much. Ben hadn’t heard Snoke’s voice in his mind for _so long_ , and now here he was again. It was painful. Ben held his head in his hands, letting out a choked sob.

Rey crawled towards Ben and let a hand rest on his arm. Ben tensed up at the contact as sobs wracked his body. Rey pulled her hand back, worried she might have hurt Ben, but he soon lifted his head and reached out to Rey again. She climbed into Ben’s arms and ran her fingers through his hair soothingly. No one had ever cared for him like that, which made it all the more painful. Rey didn’t ask any more questions. He was in pain, that much Rey knew. And it broke her heart. She wanted to reassure him, to comfort him in every way she could, but she wasn’t sure how. 

That was until she remembered the vision. 

Rey closed her eyes for a moment, hugging Ben tight. He lifted his head from his hands and looked back at Rey. It was all Ben in that moment, the same lost boy Rey had seen fleeing Luke. Rey cupped Ben’s face gently in her hands, wiping his cheeks with her thumbs. Ben leaned into the touch, squeezing his eyes shut and letting a few more tears fall before he looked at her again.

“I’m sorry.” Ben croaked out pathetically. Rey shook her head and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Do not apologize for hurting,” She replied. Rey stayed silent for a moment, pulling Ben closer, before speaking once more.

“May I show you something?” She asked.

Ben’s brows furrowed in confusion, but he nodded slowly in response. Rey closed her eyes and brought a hand back up to Kylo’s cheek. She reflected back upon her vision, sharing every vivid detail with Ben, while sharing her feelings of love and compassion through their bond. By the time she was done, Ben was sobbing once more, pulling Rey close to his chest. Rey was also crying, burying her face in Ben’s neck. Rey sniffled and took in the feeling of Ben’s arms around her. 

“I don’t know how to fix everything that has happened. I don’t know how to bring the galaxy together. But I know this bond between us is something special. It’s not something I could even dream of making up,” Rey said against Ben’s skin. Ben didn’t speak and let her works sink in. the bond they had was unlike anything Ben had even heard of, his greatest strength and weakness. 

“You are not alone anymore.” She murmured, pulling away to meet Ben’s gaze.

Ben couldn’t believe it. It was of no use to ignore his feelings for Rey any longer. She made him better, stronger. He had never felt better than he did at her side. Seeing her vision, feeling her love, Ben knew the connection between them was bigger than just the two of them. It was something set in the Force ages and ages before the two of them were ever born. It was unstoppable and unbreakable.

“You aren’t either.” Ben said. 

Rey leaned in to kiss Ben softly, tears running down both of their cheeks. Rey allowed Ben to pull her into his lap, holding her tight. They both could feel a change in the air around them. Their relationship would never be the same and the world would be better for it. Rey took Ben’s shirt from the floor and pulled it on, snuggling into Ben’s arms once again.

They both fell asleep, a mix of salty tears and wet kisses. There was no use ignoring it. They were part of something big, and nothing could stop them now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a like and comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts and what you want to see in future chapters :)


	4. To Love and Lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey speaks to Leia. Ben heard Rey’s thoughts.

Weeks passed since the attack on Resistance troops and Rey and Ben had begun to do more research into the Force. It was important that they study other instances of Force Bonds such as theirs so that they might gain some insight.

Rey had begun studying more closely under Leia’s guidance, and trained with Finn in order to help him gain back his strength after his injury as well as help her become stronger. Rey found that she was learning more and more every day, becoming more centered in the Force. 

Rey had gone on a walk with Leia one evening. The sun was going down and the sky was warm and bright. The two walked around the village, watching little ones run around gleefully. Rey couldn’t help but think back on her vision. She wondered if she and Ben would really have a family one day. Rey felt herself frown. The idea seemed so far out of her grasp. She couldn’t even see him in person outside of this bloody war. How would they ever make things work?

“Is something on your mind, Rey?” Leia asked, interrupting Rey’s thoughts. 

Rey quickly flashed a smile. “It’s nothing, Master. Thank you.”

Leia gave her a knowing look and walked over to a bench. She patted the seat beside her. Rey followed and sat next to Leia. 

“You have something laying heavy on your heart. You have not been yourself in quite sometime. Not since... not since you killed Snoke,” Leia said, watching Rey knowingly. 

Rey froze for a moment. She had not spoken to anyone about what happened in Snoke’s throne room. Everyone had assumed Rey had killed Snoke herself, not wanting to pry for further details. Rey tried not to let her anxiety show as she nodded slowly. 

“Did something happen, Rey?” Leia asked carefully. Of course Leia would not want to believe her son had hurt Rey in some way, in a way that deeply affected her like this, but the idea was not off the table. Rey could feel Leia’s unease. She knew she needed to talk to someone about what was going on. 

Rey shook her head and looked down at the ground. She lifted her gaze to meet Leia’s. 

“I have not been completely honest with you,” Rey admitted. “I have so much to tell you but there is so little I feel you will understand. I myself don’t even understand it.” 

Leia nodded slowly at Rey’s words, listening intently. “Whatever it is, Rey, you must share it with me. It is not fair for you to bare your burdens all alone,” She replied, taking Rey’s hand comfortingly. “It has weighed heavy on you for long enough. Although I am old now, I am nothing if not understanding.” She joked, earning a small smile from Rey. 

“Thank you,” Rey closed her eyes for a moment and let out a deep breath. “Master...I was not the one who killed Snoke.” Rey admitted. 

Leia’s expression changed to one of confusion and concern. “What do you mean?” 

“It was Ben. He...Snoke told him to kill me and instead he killed Snoke,” 

Rey felt herself being flooded with emotion. 

“I know there is still good left in him, Master. I can feel it.” 

Leia stayed silent for a moment, taking in Rey’s words. It seemed impossible to save him, especially after Han’s death. It killed her inside. 

“I had hoped he might turn sooner. What is it that you think is turning him?” Leia asked. Rey did not reply, but gave Leia a look and in that moment Leia knew.

“You.” It wasn’t a question. Rey’s face said it all. Rey nodded in response and looked back down at Leia’s hand which still held her own. Leia sighed.

“There is much you must learn, Rey. This attachment between you two is dangerous. While you may use it to pull him to the light, he could just as easily use it to pull you towards the dark,” Leia’s words were heavy in the air. Rey felt her mouth go dry. 

“Be careful, Rey. There have been many who have come before you two. The story is as old as time. And you will soon see the fatal path this bond may lead you down.” Leia warned her. 

Rey nodded. “Yes, Master.” Rey could barely get the words out, she was so close to tears. 

Leia let go of Rey’s hand, and stood. “If anything changes, I need to know, Rey. We are still fighting a war. And do not believe that there is anything he won’t do in order to win it.” Leia left Rey with her thoughts and went back to camp. 

Rey was choked up. Leia was right. She needed to keep her guard up. Although Rey cared deeply for Ben, she could not be so certain that he wouldn’t hurt her. The idea was painful. Rey was not sure what she would do if Ben betrayed her. She knew it was not impossible. He had done worse things than that. Rey had to remind herself that she must be willing to do anything for the sake of the Resistance.

Rey sat there for a while in a feeble attempt to pull herself together. She felt a surge of emotion wash over her. 

Rey had gone back to her room. She was so full of emotion and her thoughts were a tangled mess. She decided to bury herself in the books she had gotten from Luke’s temple. Rey flipped through them mindfully. There was so much she still did not understand. So much she had to learn. It was exhausting. Rey sighed, closing one of the books. She placed it back on top of a pile of reading she had. She groaned and sat down on her bed. Rey was tired. Ben had been visiting her later and later in the night, always busy as the war raged on. She was growing frustrated. 

Rey felt suffocated by her feelings. She was doomed to fall hopelessly for Ben, and she knew it. She had so much left to learn about the Force and so much training to do. Rey felt so inadequate and so lost. She was so full of mistrust and frustration. It seemed impossible to simply get over Ben, but part of her prayed she would. Things would be so much easier if she could just hate him like she was supposed to. Rey had before, hadn’t she?

Her thoughts are quickly interrupted by a wave of frustration coming straight from Ben. Rey is surprised by it for a moment. She had yet to face Ben’s anger head on since they had that first kiss. And Rey wasn’t sure how to behave. Ben was incredibly attractive and powerful. The thought of him fucking all that anger into Rey made shivers run down her spine. She knew he could feel her arousal and she could feel his reach to meet her. Her face flushed scarlet and she chewed nervously at her bottom lip. She had a plan to help Ben release all that anger...

It was not a good day to be Supreme Leader. Ben was still recovering from his injury to his shoulder. It had been healing well until he pushed himself too far training with the Knights of Ren. He was sure Rey wouldn’t be surprised. She had been urging him to focus more on looking into the history of Force Bonds, but he was bored to death of it. 

Aside from that, Ben was trying desperately to help his men prepare for the next attack on the Resistance. He had been avoiding any targets that might put Rey in harms way, but that task was becoming increasingly difficult as his mother (the thought of her made his stomach churn) began to push Rey further and further. It also seemed as though nothing was going right in Ben’s plans to help Rey leave the Resistance. He was frustrated and overwhelmed and on top of all of that, he was also beginning to learn more about his grandfather. The idea to actually go searching for that information seemed good at first, but it was beginning to scare Ben how similar they were. He knew that if he continued to look deeper, he might find some unsightly things. Ben was scared, of he was being honest. He knew that the Dark Side sealed his grandfathers fate as well as his grandmothers. He was not yet sure how or why but the idea scared him. What if he hurt Rey? What if he ruined the one thing he wanted most to protect?

Ben was stressed and tired and frustrated and Hux was being more of a prick than usual, which led to a very upset Ben. He was ready to storm into his quarters and rage, tearing the room to shreds. Ben’s frustration calmed though when he saw Rey, sat on his bed with the most mischievous look in her eyes. 

Ben was surprised. Usually he was the one who showed up unannounced, but here Rey was. She was always full of surprises. He looked over her, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. “What are you doing here?” He asked, taking off his gloves and setting them on the table beside his bed. 

“You’ve been awfully grumpy today. I can feel you stomping your feet from lightyears away.” Rey teased. Her feet swung off the side of his bed. She couldn’t see much of Ben’s surrounding, but she could feel how comfortable the mattress beneath her was. 

Ben rolled his eyes and took off his cape. Rey always teased him about it, claiming it was simply for dramatic effect which it really was. 

“Things have been incredibly stressful and frustrating lately. It’s hard ruling over an army without someone there with you.” Ben gave Rey that famous Solo smirk and Rey could have melted. It was not fair how incredibly attractive Ben could be without even trying. 

It still boggled Rey’s mind that Ben wanted her. That he wanted to rule the galaxy with her. She couldn’t understand why she was so special. What was her purpose? 

“This bed is far too comfortable to worry about frivolous things like ruling the galaxy. Come lay with me.” Rey felt so confident in that moment as she laid back on the bed. Her hair was down and all she had on was the shirt she had stolen from Ben. 

Ben’s face flushed and he took a nervous step towards her. Rey was laid out on the bed and looked like something straight out of a magazine. Ben kicked off his boots, leaving them by the door and walked over to the bed. He let his eyes roam Rey’s beautiful body and felt a warmth wash over him. He was sure it was obvious how completely undone he was by her. 

“You’re going to be the death of me.” Ben murmured, letting on of his hands gently reach out and squeeze Rey’s thigh before it slid up to the edge of her shirt. 

Rey smirked and felt goosebumps from Ben’s touch. She took Ben’s wandering hand in her own and tugged him onto the bed with her. Rey’s newfound confidence was stirring something inside Ben. It took everything within him to only kiss her as he laid beside her. 

It was hard for Rey to not want to believe in Ben. She wanted for him to really care about her, but she knew Leia was right. It was so hard for Rey not to doubt him. He was not only Ben, he was Kylo. And Kylo Ren was the reason for so much destruction and pain. He was a-

“Monster.” Ben could feel Rey and heard her thoughts. It was like a dagger to the chest.

Ben’s face was cold and unreadable, a stone expression Rey had come to know as a form of protection. He was masking his true emotions. Ben’s gaze made Rey a little nervous. She felt a wave of guilt wash over her as Ben pulled away from her, both physically and emotionally. 

“You call me Ben and you act like Kylo is someone else. I know the things I’ve done, Rey,” Ben’s voice was cold and his expression was blank. It gave Rey goosebumps. Suddenly, she could see Han dying all over again. It made her feel sick. 

“There is darkness in me. I was born with it. And I am not sure it will ever go away. I am not this perfect person, this Ben Solo that you want me to be. I apologize if that’s a disappointment,” Rey saw a flicker of sadness in Ben’s expression, but it was quickly erased by cold indifference.

“Ben, I didn’t mea-“

“I know exactly what you meant,” Ben replied. “Ben Solo is dead. I am all that is left.” 

Rey’s heart broke at that. They were both so kriffed up. They had their innocence robbed from them so long ago, and it wasn’t fair. Rey felt her expression soften. She could still feel the light in him. Maybe Ben Solo was gone, but a part of him was still there. Rey knew she had to except the fact that he was not perfect and that he was still responsible for so much pain, but so was the Resistance.

Rey reached towards Ben slowly. The lines between her and Ben were so blurred and it was hard to know what to say and do sometimes. They were still trying to understand each other and it was not always as intuitive as some might think. 

“You are not perfect. But you are not a monster. Ben Solo may be gone but there is still good in you,” Rey replied. Ben’s eyes were full of uncertainty. Rey’s expression softened, feeling all of Ben’s pain.

“I’m scared Ben,” Rey admitted. “I am terrified actually, because I know that by caring about you, I am giving you every opportunity to hurt me,” It was true. Rey hated how vulnerable she was to him. 

“What if I do?” Ben asked. He looked so young, eyes full of so much pain and anxiety. It tore Rey apart. 

“You won’t.” 


	5. Seeing in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben learns more about his Grandfather. 
> 
> Rey recognizes a darkness growing within her. 
> 
> They do the nasty. ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this! There is smut in this chapter fyi! I’m also a total virgin so I’m sorry if it’s a little awkward or anything.

“On your left, Rey!” Leia warned. Rey had been training more and more now that her injuries had healed. Rey was growing frustrated. Lately she had felt something changing within her. She was quick to anger, using that emotion to strengthen her connection to the Force. Rey knew it was wrong. That was not the Jedi way, but lately Rey felt her emotions were controlling her more than usual. 

Rey jumped up, quick to slice the droid in the air completely in half, letting it fall to the ground in a heap. Rey controlled her breathing as she landed back on the ground. She looked to Leia for approval. Leia nodded. 

“Your aim has grown more accurate,” Leia commented. “But you need to find peace in the Force, not anger. It’s important that you set your emotions aside.” 

Rey nodded, putting her saber away. “Yes, Master.” 

Leia bowed her head and sent Rey on her way. 

Rey wandered the forest after training, much like she had when they first landed there. She hadn’t paid much attention to the path she was walking but she’d found herself back at the stream where she saw her vision. Rey took a seat. She could feel a darkness growing within her. Rey found that she was feeling incredibly alone amongst her friends. It was growing exhausting to fight for a cause she wasn’t sure she believed in anymore. 

Rey had been talking to Ben about her concerns, and he shared his own. They had both been looking into Force Bonds and Ben found himself being drawn to his grandmothers home planet. He hoped he might find more answers there. Ben had asked Rey to come with, saying there was something in his gut telling him he needed her to be there. Rey had, of course, declined, but she was starting to wish she hadn’t. Ben said he couldn’t go without her. This was their journey after all. 

Rey dipped her hand into the stream, enjoying the feeling of the cool water against her skin. She admired how the stream was able to smooth the rocks in its way over time, making them nice to hold in your hand. 

Rey took one of the small pebbles from the stream. She kept it, tucking it in her pocket. Rey took a look around her, centering herself in the Force. She could feel something was coming. Not now but soon. Something was going to change. Rey did not like this feeling of uncertainty. It was frustrating to be so unsure of herself, and there was no one else who would be able to reassure her aside from Ben. 

Ben had been rather busy. Ruling over one of the greatest powers in the galaxy was exhausting and it wasn’t getting any easier. He was doing his best to change things on his own but he knew the only true way to unite both the First Order and the Resistance would be to have Rey at his side. It wouldn’t be an easy task, though, and the transition would take time. And it was starting to feel like they didn’t have much time left. 

“Supreme Leader, our allies are demanding action.” Hux addressed Ben from across the conference room. Ben’s attention was turned from his own thoughts to the conversation at hand. 

“I understand that. And action will be taken, but it is useless to continue targeting small fleets of Rebel fighters,” Ben-well-Kylo replied. 

“Supreme Leader Snoke had a plan. It is important that we find out what it was. For all we know there could be others waiting to join the First Order who are not even aware of his death.” He added. Kylo would have been foolish to think Snoke would tell him everything. They needed to find out what Snoke had kept from them, so they could respond according. Plus, it would help keep the First Order focused on something other than the Resistance, which meant Ben had more time to convince Rey to leave. 

“Perhaps you should have considered that before you killed him.” Hux said under his breath, typing away on his data pad. 

“For the last time, he did not die at my hand.” Kylo was quick to respond. Hux did not reply and simply continued typing. 

“The Knights of Ren may be able to assist in the recovery of any information Snoke held. In the meantime, we should continue to rebuild and structure another attack.” Hux stated. 

Kylo rolled his eyes. “Yes, seeing as the last attack went so well.” He replied 

After the meeting, Ben found himself studying his grandfathers mask.

The helmet sat across from him on a stand, staring back at him dauntingly. He hesitated before reaching out to touch it. Ben had refused to touch it before, not believing he was ready for all the power it held. He was not ready to fulfill his destiny. Now more than ever, Ben felt ready to know what his purpose was. Ben felt all the air within him leave his chest as his hand touched the cold mask. 

_He was back at his fathers death. Watching him die, Ben felt sick. Han was not a good father, but to kill him....it was unforgivable._

_The scene changed to the sight of Anakin, choking Padme, and letting her fall. He didn’t know it then, but the choices he had made already sealed her fate. Ben could feel the bond between Padme and Anakin He knew it was similar to the one he shared with Rey._

_Ben could feel his grandfathers pain. He loved her so much. In the beginning, he had only turned to the dark side to save Padme, yet he was the one who killed her. Ben couldn’t believe it. She was his world, his wife, the mother of his children. Could the Dark Side really make him become such a-_

“Monster _.”_ Rey’s thoughts echoed in his heart.

_Ben was faced with the sight of Padme, laying in her casket. Even in death she was beautiful. She had died from a broken heart, destroyed by the atrocities Anakin was responsible for._

Ben could only think of Rey. She saw all the evil in him, all of the darkness in his heart, yet she still saw so much good in him. What if he let her down? Would the truth kill her?

_Ben thought it was over, thought his fate might be sealed, until he saw his grandfather die for Luke._

_Anakin did so many horrible, unforgivable things, yet in the end he gave his life for his son. There was so much evil within him, but in the end he did one of the most selfless things a person could ever do. In saving Luke, he pushed aside all his anger and frustration, his pain, every power of the Dark Side._

Ben pulled his hand away, as if burned. What did this mean? He wasn’t sure. He had at one point admired his grandfather. Ben had been left by his own father, passed off to Uncle Luke out of fear of what he might become. After Luke tried to kill him, Ben had sought out Snoke. How would his parents ever believe him over _the_ Luke Skywalker? He had nowhere else to go. 

Vader’s anger and pain so perfectly fit with Ben’s own. Vader felt betrayed by the love of his life, hurt by everyone he ever trusted. Kylo felt the same. Parents are meant to protect their children, and Han just left. He felt betrayed. And he wanted revenge. Snoke used that against him, turning Ben into Kylo Ren and making him into this person that he no longer wanted to be.

Ben recalled the vision Rey had shared with him. Would he be able to be a good father? It’s not like he had very good role models. Rey saw so much good in Ben and he was so scared of letting her down. If they were destined to have a child together, would Ben be able to break that cycle and be a good dad? Or would he end up just like his own father? Ben shook his head and stepped back from the helmet. No. He would not make those same mistakes. History repeats itself, yes, but Ben would learn from it instead of letting it happen all over again. 

Rey had barely gotten into her room when she was met with Ben’s soft lips. Rey closed the door, never breaking contact. Ben’s hands rested on Rey’s hips and pressed her against the door. And when Ben’s hands find the soft skin beneath Rey’s top, it’s like the galaxy split in two. Just the brush of Ben’s lips against Rey’s surrounded them both in a thunderstorm of energy. 

They both were hungry for each other’s touch, hands gripping whatever they could. Rey’s hands held on tightly to the front of Ben’s uniform, tugging him down to keep his lips pressed to hers. While no words had been spoken, it was obvious what they both wanted. 

Rey smiled against Ben’s lips and nearly squealed when he picked her up off the ground to take her to her bed. Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around Ben’s waist. She let out a gasp, immediately feeling how hard Ben was already beneath all his layers of clothes. Ben smirked, laying her onto the bed. 

It was like a tango. Every time one of them parted for air, the other was already pressed against them to close the distance. They couldn’t get enough of each other. Their chemistry was undeniable and could be felt in the air around them. It was suffocating.

Ben helped Rey pull off her top and tossed it to the floor. Ben beamed at the sight of her, barren to him. Rey felt her cheeks flush as Ben began to pepper her chest and neck with soft kisses. Rey tried her best to tug off Ben’s uniform, but grew frustrated by all the layers. Ben laughed and Rey huffed in annoyance. 

Rey shimmied out of her pants, leaving herself completely nude, save for her underwear. Ben couldn’t stop looking at her, admiring every freckle on her skin. There was a hunger in his eyes and Rey wanted more.

Rey sat herself up, leaning on her hands for support. The let her eyes wander over Ben’s body as he tugged off his many layers, wanting every piece of him for herself. Ben’s gaze met Rey’s and Rey reached out, her hand taking hold of his belt. 

It was all Ben could do not to take her right then and there. Every touch set him on fire, and he wanted more. There was a hunger deep within him, unhindered by Ben’s underlying darkness. He knew he could take whatever he wanted from her, and she knew it too. But Ben couldn’t do that. There was still this deep seeded doubt within him. Ben had felt so unwanted. So unloved. Ben needed to know she wanted him just as much as he wanted her. He knew he could reach out through the Force, but Ben wanted to hear her say it out loud. They were never that great with communication, and Ben needed to know things were not as one sided as they sometimes felt. He needed her consent, not only to satisfy his own worries, but because he wanted Rey to feel safe with him. He wanted to make her feel good, showing her all the things he had dreamed of doing with her. 

Ben watched Rey’s face carefully, looking for any sign of discomfort. 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, placing his hand over Rey’s on his belt. 

Rey bit her bottom lip and her cheeks turned even more red than before. She nodded. 

“Use your words.” Ben requested, voice deepened with lust. He lifted Rey’s chin, forcing her to make eye contact with Ben. 

Rey felt a wave of warmth surge through her, and she knew she could never refuse him. She wanted him, every part of him. Rey longed to show Ben how much she cared, how much she desired him. It still amazed her how grateful Ben was for every touch, her every attempt to comfort him. Neither of them was ever granted those acts of affection before.

“Yes, Ben. Please.” Rey leaned into his touch. Ben pulled his hand away, only to undo his belt and leave his pants in a heap on the floor. Rey couldn’t help but reach out to touch Ben through his briefs. Ben let out a soft moan at her touch before climbing into bed with Rey. 

Rey laid on her back, legs parted so that Ben could sit between them. On his knees, Ben ran his hands up and down Rey’s outer thighs, squeezing gently. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Ben murmured. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Ben couldn’t believe Rey was actually there, laying beneath him. Touching her hand was all he ever thought he would get, and now that he had all of her, he knew he would never want anyone else. It amazed him that he had been able to deny himself of this feeling for so long. 

Rey smiled up at him and pulled him down for a kiss. She ran her hands through his hair and Ben moved to rest comfortably between Rey’s thighs. Rey let out a soft breath at the feeling of Ben pressed against her. She had never been this close to someone before, and Rey knew that she’d never be able to satisfy this desire within her on her own ever again. She needed him, in many ways. 

Rey let herself press against Ben’s hard cock. Their underwear was all that was left to separate them. Ben let out an almost primal groan. He wanted to bury himself within her and consume her just as much as she consumed him. 

Ben let a hand slip between them, pressing against her underwear. He looked up at Rey, asking for permission. 

Rey nodded, desperate for him. This was the most anyone had ever seen of her, but oddly enough it didn’t feel that strange with Ben. He knew every part of her emotionally. To Rey, it felt like her body was the least of her issues. It was more difficult to be so emotionally vulnerable to Ben, rather than physically. 

Ben’s hand dipped beneath her underwear and his thumb searched for the nub that made Rey’s eyes roll back into her head. Once he found it, his thumb gently circled it while his index finger explored Rey’s warmth. 

Rey couldn’t believe how much better it felt to have Ben’s hands touching her instead of her own. It was so freeing to give up that control and place it in Ben’s hands. Rey’s head fell back onto the mattress while one hand guided Ben’s, helping him find all the places she liked to be touched. Ben’s index finger teased Rey’s enternece before gently working it’s way inside of her. 

Ben could have fallen apart right then and there. Having Rey so pliant and willing under his touch was almost too much to bare. She was so beautiful, free of anger and stress. It was like a dream to watch Rey come undone just from his touch. Ben’s hands were much larger that Rey’s own which allowed him to reach the places Rey could not get to on her own. This left Rey a whining mess, constantly begging for more and more. Ben was more than willing to give her more, but he wanted to make sure Rey would be able to take him first. 

Rey whimpered when Ben pulled his hand away, reaching out for him. Ben smirked. It made him feel good to know that she wanted him. 

“Have patience, little Jedi.” Ben teased. He finally released himself from his tight briefs and was able to touch himself with his bare hand. Ben’s head fell back and a soft moan left his lips as his hand wrapped around his hard cock. 

Rey looked up at Ben and her mouth fell open at the sight of him, completely nude. She couldn’t believe the two of them had waited so long to do this. Rey reached between them to touch Ben, curious to see his reaction. 

It took everything he had not to cum just simply from Rey’s touch. This was more than he ever thought he’d have with Rey. Ben let her touch him for a moment before tugging off her underwear and pressing against her entrance gently. Ben watched Rey carefully as he pressed into her. 

Rey’s hands found their place on Ben’s forearms, holding him tight. Ben’s hands rested on her hips, likely leaving behind small bruises that Rey would find the next morning. Rey’s eyes never left Ben’s as he slowly pressed into her, giving her time to adjust. Rey found herself gasping at the intrusion. She had never felt so _full._ Ben was massive, which was really no surprise given his height and broad shoulders. Rey did her best to relax, allowing Ben to just barely fit his entire length inside her. 

Ben did his best to control himself. The Force was thrumming with their love and desire for each other. The energy in the room drowned out any anxiety Ben had felt before. All he could think about was how lovely Rey looked, her hair spread out across the pillow and eyes fluttering shut at his touch. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, not daring to move. Ben hovered above Rey, nose brushing hers. 

“Yes,” Rey panted, her hand moving to rest on Ben’s shoulder. “Move?” Her voice was breathy, and so unlike her usual tone. Ben was more than happy to oblige. He moaned, pulling out of her a bit before pressing back in. Rey’s breath hitched and she let out a soft moan as Ben settled back inside her. 

Rey gripped Ben’s shoulders as he thrusted in and out of her. Rey was surprised to find that act of sex with Ben felt so comforting to her. Rey had seen many girls sell themselves for credits over her time on Jakku. They had told her how dirty and gross they felt after, knowing this was what they had to do to survive. This had left Rey with a sour taste in her mouth, assuming all sex would feel that way. Yet with Ben, sex did not feel like some sort of exchange. It felt like love. Ben would press gentle kisses to her face and continued to ask how she felt throughout the whole act. His goal was not simply to satisfy himself, but her as well. Ben made her feel safe, protected. Rey could not deny how the Force filled the air around them with warmth and light. Every thing felt so right with Ben. Every touch, every kiss was like it had been mapped out in the stars. 

Ben held Rey close, peppering light kisses to every freckle on her face. She was everything, she was infinite, consuming all of him entirely. He had little experience, save for some adolescent experiences when he had stayed at Luke’s camp. Jedi were not allowed to have attachments, but that didn’t stop them from experimenting. When Ben joined Snoke, he learned that the Sith looked at emotions in a different way, encouraging passion and anger and fear. Ben had never gotten far with anyone in the First Order, though. His dreams were filled with visions of a girl. ( _“What girl?”_ ) It was clear to him now more than ever that that girl was Rey. She was everything pure and bright, drawing him deeply into the light. And Ben no longer cared about what was dark and light. He and Rey fell into the in between, a storm of grey that was growing between them. 

Rey felt herself nearing her climax and bore down on Ben, drawing out an uncontrollable moan from him. Ben was also nearing his climax and Rey’s blissed out face pulled it from him. Ben buried himself inside her, his face laying in the crook of Rey’s neck. 

The only sound that could be heard was their labored breaths as Ben and Rey came down from their high. Rey’s hands found purchase in Ben’s hair, running her fingers gently through his dark curls. 

After a moment, Ben pulled out, and Rey let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding in. Ben laid down beside Rey and the two found themselves staring lovingly at each other. 

Rey took in Ben completely, committing each scar and freckle on his body to memory. Ben did the same, a hand coming up to cup Rey’s left breast in his hand. He admired her soft chest and ran a thumb over Rey’s rosy nipple. Rey shuddered at the touch and her cheeks flushed once more. Ben let his hands fall to rest on Rey’s waist. 

“That was...”

“Lovely.” Rey finished Ben’s thought and buried her face into his chest shyly. Ben smirked in that typical Solo way and wrapped his arms gently around Rey, holding her to him. 

“Yes.” Ben murmured, resting his chin on top of Rey’s head. 

It was hard to believe how easily they fit into each other’s arms, as if they were sculpted from a similar mold. Rey and Ben were so completely different in nearly every way, but fit together so perfectly it was like the Gods design. The Force vibrated calmly as Ben and Rey slept soundly in each other’s arms. The peace felt between them erupted through their bond and drowned out the Forces incessant hum, which unbeknownst to Ben and Rey, marked the creation of something knew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BIG THINGS ARE COMING!! Please let me know what you guys think and what you want to see in this story. I have a general idea of what I want to happen but I’m always up for some change. :)


	6. A Ray of Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get some news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t say much here bc I don’t wanna spoil anything but aH ITS HAPPENING

Things had grown pretty intense between Ben and Rey following their intimate encounter. Ben was trying now more than ever to convince Rey to leave the Resistance, to rule by his side. 

Rey tried her best to refuse him but the offer was seeming more and more tempting as time went on. 

“What is the point in living your life for someone else?” Ben asked one night. Neither of them could sleep, deciding instead to talk until the early hours of the morning. Rey’s back was pressed against Ben’s front and her left hand interlocked with Ben’s, their knuckles fitting in between each other’s perfectly. 

“I’m not, Ben. I’m living my life for myself...I am fighting for my friends.”

“Well you can still do that with me, can’t you? The Resistance is just as destructive as the First Order.”

“And you don’t live your life differently in order to lead the First Order?” Rey asked, knowing too well the answer. Ben did not reply and simply huffed, burying his head in her hair. 

“I suppose you have a point.” Ben grumbled. Rey smiled and pressed a kiss to Ben’s knuckles, the two of them eventually falling asleep

“You’ve got your head in the clouds again.” Finn teased, nudging Rey at the breakfast table. Rey smiled and shook it off. 

“Sorry, just have a lot on my mind.” Rey replied, nudging her meal with her fork. She was used to the bland and sometimes unintelligible meals she would eat with the Resistance, but that day Rey was feeling particularly nauseated by the grey mush on her plate. 

“Are you feeling alright, Rey? You look a bit pale.” Rose noted. She sat beside Finn and peered at Rey with a look of concern. 

Rey shook her head. “Really, I’m fine. Just not all that hungry, that’s all.” Rey said. Chewie offered to finish her breakfast for her and Rey was more than happy to remove the plate from under her nose. 

“Well are you still up to training with me today?” Finn asked before shoving another fork full of food in his mouth. Rey smiled and nodded. 

“Is it alright if I join you two? I should probably do some training myself.” Rose asked, particularly looking at Finn’s reaction. 

“I don’t mind.” Rey replied, turning to Finn to see what he’d say. Finn said nothing and with a look of surprise, simply nodded.

Rey stood from her seat and disposed of her trash. “Just come find me after you’re done.” Rey told Finn before leaving the cafeteria. The place seemed busy as usual, people coming and going every moment. Rey found herself walking around the camp, trying to keep herself at ease. She had been feeling unwell for a few days. Rey had lost her appetite and rarely had any energy during the day. She had not bothered to go to the Med Bay, and simply assumed she’d feel better in a few days. Regardless of where Rey’s allegiance lied, she still needed to train. She had no time to be sick. 

Rey had found their normal training area and sat herself down on a stump. She had been pushing herself really hard, trying to become more focused and precise in her training. Ben had offered to help train her, but there was only so much he could do when they were both so far apart. 

Something had changed in Rey’s bond to Ben, not that either one of them would acknowledge it. And it was beginning to scare Rey. She had never been so sure of anything than when she chose to have sex with Ben, but now with this strange shift in their bond, Rey began to wonder if she had made a mistake. Something had changed and Rey couldn’t put her finger on just what it was. It was as if the Force knew something she didn’t. And Rey hates when the Force left her out of the know. 

Ben had felt a shift in their bond as well. They both were still incredibly intimate with each other, closer than they ever had been before, but something was different. Something was growing. Ben had tried to distract himself from it, too scared of what this change might mean for his relationship with Rey, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore. 

Ben was sat at a desk in his quarters, reading over a damage report when he tentatively reached out to Rey. He tried not to do this often, as it felt like an invasion of her thoughts, but Ben needed the reassurance. Ben had begun to wonder if he had done something wrong which had caused this change in their bond. He hadn’t recalled doing anything in particular, but he wasn’t too sure. When Ben reached out, he was overwhelmed by a surge of love and trust that flooded through him. This left Ben with a warm feeling in his chest and the ghost of a smile on his face. She loved him. Neither one of them had dared to say it aloud, but it was true that they were both very much in love. A sense of relief rushed over Ben, knowing without a doubt that his feelings were reciprocated. It was comforting to know that he and Rey were on the same page, at least about that. Whatever this change was they would figure it out together, just like they always did. Ben was content with the answer the Force gave him and went back to his work, feeling a little brighter than before.

It happened when Rey, Rose, and Finn had been training in hand-to-hand combat. Though it was rare that Rey would ever be left without her lightsaber, it was important that she prepared for the worst. 

Finn had caught Rey off guard for a moment, causing Rey to slip on the gravel beneath her. Her ankle went sideways and she had landed on it hard. 

“Krif!” Rey had cried out. Rose was quick to be at Rey’s side. 

“Damn, Finn. She’s really hurt,” Rose huffed. “Can you stand, Rey?” 

Rey tried her best to push herself up off of the ground, but found herself stumbling. What was wrong with her? She was never so off balance. Finn and Rose were quick to help Rey up. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry.” Finn apologized earnestly. Rey shook her head. 

“It’s alright. Just get me to the Med Bay, alright?” 

Finn nodded and he and Rose helped Rey walk to the Med Bay. Rey knew Leia would likely be upset that she had been able to be caught to off guard, but she didn’t care too much. Rey hadn’t realized just how awful she felt until she took that fall. Perhaps it was a good thing she was going to the Med Bay after all. 

Ben felt it, like a punch in the gut. Rey was hurt. Ben stood up, abruptly ending the conversation in the conference room he was in. “Everyone. Out.” Ben said, voice firm enough that everyone, even Hux, knew not to ask any questions. 

It took a moment for everyone to file out of the room, a few of them giving their Supreme Leader odd looks. Ben felt himself being pulled to Rey and it only took a few seconds before he materialized in front of her. 

“Somethings wrong. What happened?” Ben was immediately filled with concern. Rey looked as though she had been crying. She was back in her room. Finn and Rose decided to give Rey some space after her trip to the Med Bay and Rey was incredibly thankful for that. She didn’t like it when other people saw her cry. 

“I’m alright, just a sprained ankle.” Rey replied, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She looked down at her lap, not daring to look Ben in the eyes. 

Ben frowned and slowly sat down across from her. Something was off. He looked over Rey intently, as if he could find the cause of the problem that way. 

“Then why are you crying?” He asked, reaching out to take her hand. 

Rey sniffled and took Ben’s hand. She shook her head, looking down as her fingers interlocked with Ben’s. How could she even say it aloud? 

“What is it?” Ben urged, holding Rey’s hand gently. “Whatever it is, we can get through it.” He said, but it was more to comfort himself than Rey.

There was a pause, and Rey looked up at Ben with bloodshot eyes that made Ben’s heart ache.

“I’m pregnant.” 

The words hung heavy in the air, neither one of them able to speak for a moment. The words sunk in slowly.

“Ben, say something.” Rey begged, still holding on to his hand. 

“We’re having a baby.” Ben said softly. It was more of a statement than a question but Ben’s tone was full of disbelief. 

Rey nodded, letting out a breath of relief at Ben’s voice. “It seems so.” Rey replied. 

Ben had always worried that he’d end up just like his father. A coward, a deadbeat. But in that moment, Ben knew that he would do anything for Rey and their child. He would bend space and time, he’d travel to the ends of the galaxy just to keep them safe. He knew without a doubt that their child would never have to experience the same pain and heartbreak that he and Rey had. Their child would be loved unconditionally and raised with compassion and empathy. 

Ben pulled Rey close and held her in his arms. Rey was quick to relish in Ben’s touch, wrapping her arms around him and leaning against his broad chest. 

“You aren’t mad?” Rey sniffled, looking up at Ben. She had been so scared that the news might send Ben running, but he appeared amazed by the news. 

“How could I be?” Ben asked. “We’re having a child.”

Rey felt tears of relief flow freely down her cheeks and she leaned in to kiss Ben softly. Ben kisses back, full of love for the girl in his arms. He couldn’t believe it. A baby. The only issue was, Rey was still lightyears apart from him. It was hard enough trying to keep her safe when she was so far away, and now Ben had to keep their child safe as well. 

“You’ll have to leave,” Ben said softly. He and Rey had been talking about it for ages now, and as much as he wanted Rey to be with him, he knew how difficult it would be for her to leave. “I can’t keep the two of you very safe when you’re half a galaxy away.” 

“ _The two of us_.” Rey thought. What a strange concept. She had wondered if she’d make a good mother, with so little experience and knowledge of motherly things. Rey nodded. There was no argument. She loved Ben with all her heart and she wanted what was best for their child. Just like Rey had done with everyone else in her life, it was time that Rey put their child and herself above everything else. 

Ben and Rey pulled away for a moment and Ben couldn’t help but admire Rey. How could he have not known before? She was glowing, full of all things bright and good. Ben reaches out nervously to touch her belly. 

“May I?” He asked. Rey nodded and let out a surprised laugh, still shedding a few tears.

Ben gave Rey a soft smile before reaching out and touching her. Ben let his hand slip beneath Rey’s top and found the warm skin beneath. There wasn’t much of a belly there, but the very idea that their child would grow there brought a tear to Ben’s eyes. He had never felt so full of love. A baby. He and Rey were having a baby.

Rey wiped away a stray tear that rolled down Ben’s cheek. “I love you.” She admitted, saying it finally for the first time out loud. 

Ben looked up from her tummy, surprised at the admission. “I love you too.” He replied, leaning in to give Rey a gentle kiss. 

After a moment, Ben came to sit beside Rey, pulling her into his lap and holding her. His back leaned up against the headboard of the bed and he ran his hand up and down the length of Rey’s spine as she laid her head on his chest. 

“Promise me no daring heroics before I can get to you, okay?” Ben requested, placing a kiss to the top of Rey’s head. 

Rey smiled and let her hand rest on her non-existent belly. She rolled her eyes. 

“Alright.” She agreed. Normally Rey would have put up more of a fight, but she had a whole other human being to thing about. Rey couldn’t believe how much she already loved their child. A mix of her and Ben, equal parts dark and light. Rey secretly wished their child might have Ben’s hair. Rey very much liked the idea of a little Ben Solo running around.

The two had spent a good while, holding each other close and talking about their future. It was scary. They were both young and scared. This would be a huge step for their relationship and would lead to a lot of changes. It was finally time for Rey and Ben to create a New Republic, a better world for their future child. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A LITTLE BEN SOLO!!! JUST IMAGINE HOW CUTE!!! I hope u guys enjoyed and as always, please lemme know if there’s anything you wanna see in this fic, maybe any headcanons you wanna see in writing. I will do my best!


	7. Kiss Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has to be honest with Leia and Rose. She must say her goodbyes.

It had been a week since Rey found out she was pregnant and she was becoming all too familiar with one of the early side affects. Morning sickness.

Rose knocked gently on the restroom door. “Rey?” She called out.

Rey’s hands gripped the cold sides of the toilet. She lifted her head. “I’m fine! I’ll be out in a second.” Rey was quick to down play the seriousness of her situation. She was pregnant with Kylo Ren’s baby. How on earth would any of her friends be able to understand? 

Rey stood from where she had been sat on her knees, walking over to the sink and splashing some water on her face. She lifted her gaze from the sink to her face in the mirror. It wouldn’t be like that forever. She likely would be through with the morning sickness within a week or so. Rey flushed the toilet and opened the door, nearly walking right into Finn and Rose. They both looked at her curiously and it filled Rey with anxiety that she was sure Ben could feel. 

“That’s the fourth time this week, Rey. Did the doctor say anything when you went to the Med Bay?” Rose asked, reaching out to comfort Rey. 

Rey tried to force a smile and shook her head, trying to laugh it off. “I’m fine you guys it’s just-“

“Clearly you aren’t,” Finn replied, looking at Rey with a serious expression. “You haven’t been able to eat breakfast with us all week. You’re constantly sick, and General Organa even said you haven’t been training with her. What is going on?” 

Rey couldn’t speak, a lump forming on her throat. How could she tell them? How could she say that she was having a baby? How would Rose ever be able to look at her again? Rose despised the First Order more than anyone, especially after Finn got injured.

Rose’s face went pale as the truth became obvious to her. She let out a sigh before turning to Finn. “Could you give Rey and I a moment to talk?” She asked, turning to Finn with eyes full of fondness. 

Finn looked from Rose to Rey, before looking back at Rose. He gave her a nod before leaving the two of them to speak. 

As soon at Rose was sure Finn was gone, the looked to Rey. “Are you going to say it or am I going to have to?” 

Rey immediately erupted into tears and Rose held her arms open to Rey. Rey immediately hugged Rose back, sobbing. “I’m so sorry.” Rey croaked. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Rey.” Rose said softly, hand running her hand up and down Rey’s back. Rey sniffled and pulled away to wipe her eyes. If only Rose knew the truth...she’d never be able to look at her the same. 

There was a silence as Rey tried to compose herself again. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it but...who’s baby is it?” Rose asked tentatively. 

Rey shook her head and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I can’t....I can’t.” She said. 

Rose nodded slowly. “I understand,” She placed a comforting hand on Rey’s shoulder. “I won’t say anything. I promise. But you really have to start taking it easy, alright? No one is gonna think less of you for looking out for yourself and your baby.” Rose said. And Rey sighed. Rey would be doing what was best for her and her child soon, but Rose would not see it that way. 

Rey faked a smile and nodded. “Thank you. It’s all just very new still. I’m not sure I am ready to tell everyone.” 

Rose offered Rey a comforting smile. “I get it. But you might want to talk to General Organa. She’s worried about you.” Rose said. 

Rey had been meaning to speak to Leia, but she was so terrified. Leia had a way of seeing right through her, making it nearly impossible to lie to her. 

“I will. Thank you, Rose. You’ve always been such a good friend.” Rey said softly. She needed to say her goodbyes. She’d be leaving soon. Rey supposed she still needed to work out the details with Ben. 

Rose gave Rey an odd look before smiling again. “Don’t go too soft on me, Rey,” Rose teased and gave Rey another hug. “I’m gonna go talk to Finn. Please, just take it easy, alright? I don’t want anything bad happening to you.” 

Rey nodded and watched as Rose left to see Finn. The two of them were officially together and it kinda made Rey’s heart melt. Rey blamed it all on the little bundle of cells growing inside her. 

Rey took a deep breath and sat down for a moment. She supposed she really did need to speak to Leia soon. Leia was, after all, going to be a grandmother. Not that she would know that. Rey did her best to pull herself together. That would be a difficult discussion to have. And Rey wasn’t sure she was ready for it. 

Things had been a bit chaotic since Rey told Ben she was pregnant. Ben had to act quickly and carefully to get Rey to him with little suspicion. Ben knew there was no chance that Rey would let him send a ship for her. She would never agree to that. Rey had made it very clear that she’d be flying herself. 

Ben had formed a plan with Rey. She would fly to a nearby docking station, where the Knights of Ren would meet her on there way back from their mission. Ben had made it incredibly clear that Rey was to be treated like royalty, as she soon would be. Ben planned to tell everyone that Rey had surrendered and he would be training her. He wasn’t sure how believable that would be, but Ben hadn’t much choice. He had yet to inform Rey that in order to transition the First Order to the New Republic, it would be ideal that they marry. Ben didn’t want to add any additional stress on to Rey though, and kept the idea to himself. 

Ben was unbelievably anxious to see Rey again. Things would be so different without so much time and space in between them. It made the idea that he would soon be a father even more real. Ben was glad she would be leaving, not only for his own selfish reasons, but because now he was certain Rey would get the best healthcare and protection that he could offer. It would take a huge weight off of Ben’s shoulders to know Rey would be safe with him.

“I was beginning to think you’d been ignoring me.” Leia said. She had been outside testing some of the drones she trained Rey with. 

“Master, I need to speak with you,” Rey replied. She felt like she could get sick again at any moment. 

“Well I would assume so, after you’ve been so distant,” Leia finally turned to look at Rey and her expression quickly changed to one of concern. Rey’s face was still red from crying and she didn’t look especially well considering the fact that she had been throwing up for the past few weeks. “Oh dear Rey, what’s happened?” Leia asked, setting down a droid and walking towards Rey. 

Rey did her best to keep herself together, not wanting to cry again. “I have let you down.” Rey replied, the all too familiar lump in her throat returning. 

Leia’s hands came to rest on Rey’s arms as she looked at her with motherly concern. “Rey, you could never let me down,” Leia reassured. “Here, let’s sit.” 

Leia and Rey found a bench near where Rey usually trained. Rey sat down and Leia sat beside her. Leia took Rey’s hand and looked at her expectantly.

Rey took a deep breath before daring to look at Leia. “I am pregnant.” Rey admitted under her breath. 

Leia was silent for a moment, taking the words in. “Pregnant...Well....that certainly explains a lot,” Leia replies, trying to lighten the mood. Rey gave Leia a weak smile and nodded.

“Well, I suppose we should give your training a rest...do you know who the father is?” Leia asked, giving Rey’s hand a comforting squeeze. 

The question killed Rey a little bit inside. She couldn’t lie to Leia, not after all she had done for Rey. Rey nodded, looking down at her and Leia’s hands. 

“Who is the father?” Leia asked softly. Rey looked up at Leia with sad eyes and shook her head. 

“I can’t tell you.” Rey murmured.

Rey couldn’t hold it in and let out a sob. Her hand quickly came to cover her mouth as she cried. Leia took Rey in her arms and held her close. Leia needed no explanation and couldn’t be mad at Rey. It was clear Rey knew all too well how difficult the situation was. There wasn’t anything Leia could say that would make Rey feel any worse than she already did. No words were spoken as Rey cried into Leia.

“I’m so sorry,” Rey croaked after a moment, pulling away to wipe her face and sniffle. “I know I’m letting everyone down.” 

Leia looked at Rey sadly. “Rey, I have been a mother,” Leia said softly. 

“I know how hard it is to have another life rely on you. I was so scared, and I let myself make terrible choices because I thought it was what everyone else wanted,” Leia admitted. Rey could envision little Ben Solo being shipped away to live with Luke after plenty of arguing between Han and Leia. Leia shook her head.

“If I can give you any advice it is this, do what is best for you and your child. There is a strength in you unlike any I’ve known before. Whatever you may do, I know you will make the right choice.” 

Rey nodded slowly at Leia’s words. She wished that this was all happening under different circumstances. She wished she could tell Leia she would be a grandmother without Leia being so terribly disappointed in her. She wished she could just have a normal life, but it seemed that none of those things were in the cards for Rey. 

“Thank you, Master,” Rey replied, slightly more composed than before. She sniffled. “You’ve done so much for me, I wish I could repay you.” Rey said earnestly, squeezing Leia’s hand.

“Take good care of my son,” Leia said, giving Rey a knowing look. “And my grandchild.” Rey’s heart fell. How did she know? 

“General Organa, please. I ca-“

“No need for explanation, my dear. I know.” Leia reassured Rey, letting go of her hand. 

“I am old now, but wiser than you give me credit for.” Leia smiled softly and stood from her seat. 

Rey couldn’t believe it. Leia knew? And she was essentially giving Rey her permission to leave? Rey was aware of Leia’s connection to the Force, but perhaps she had underestimated her abilities. Rey didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you,” Rey said softly. “For everything.” 

Leia nodded and smiled lovingly at Rey, before walking off to leave Rey with her thoughts. 

Rey laid out under a sky of stars, her hand finding its place atop her belly. There still was barely anything there, as she was still very early into the pregnancy, but it just felt right. Rey looked away from the sky at the sound of footsteps behind her, kicking pieces of gravel with each step. It was Finn. Rey offered him a smile and patted the spot beside her for him to sit.

Rey could barely read Finn’s expression in the dark, but she could feel waves of emotion coming off of him. She didn’t speak, looking back at the sky. 

“I didn’t know friends kept things from each other.” Finn said, sitting beside Rey. He looked at her carefully, obvious hurt in his voice.

Rey sighed. This wasn’t how she wanted this conversation to go, but she was sure everyone would know soon enough. She and Finn used to be so close, but since she and Ben had begun seeing each other she spent less and less time with him. 

“I’m sorry,” Rey replied. She frowned at Finn. “I haven’t been a very good friend recently.” Finn shook his head at that. 

“I know that you have a lot going on, with training and everything, but you just haven’t been the same for a while.” 

Rey nodded. “I know,” She replied. Rey sighed and laid back onto the ground. “Sometimes I think it’s just easier to keep it all to myself so no one else has to deal with my issues.” 

Finn frowned and laid on his back beside Rey.

“It isn’t your job to protect everyone.” He said honestly. 

The words hit home. Rey always felt like she had to look out for everyone, like she had the whole word on her shoulders. “Thank you.” Rey whispered. 

Finn nodded and they both looked up at the clusters of stars above them. “So are you going to tell me what’s going on? Rose won’t tell me. And she’s too stubborn for me to get it out of her.” 

Rey huffed out a laugh. She shook her head and sighed. Rey tried to find the right words to say but she wasn’t sure they existed. “I’m fine, alright? Just been a bit sick. I didn’t want you to worry.” Rey lied. A pool of guilt began to fill within her. Rey hated lying. Especially to her friends. Finn nodded and didn’t ask any questions. Rey was secretive, and he understood that. 

Rey knew she’d be leaving soon, likely the next morning. She needed to say goodbye.

“Thank you for caring,” Rey said. “People don’t usually look out for me like you do.”

Finn smiled fondly at Rey. “Of course.” The two of them laid in silence, taking in the city of stars that shined down on them. 

Finn had left to say goodnight to Rose and Rey followed Finn inside, leaving to her room. She supposed there was no need to pack. All she would bring was herself, her saber, and the Jedi texts. 

Ben was already there when Rey opened the door, waiting for her on her bed. Rey smiled softly at the sight of him. She took off her boots and walked over too him, falling all too easily into his arms. 

“Hi.” Rey said softly, beaming brightly at Ben. Ben did just the same and held her close. “Hello.” Ben replied. Little needed to be said, both of them well aware of how much was going to change for them. 

“I’ll actually be in your arms in just a few days.” Rey murmured. Rey laid her back against Ben’s chest. Ben squeezed her gently. 

“I know,” He replied. “It would be much sooner if you’d just let me come get you, you know?” Ben teased her. Rey rolled her eyes. 

“No way.” It was so odd to think about all that had changed between her and Ben over the past few months. Never in her whole life did Rey think she would be a mother, let alone to Kylo Ren’s child. Or that she’d lay in his arms at night. 

Ben’s face was buried in Rey’s hair, and his arms wrapped around her so he could place a protective hand on Rey’s belly. 

Rey thought about Leia. She hoped that after this was all over, Leia might one day be able to see their child. Leia might not have always made the best choices for her son, but Rey knew Leia would love to be a grandmother and she’d love their child. 

Rey placed her hand over Ben’s. She’d be gone by morning and Ben would be too. Rey knew they wouldn’t be able to spend nights together like that again. Things would be different. They would have to keep things between them a secret, at least until Ben could convince everyone to accept Rey as their Empress. The idea was terrifying. Empress Rey. She couldn’t believe it. 

“I love you,” Ben reminded Rey, feeling her anxiety roll off of her. “I wouldn’t ask you to come if it wasn’t going to be safe here for you. We will work through this. And soon the galaxy will be a safe place to raise our child.” Rey could almost cry at Ben’s words. 

_Our child_.

Rey turned in Ben’s arms to kiss him softly. “I love you too. I’m just...”

“Don’t be afraid. I feel it too.” Ben said softly. They were both so scared, but soon there would be no more fear. Not for them, not for anyone. 


	8. The Only Light I’ve Ever Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey leaves the Resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so ur girl made a playlist?? This isn’t a song fic but I just have been adding songs that remind me of Rey and Ben so if ur interested here is the link (Venus by Sleeping at Last hits hard)   
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2joogD0BJd09aakVdofbib?si=6Gok-XP1RliiVbdNxQOVJg

When Rey left, there was barely any light out, the sun still resting over the horizon. 

She had packed the few things she needed before finding where the ships were stationed. Rey didn’t want to steal one, but it seemed she had no other choice. She was like a teenager, sneaking out past curfew. Rey took a speeder that she used from time to time, hoping it was one the Resistance could live without for a while. As Rey climbed into the ship, she heard someone calling out to her.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Poe asked. Dear Gods, how was he up so early? Rey would have still been in bed if it weren’t for her nausea, and the pull in her chest telling her she needed to leave.

Rey was startled but smiled. Oh Poe. How could she leave without saying goodbye to him too?

“General Organa is sending me off on a mission. Very top secret Jedi stuff. You wouldn’t understand.” Rey answered in a teasing tone and Poe rolled his eyes. 

“Oh whatever, just keep it in one piece. And stay safe, alright?” Poe said, flashing that oh so charming smile. Rey smiled back and nodded.

“Of course. Thank you. And here,” Rey took a folded up letter from her bag, handing it to Poe. 

“Would you mind giving this to the General?” Poe looked down at the letter in his hands, a bit curious, before nodding. “Sure. No problem.” 

Rey smiled fondly. “Thank you.” Rey took one last look at Poe before taking off. 

While Rey was not nearly as talented at flying as Poe, she could certainly manage on her own. Rey knew where she was going and did her best to remain as inconspicuous as possible. Anxiety was bubbling up inside Rey as she flew farther and farther away from the Resistance. Rey just kept remembering Leia’s words, playing them on repeat in her head. 

_Whatever you may do, I know you will make the right choice._

Rey wondered if she’d feel the same ten years from now. Would she still think she made the right choice, then? If Rey’s vision was anything to go by, the Force needed Rey and Ben together in order to bring an end to the war. She hoped that her vision was right, and that she wasn’t just leaving for her own selfish reasons. Rey remembered what Luke had said to her, about the Jedi needing to end. Perhaps Rey should have listened better. Maybe he was right. 

Rey was thankful when she began to draw close to the First Order Spacecraft carrier. She was feeling rather nauseous and the flying as well as her own anxiety only seemed to make things worse. 

Rey was being watched from the moment the ship landed. Of course it was unusual for a Resistance ship to land on a First Order carrier, but it seemed as though the few people there were expecting her arrival. Rey wasn’t sure how, but she sensed her tiny ship would find its way back to the Resistance. Ben had thought of every intimate detail in his plan to retrieve Rey, as well as integrate her into the First Order. It was a delicate matter and every detail was attended to under Ben’s close inspection. 

The carrier was completely empty, save for one First Order ship. It was gargantuan compared to the dinky ship Rey had flown. The carrier seemed haunting, so devoid of the usual hustle and bustle that would normally be found on any carrier. Rey collected her things before stepping out of the ship. 

Rey was quickly greeted by two of the Knights of Ren who watched Rey carefully as she stepped out of the ship. The two Knights were masked, donned in attire similar to Kylo’s usual outfit. Their presence was incredibly assertive and almost abrasive in a way. Rey looked over the Knights carefully. She supposed if Ben trusted them, she could too. 

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren sent us to collect you and transport you to him safely.” One Knight explained. Rey nodded and followed the Knights to the ship, where four others stood guard. 

As Rey stepped onto the ship, everything suddenly felt real. She was leaving, and within a few hours she’d be with Ben. The thought calmed her a bit, but not enough to keep her from eventually getting sick. It wasn’t long after Rey had sat down on the ship that she got ill. It was frustrating. Rey was so used to being strong and brave and powerful, but now that she was in her early weeks of pregnancy, she felt anything but. 

Rey could sense the Knights uneasiness. They had only just gotten Rey aboard the ship and she was already ill. They were not sure what to do with her. Two Knights who appeared to be women escorted Rey to the restroom and helped clean her up, while the mess was disposed of. The two girls removed their masks once they were behind closed doors. When Rey looked at them, she realized they were practically identical. Both girls had dark hair, one had it cut short while the other kept hers in braids. They both were tan skinned and had dark green eyes that nearly cut through Rey. “ _Sisters_.” Rey realized.

“Thank you.” Rey breathed as one of the girls handed Rey a towel to wash her face. She felt like hell, and honestly looked like it too. This was certainly not the way she hoped to look when she saw Ben again, but it seemed like the universe didn’t care much for what Rey wanted. 

The girls nodded before looking at each other and then Rey again. “It is our job to protect you and keep you safe during our journey. That was made very clear.” One of them commented. 

Rey washed her face as they spoke. “What are your names?” Rey asked, turning off the water and disposing of the towel. 

“Cora.” Replied the shorter haired girl. “Alya.” Replied the other. Rey nodded and tried to commit the names to memory.

“Well thank you, again. Do you know how long the trip will take?” Rey asked, smoothing out her outfit. She hadn’t realized how simple she looked. Rey had never appeared more like a scavenger in her life, compared to the smooth and sleek style of the First Order. 

“Less that 4 hours.” Cora replied. Alya nodded. 

“You should try and rest until then. We will be here should you need anything.” Alya added. Rey thanked them both once again and let them lead her to a small sleeping area in the back of the ship. It had four bunks, two on each side. It was clearly meant for the crew, but Rey knew she’d be fast asleep as soon as she laid down. 

The Knights left Rey to rest and returned their masks to their faces before getting back to work. 

Ben’s morning and the days prior had been busy, as he prepared for Rey’s arrival. He was not usually a nervous person, but everything needed to go completely to plan. He met with Hux the day prior to inform Hux that the Knights of Ren would be retrieving a very important asset to the First Order. It wasn’t entirely a lie. Rey was extremely powerful and when she was at his side, they were unstoppable. There was a meeting planned for the morning after the Knights arrived and Ben knew if would be a tense one. The First Order has allies and Ben would need to convince them, as well as Hux, that Rey had offered her allegiance to the First Order. Ben would train Rey and eventually they would come clean about their relationship, but for now Ben was mostly focused on Rey’s safe arrival. 

Ben had been pacing his quarters for ages before he received the alert that the Knights of Ren had returned with Rey. Ben was quick to straighten himself up, preparing to see her again. Ben’s heart beat loudly in his chest. He could _feel_ her. Rey’s Force signature was overwhelming and Ben found himself being drawn to her immediately. 

Rey had awoken as soon as the ship landed. She collected her things and looked out the window, her heart swelling at the knowledge that Ben was so close by. Cora and Alya led Rey off the ship and into the base. Rey looked around curiously. She didn’t usually take the time to look around when she was in a First Order base, as she was usually kicking ass or something of that nature. Rey was beginning to feel overwhelmed when the Knights stopped in front of a large metal door. One of them typed in a code and they entered inside. 

Rey was led down a long corridor to a room. The walls were glass, giving a view of the land surrounding the base. There was a long table set in the center, with a grandiose chair sat at the head. Rey knew immediately that it was Ben’s seat. There were other chairs along the sides of the table, tucked in nicely. One of the Knights grabbed a data tablet, and Rey assumed they were informing Ben on their arrival. The Knights spoke quietly amongst each other as Rey looked around. Cora turned to Rey and spoke.

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren will be here shortly.” And Rey nodded. 

“This place is massive.” Rey wondered aloud.

“This is just a conference room.” Alya laughed. Rey knew Ben had lived a much more comfortable life that herself, but she was amazed all the same.

Rey felt her heart leap in her chest as she heard the all too familiar sound of boots stomping forward. Rey tried her best to mask her excitement and nerves. The Knights grew quiet and straightened up, preparing for their leaders entrance. 

Rey’s breath hitched when she heard the sound of the metal door opening with a hiss. And suddenly there he was. Rey looked up to see Ben Solo, parading around in Kylo Ren’s clothing. Rey felt her cheeks heat up immediately and it was like the Force was singing. They were so close. For the first time in months Rey could reach out and actually touch him without worrying he’d fade away. But Rey didn’t. Straightening her posture, she looked up at Ben. She shot Ben a teasing look before speaking. 

“Hello, Supreme Leader.” The words were like pure sex coming from Rey’s lips, and Ben’s mouth fell slightly agape. He couldn’t reply, eyes looking over every inch of Rey’s body. 

“Supreme Leader, we have returned with Rey as you ordered and gathered much information on our mission.” One of the Knights informed Ben. 

It was like Ben was being pulled out of a trance, his eyes finally breaking away from Rey for a moment. 

“Thank you. We shall discuss your findings in the morning. You all may retire for the evening.” Ben relieved the Knights, letting them rest after the long trip. The Knights bowed their heads, before leaving single-file out the door. After the Knights left, Ben pressed a button, sealing the door behind them and closing the blinds. Ben turned back to Rey and pulled her in for a slow kiss. Rey’s hands quickly found purchase on Ben’s shoulders, Rey standing on the tips of her toes just to reach his lips. The man was truly a giant. His presence was overwhelming and Rey couldn’t get enough. When they both pulled away, Ben took Rey’s hand. 

“You’re here.” He sighed, sounding relieved. Rey nodded shyly. Ben’s eyes were full of so much emotion and it was clear there was so much he wanted to say and do, but couldn’t. Ben sighed happily and reluctantly let go of Rey’s hand.

“There is much I need to show you. Follow me.” He instructed, and Rey did. 

Ben walked Rey down the corridor, stopping at another set of metal doors. When they opened, there was a large sitting room, decorated in dark furniture. The walls were grey and the room had two large windows. The space was furnished beautifully. Ben led Rey inside and they were met by a young lady who appeared to be a little older than Rey. She was in a black uniform, her blonde hair tied back in an elegant braid. She looked up as Ben addressed her. 

“Zala, this is my...” Ben didn’t quite know what to call Rey. At least not to everyone else. “This is Rey. Would you take her to her quarters? There is something I need to do.” Ben glanced at Rey from the corner of his eye and looked back at Zala. 

Zala nodded. “Yes, Master Ren.” Zala took Rey’s things and Rey looked to Ben curiously. Ben gave Rey a reassuring glance. 

“I will be back soon.” He promised. Ben left Rey with Zala and a silence fell as Rey looked around. The seating room appeared to connect two rooms: one on the left and one on the right. Both rooms were closed off with huge black doors. Zala offered Rey a polite smile. 

“Right this way, miss.” Zala walked over to the left set of doors, opening them to reveal what would be Rey’s quarters. 

Rey was taken back by the room. The furnishing was similar to that of the sitting area. There was a large bed in the center and a desk pressed up against the wall to its left. There was also a massive wardrobe. Rey couldn’t imagine having enough clothes to ever fill it. Rey walked around the room, taking it all in. 

Zala explained that the door beside the bed led to a bathroom and Rey explored it. Rey was stunned to see cool grey tile lining the floor and a bathtub large enough for two. There was a toilet and a sink as well as a shower, and Rey spotted a vase full of flowers on the counter by the sink. Rey reached out to touch them. They seemed so familiar but she wasn’t sure where she had seen them before. Certainly not on her home planet, but perhaps in some reading she had done. Rey smiled softly at them. How beautiful. Rey turned around and found Zala watching her with a smile. 

“They are lovely, aren’t they?” Zala admired.

“Master Ren will be back momentarily, but if you need anything, you can call for me over the intercom.” Zala explained. 

“Thank you, Zala.” Rey replied, and with that Zala nodded and left Rey to settle in.

Rey looked around and took it all in for a moment. The place was huge, and bigger than any place Rey had lived in before. And although Rey was excited to be there with Ben, it was all a bit overwhelming.

Rey left the bathroom and went to the bed, sitting on the edge of it. It was softer than anything Rey had ever felt before. It all felt to surreal. Rey couldn’t believe people really lived in such luxury. 

Rey had been half expecting to share Ben’s quarters with him, but now that Rey thought about it, it would look pretty odd to the rest of the First Order. At least while she and Ben still had to sneak around. Rey hoped she might convince Ben to let her stay with him at night.

Rey made quick word of the buns that had been in her hair, letting her hair down. Her hair was already a mess after the flight, so it just seemed like the sensible thing to do. Rey ran her fingers through her hair, getting rid of any tangles and caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror that sat on the desk across from her. 

She walked over to it, looking at herself curiously. She rarely had the time to think about her appearance, but it was becoming increasingly obvious to Rey that she might have to get a new wardrobe. She looked like a bit of a mess, her clothes stained from overuse. And she supposed she would soon begin to grow out of her usual attire as she got farther into her pregnancy. 

Rey found herself lost in though, until she heard a knock at her door. Rey jumped at first and cleared her throat before speaking, and placing the mirror down. 

“Come in.” Rey replied. Rey could feel Ben before she saw him. The door opened and Ben stood there with a package in hand. Rey beamed brightly at him.

“What do you think?” Ben asked, walking towards her. 

“The flowers were a nice touch.” Rey gave Ben a soft smile and watched as his face went pink.

“I had hoped you’d like them.” Ben replied, suddenly very shy in front of Rey. Which was stupid, right? I mean he had already had sex with her, got her pregnant even, but Rey still seemed to have this affect on him. Ben felt less like a Supreme Leader and more like a foolish teenager. 

Rey smiled fondly at Ben before turning her attention towards the package in his hands. “What’s that?” She asked. 

Ben handed Rey the parcel, which was wrapped with a red ribbon. “I figured you might need some new clothes that were more fitting for someone in the First Order,” Ben answered, and Rey accepted the parcel gratefully.

“It’s alright if they aren’t your style, I was hoping we might get you fitted for some other things soon.” Ben added. He had little experience in gift giving or acts of affection really, but he wanted to take care of Rey. She had come halfway across the galaxy to be with him and to raise their child. He figured it was the least he could do.

Rey’s mouth fell agape in awe. No one had really ever given her a gift before. She undid the ribbon and opened the box. Rey pulled out several articles of clothing, the first being a black dress. The sleeves and skirt were long with a slit on each side that went up to her thighs, similar to her usual outfit. Rey also found a dark grey top. There was only one long sleeve and came with matching pants. Ben had added some other simple outfits, as well as regular things like underwear and such. Rey was positively beaming. 

“Ben, it’s all so lovely, thank you.” Rey said and Ben gave her an amused smile. Ben shrugged it off but he did feel quite accomplished, having made Rey smile.

“I think you’ll look nice in black.” Ben smirked, making his way over to Rey. 

“I wish I had something to give you in return.” Rey pouted, looking at Ben lovingly. She felt a bit guilty receiving such a beautiful gift without giving anything back. 

“You give me more than enough just by being here.” Ben replied. Rey blushed and folded the clothes back up, placing them back in the box. Rey placed her gifts on the desk before turning back to see Ben practically leering at her. Rey took a few shy steps towards Ben, unsure of what to say or do. He made her feel warm all over, but now that they were seeing each other in person, Rey was a bit nervous to make a move.

Ben cleared his throat and held back an amused grin. “I heard you made quite the impression on the Knights.” Ben smirked, earning a groan from Rey. Ben did his best to remain cool and collected even though his heart was pounding from the lack of space between himself and Rey.

“Ugh don't remind me. Your child keeps making me sick.” Rey pouted and Ben took Rey’s hand. The Force hummed around them at the touch.

“Well I apologize sincerely. I am sure that is not their intent.” Ben replied, tone lighthearted. Rey sighed and squeezed Ben’s hand. She looked around. 

“I still can’t believe I’m here.” Rey said, and Ben hummed in agreement. 

“I keep thinking you’ll disappear at any moment.” Ben added. He was quite nervous that Rey would not like things there, that she might change her mind and leave, taking their child with her. The though terrified him.

Rey returned her gaze to Ben and gave him a soft smile, feeling his anxiety through their bond.

“Well I won’t.” She replied. Rey stood up on her toes and pulled Ben down for a kiss. He smiled against her lips, resting his hands on her hips.

“I don’t know how I’m meant to keep my hands off of you when you make me feel like you do.” Ben murmured against Rey’s lips. Rey felt a fire growing inside her and was quick to close the gap between their lips once again. Ben’s hands travelled Rey’s hips and waist, always wanting more of her. They were interrupted, however, by a buzz from the intercom. Ben nearly whined and Rey couldn’t help but laugh. She was still finding parts of Ben’s personality to admire. While Kylo Ren was unusually bold and straight to the point, Ben was soft at heart and just as much of a flirt as his father. Rey felt her heart soften as she thought about Han. He wasn’t a great father, but he would have been a fun grandparent. Rey remembered how the Resistance had to forgive Finn when he left the First Order. Rey hoped she and the rest of the Resistance would be able to forgive Ben too for all the damage that was done. 

Ben answered the call and Rey tried to pull herself together. She could never get used to how easy it was for Ben to get her all hot and bothered. 

“What was that about?” Rey asked.

“Dinner,” Ben replied. “And I asked that we were not to be bothered for the rest of the evening.” Ben had that very famous Solo smirk on and Rey felt butterflies in her stomach.

At dinner, Ben showed Rey a variety of foods she was not accustomed to. Rey was eager to try them all, wanting to experience as much of the universe as she could. Rey found herself falling in love with the fresh fruits Ben gave her and enjoyed trying each one. Rey had never had so much food in front of her before. 

After dinner, Rey changed out of her dirty clothes and decided to stay in just the band that covered her breasts and leggings. Ben couldn’t help but ogle at her as she got undressed. Rey could feel his gaze burning through her, intense and hot like the sun, just like the man himself. Rey turned back to face Ben and felt his intense gaze even more directly. Ben was half dressed, in just his pants and undershirt. He waited for Rey in bed, watching her every movement. 

Rey climbed into bed, keeping her eyes on Ben the whole time. She kissed him slowly and savored every moment. Ben’s hands ran through Rey’s hair.

“You’re so beautiful.” Ben hummed against Rey’s lips. Rey gazed at Ben through her lashes and in that moment Ben felt the Force consume him like paper and an open flame. Everything was _Rey_. Her eyes, her smile, her love, her light. And Ben had never felt so weak in all his life. Ben had wasted so much time trying to push everyone away and not let anyone in and yet, with one single look Rey made that all seem so foolish. Rey was the only light Ben had ever known and Ben knew that regardless of how things turned out between him and Rey, he’d spend the rest of his life completely and totally in love with her. 

Rey grinned at the complement and shivered at the feeling of the Force around them. They were completely vulnerable to one another, their minds and souls laid bare through the power of the Force. They were so powerful together, their connection to the Force growing stronger from each touch, each breath. 

“I love you.” Rey whispered, like a secret just the two of them could share. Ben grinned at the omission and rolled the two of them over so Rey was laid on her back beneath him. Ben peppered Rey’s face with kisses, making Rey scrunch up her nose and laugh.

“I love you too.” Ben replied, their noses just barely touching. 

“I know.” Rey smirked and pulled Ben down for a much slower kiss. Ben tried his best to remain gentle with Rey, keeping in mind that she was pregnant. He had to be careful with her, even though part of him wanted nothing more than to pound her into the mattress. 

Rey brought something out in him. While she was responsible for a lot of his light, deep down she brought out some darkness too. Ben wanted her in all the worst ways, but he refused to indulge that darkness in him. At least not now, when he was holding Rey so close. 

Ben found his place between Rey’s thighs as they kissed, his hands squeezing her thighs. Rey let out a soft moan, so pliant under Ben’s touch and gaze. 

The two of them were like horny teenagers, hands grabbing at whatever they could and teeth clashing as they kissed. It wasn’t long before Rey was completely undressed again, with Ben just in his pants.

“I wanna try something,” Ben breathed out between kisses. 

“You just let me know if you want me to stop, okay?” He asked and Rey nodded, completely at Ben’s will.

Ben pressed gently kisses down Rey’s neck, paying special attention as he made his way to her breasts. Ben let his teeth graze Rey’s left nipple, drawing out a whimper from her. Ben smirked and continued his way down her chest, until he got to her stomach. He paused for a moment before leaving a gentle kiss where their child would soon grow. Rey smiled down at Ben and he finally found his face between Rey’s thighs. Ben’s left hand squeezed Rey’s thigh and his right hand fell between Rey’s thighs. Ben’s index finger parted her lips, teasing her entrance. Ben couldn’t believe how wet she already was. He could hardly contain himself as his thumb circled her clit. The soft, breathy moans that left Rey’s lips were ungodly and Ben swore he might just cum in his pants from the sounds she made. 

Rey gripped the sheets beneath her tight in her hands and gasped when Ben replaced his hand with his mouth and tongue. Ben reveled in the sea of explicit language that left Rey’s mouth, and if his own wasn’t so busy, he would have smirked. 

Rey was so incredibly sensitive, her body still acclimating to the influx of hormones that came from being pregnant. She was amazed by the unholy things Ben’s mouth could do. Even when Rey played with herself in the privacy of her room, it never felt as good as when Ben did it. It was all _so_ much and it felt _so_ good. 

Ben began to tease Rey once again with his fingers as he rolled her clit with his tongue, his index working its way into her. He hiked her leg up and let her bended knee rest on his shoulder, letting his fingers go deeper than before. Ben could not get over how beautiful Rey looked when he made her come undone like this. 

Rey bared down on Ben’s hand, riding on a high. Her hips moved to meet each thrust of Ben’s fingers and it wasn’t long before Rey was panting, coming completely undone from Ben’s touch.

Rey was exhausted, not only from her most recent orgasm, but from the hectic day she had. 

Rey laid against Ben, her back to his front. Ben wrapped his arms around Rey, letting a hand rest comfortably on her abdomen. 

“Tomorrow will be a bit busy. I’ll have to introduce you to a lot of people, but don’t over do things, alright? Don’t be afraid to let me know if you need to rest.” Ben worried over Rey. He wasn’t especially educated in all things pregnancy, but he knew from what Rey told him that in the beginning, it can be particularly miserable. Rey hummed in agreement and nuzzled into Ben’s touch. Ben softened at the action and pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head. 

“It’s strange, being pregnant,” Rey mused. “Knowing there is a living thing growing inside you, depending on you for protection.” Ben nodded. 

“I can only imagine. We will have to get you an appointment with someone at the Med Bay.” Ben replied. Rey paused a moment before speaking again. She turned in Ben’s embrace to look at him.

“Are you scared?” Rey asked, her voice quiet. Ben’s expression softened at her words.

“Terrified,” Ben answered. He tucked a piece of hair behind Rey’s ear and he gazed down at her. “But then I think of how strong we are together and how much we have gone through, and then I realize that we will manage just fine.” 

Rey’s heart leaped in her chest at Ben’s words. They did make a pretty great team. She remembered how happy they were in her vision, and how right it felt to see Ben holding their child. It was normal to be scared, but Rey knew now that they would be alright. Rey leaned in and kissed Ben softly. 

“I think you’ll be a good father.” Rey admitted. Her nose brushed Ben’s and he let out a sigh.

  
“I hope so.” He replied. Ben knew how it felt to have an absent father and he worried that he might not know how to be a good parent. It meant a lot to know Rey had faith in him. 

Rey smiled softly and laid her head on Ben’s chest. Tomorrow would be the beginning of so much for them, for the galaxy even. And Ben was so thrilled that he’d finally have Rey at his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys like this chapter! prepare yourselves for some juicy drama and angst in upcoming chapters


	9. Trust in the Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey faces General Hux, and the Resistance must contemplate Rey’s disappearance.

When Rey awoke the next morning, Ben was no longer in her bed. Rey found herself pouting, but understood that for appearances sake, he needed to be seen in his own quarters. And besides, he was Supreme Leader to the First Order. He was often busy during the day, and couldn’t expect to just stay in bed with her. 

Rey was happy to note that her nausea from the day before had lessened and she didn’t feel sick. She thanked the Gods for giving her a break from the constant morning sickness. It was so nice to not be immediately miserable every morning. 

Rey reluctantly stepped out of her very comfortable bed and stretched. It was hard to believe it wasn’t all a dream, as she looked at the room around her. She was really there. 

Rey walked over to the desk, where she had left Ben’s gift to her. She supposed she might as well try on one of her new outfits. Rey pulled out the black dress and undressed, changing into the incredibly flattering garment. She was surprised by how nicely it fit, hugging her curves in just the right ways. Rey looked in the mirror and smiled. She’d have to thank Ben again later that day. Rey grabbed her lightsaber and attached it to her belt. “ _Just in case_.” Rey thought.

Rey took note of how disheveled her hair was and ran her fingers through it. Rey decided to try a different look. She made two small braids on either side of her head, before pulling all her hair into a tight bun. She admired her work in the mirror before putting on her boots and heading to the door.

When Rey opened the door, she nearly ran into Zala. 

“Oh my! I am so sorry, Miss Rey. I was not aware you were awake! I’ll get you breakfast.” Zala sputtered nervously. Rey smiled and shook her head.

“It’s alright! I wasn’t thinking. And I am not very hungry, thank you though. Do you happen to know where-“ 

“Where Master Ren is? He told me you’d be looking for him,” Zala smiled and Rey was glad she interrupted her. She wasn’t quite sure how to address Ben. 

“Yes,” Rey replied. “Could you take me to him?” 

Zala nodded. “Of course, Miss Rey. Right this way.”

Zala led Rey from her room, back down the hallway she had entered the sitting room through. Rey followed behind Zala, taking note of the path. Rey would have to get used to the massive base and learn where everything was if she didn’t want to be doted on like a child. 

Rey was pleasant surprised when Zala brought her to what appeared to be a training facility. There were mirrors on three of the four walls and a giant mat towards the back wall. Rey’s eyes were quick to find Ben, who was shirtless and in the midst of training with some of the Knights of Ren. 

It was embarrassing how attractive Rey found Ben when he was fighting. There was just something about how focused he was, how powerful he could be. Rey let her eyes follow Ben as he easily took on two knights at once, knocking one to the ground. It was obvious when Ben felt her presence through the Force, as he gave her a quick look and a smirk before taking on the other Knight. In an instant, Ben had the other man on his knees while Ben held his saber in hand. 

Ben helped the two knights back on their feet, patting them on the back and mumbling something to them that Rey could not hear. Ben was handed a towel, which he took before walking over to Rey and Zala. 

“Master Ren, Miss Rey requested that I help her find you.” Zala addressed Ben, and he nodded. 

“Thank you, Zala. That will be all.” Ben replied, and Zala nodded and bowed before leaving. 

“Good morning, _Miss Rey_.” Ben teased. The title was so foreign to him.

“Good morning, _Master Ren_.” Rey replied, giving Ben a knowing look. Ben smirked right back and looked over Rey’s outfit.

“I told you you would look nice in black,” He bragged.

“Oh, and you don’t need to call me Master. You may address me as Kylo Ren, or Kylo, or Supreme Leader, or Ren. Unless you like calling me Master.” And Ben had that shit-eating grin on his face.

Rey nearly choked at his words but tried to brush it off, rolling her eyes. “You _wish_.”

“Perhaps I do,” was Ben’s snide reply. “Anyway, I need to go take a quick shower and get dressed. We have a meeting with Hux and a few leaders from our alliances to address the changes I would like to make now that Snoke is gone. You are more than welcome to take a look around. I’ll only be a moment.” Ben added. Rey’s cheeks went hot and she nodded. Ben gave her a sly wink before leaving to get ready. 

Rey smiled to herself and walked around the facility. Cora and Alya noticed Rey and waved. They were both dressed the same, in dark leggings and red tops. Rey waved back and walked over to them. 

“Good morning,” Rey greeted the two of them politely. “How are you?” 

Cora and Alya smiled at Rey and sipped their water. “We’re great, thank you.” Cora replied. “Will you be training with us today?” Alya asked. 

“Ah, not today. I have a meeting with General Hux and the alliances with Supreme Leader.” Rey answered.

“Ah yes. Master Ren said that you are a great asset to us,” Cora commented. “He things you might help us end this war. Will you?” She asked with a slight smirk. 

Rey shrugged, smiling slyly. “I certainly hope so.” She replied and the twins seemed to like her response. 

“Well good luck with your meeting, Miss Rey. We hope to train with you soon.” Alya responded. 

“Thank you. I look forward to it.” Rey added, and the two girls left to get cleaned up. 

Rey looked around a bit more, hoping she’d be able to train with Ben even though she was pregnant. She could imagine her and Ben training together in the early hours of the morning, working side by side. Their chemistry was remarkable, even in a nonromantic sense. They worked so well together and Rey knew she’d learn a lot from him. Rey wandered the gym, looking around absentmindedly.

Ben pulled Rey out of her thoughts, leaving the refreshers impeccably dressed. He held his helmet at his side.

“Are you ready, Miss Rey?” 

Rey found herself growing a bit nervous as she and Ben stood in front of the doors to the conference room. 

“You’ll be alright.” Ben whispered, placing his helmet on. Rey took in a deep breath and nodded before Ben opened the door.

The hiss of the metal door alerted everyone in the room to Ben’s presence. Everyone stood to greet Kylo Ren, and all eyes fell on him and Rey. A few gasps and whispered words were heard as the two of them entered the room. Rey tried not to let her nerves show and followed closely behind Ben. Rey noticed there was not a free chair for her as Ben sat in his. Ben looked around before looking back to Rey. He patted the arm of his seat for her to sit. Rey did as he instructed and everyone else took their seat, except for General Hux who stood at the opposite end of the table, shooting daggers at Rey and Ben. Ben let a hand rest on Rey’s lower back, out of sight from anyone in the room.

“Supreme Leader, I was not aware that we were to have a guest.” Hux stated through gritted teeth. It was obvious the general had little respect for his leader, and it seemed painful to even address him as such. 

“I thought I made it very clear that the Knights of Ren would be returning with an essential asset to us winning this war,” Ben replied, tone cold. “And here she is.” 

Rey flushed as all eyes locked on her. She straightened her posture at the attention, her face remaining devoid of emotion. 

“Forgive me, but is this not the same girl who assassinated Supreme Leader Snoke?” Hux bit back. There were whispers shared between the allies in the room which made Ben sit a little taller in his chair. 

“The very same,” Ben answered. “Which proves just how incredibly powerful she is. And now she has asked me to train her in the ways of the Force,” Ben paused.

“Rey was once a part of the Resistance which means she knows how they work. In joining us, she will no doubt sway others as well. I will not lead the First Order as my predecessor did. He knew how powerful she was, and that’s why he wanted her killed.” Ben added

“She is a _Jedi_. You have brought a traitor to the First Order, and you believe that she will be loyal to us over the Resistance? She will doom us all.” Hux was bubbling with anger and Rey saw an opportunity. 

Rey was suddenly very thankful that she had brought her saber with her and stood, igniting it with a sizzle. Rey pointed the saber towards Hux. 

“Do you dare to question the judgement of your Supreme Leader?” Rey jeered, and Hux’s expression quickly changed to one of surprise. Even Ben was shocked by the outburst, but ultimately very impressed by Rey’s quick wit. 

The room was in a stunned silence. 

“Well?” Ben asked, tone dripping with power.

“No! No I so-“

“Then I suggest you change your tone, _General_. It seems that you are the one who is sounding like a traitor. I am no Jedi.” Rey snapped. And with that, Rey lowered her saber and turned it off, returning to her place on Ben’s seat.

The room was in a stunned silence and Hux was a blubbering mess. Ben smirked beneath his mask. “Now, where were we?”

As soon as the details were worked out and the meeting ended, Ben slumped in his chair, taking off his mask. Rey sighed with relief. Hux’s eyes had been boring into her the entire time, and Rey wasn’t sure if it was entirely from hate. It made her scrunch up her nose a bit in disgust. She didn’t like the way he looked at her. Only Ben could look at her like that. 

“Are you alright?” Ben asked, setting his helmet on the table. He turned to look at her and Rey felt his genuine concern. She nodded. 

“It’s just a bit overwhelming.” Rey replied. Ben nodded. So much had changed for her in the past weeks. He could feel her unease. 

“I’m sure.” Ben pulled Rey close, so she was sitting completely in his lap. Rey rested her head on Ben’s shoulder as he ran his hand up and down her back. 

“You lead so effortlessly, Rey, its remarkable. The way you handled Hux...No one will have any doubts.” Ben complimented. Rey smiled softly against Ben’s neck. 

“He _was_ being a prick.” She replied, earning a huff of a laugh from Ben. 

“He usually is,” Ben added. He thought for a moment. “You know, it might be more convincing if you take a new name, like I did.” Ben commented. 

Rey pulled away from Ben’s neck. “Like what?” She asked. 

“Perhaps Kyra?” Ben suggested. “Kyra Ren.” 

Rey was taken aback by Ben choosing for her to take his last name. “Ren?” She asked, curiously.

“If that’s alright with you.” Ben replied. He tried his best to mask his nerves. If Rey were ever to be Empress, they would have to marry. Ben wanted to test the waters and see how Rey might feel about taking his name, so that he might gain the courage to propose at some point. 

“It is.” Rey replied, arms wrapped loosely around Ben’s neck. Ben smirked and leaned in to kiss her. 

“Good. I shall let the Knights of Ren know. You are one of us, and they should treat you as such.” Ben said.

Rey nodded and gave Ben another soft kiss, trying to get as much of him as she could before they left the conference room and went back to pretending. 

Rey knew that with the way things were going, it seemed likely she and Ben would get married, but the idea was still so foreign to her. She had never thought about getting married before, but now that she was with Ben it all seemed so right. Rey was still so overwhelmed by all the changes in her life, but with Ben, it really seemed like she was doing what was right. 

Ben finished up with his work for the day and decided to show Rey around. Rey insisted that she learn her way around the base so that she would be able to come and go as she pleased. Rey did not like being hovered around by all of Ben’s servants as if she were some fragile piece of art that could break at any moment. 

Ben walked with Rey around the base, showing her his quarters and where he could be found a majority of the time. He hoped that soon Rey would be leading with him, staying by his side more frequently. Until then, however, Rey would have a lot of free time on her hands and would likely want to keep herself busy. 

Ben led Rey outside to a small garden area. There were plenty of flowers that Rey had never seen before and some she had only ever read about. There was a nice stone bench and plenty of space to meditate if she chose to. Ben kept his hand at the base of Rey’s spine as he guided her around. Rey was surprised to see a large blanket laid out in the grass. There was a tray sat upon it with dozens of the fruits Rey had enjoyed the night before. 

“I figured since you didn’t eat breakfast, we could have an early lunch here. Just talk about things.” Ben suggested. Rey turned to Ben and beamed up at him. He could be so soft with her sometimes. It just amazed her how gentle he was on the inside. There would always be darkness in him, and Rey knew that, but moments like this made it easy to forget. 

“That sounds lovely.” Rey replied. With so much changing for both of them, it was important to take moments just to talk, to communicate. 

The two sat down, Ben now looking much more like himself than a Supreme Leader. Rey silently hoped that she’d see him that way all the time after the war was all over, his brow no longer furrowed with anger or stress, and much more at ease than she had ever seen him. 

Rey looked up at the sky as she stretched her legs out, freckled face scrunching up from the bright sun. 

“How are you feeling?” Ben asked before taking a berry from the tray. He turned to look at Rey curiously as she was lost in thought. 

Rey smiled and shrugged. “Much better today. Haven’t puked on anyone so I would say that’s a success.” She replied, earning a chuckle from Ben. 

“That’s always a plus.” He added. Ben became lost in thought for a moment. Everything was so peaceful. It was just the two of them, sitting underneath the sun and enjoying one another’s company. It was more than he ever thought he’d have with Rey. When he looked at the woman sat beside him, Ben saw his future. Every terrible mistake, every sleepless night, had somehow led to her. Ben was more than willing to take those losses if it was for Rey. 

Rey popped a few berries in her mouth and admired the view. She felt so fortunate, so lucky. How was it that a poor little scavenger from Jakku could be part of something so amazing, such a unique bond that she had never seen before? Rey laid her hand upon her belly, thinking fondly about her future with Ben. If her vision was real, Rey could not wait to experience the universe with Ben, to bare his children, to end the war. Rey knew she was hopelessly and dangerously in love with Ben Solo, and would spend the rest of her days wanting only him and no one else.

Rey was drawn out of her thoughts by a hum through their bond. She looked at Ben and he looked as though he were on another planet, so lost in his own mind. Rey notes how his forehead wrinkled from thought. 

“What is it?” Rey asked, reaching out and taking Ben’s hand. “You seem like you’re a billion miles away. What’s on your mind?” 

Ben was quickly brought back to reality by Rey’s voice and turned to look at her with thankful eyes. He held Rey’s hand back and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

“I’ve been having these dreams about my grandfather,” Ben answered with a sigh. Rey nodded slowly as Ben spoke, listening intently. 

“About who he was and the choices he made. And now that you’re here, I have been drawn more than ever to visit Naboo.” 

Rey let out a hum of acknowledgment. Ben had mentioned Naboo before. Something within him had been calling them there, and Ben was certain it had to do with their bond. Rey had been reluctant before, as she was still with the Resistance, but now that she had left, she knew she had to trust Ben. If he knew something she didn’t, it was for a reason. Perhaps it would lead them both to better understand their bond. 

“Then maybe we should go,” Rey responded. “If the Force is pulling us there than we must follow where it leads.”

“I just don’t want the journey to make you sick,” Ben added. “I think we should take you to see a doctor before we make a decision.” 

Rey agreed and leaned her head on Ben, finding comfort in his touch. “Alright then. I trust you.” 

Ben’s heart leaped in his chest at her words. They were not said with any particular importance, but they meant a lot to him. If he and Rey were to lead together, love together, it was important that they had faith in each other. Rey’s trust meant the world to him and he swore to himself he wouldn’t waste it. 

Back on the Resistance base, trust was nowhere to be found. 

“General Organa, did she say anything in her note?” Poe asked. It had been over a day since Rey left and her friends were in pieces. How could she just go missing? Leia had confirmed that there was no mission Rey had been sent on and now her room was completely empty to top it all off. It was terrifying to her dear friends who knew nothing of Rey’s relationship with Ben. 

“She said, _we will find peace_. That is all,” Leia replied. Finn, Rose, And Poe were all sat around a conference table with General Organa, desperate for answers. “She has left us. There is nothing we can do.” She added calmly. Leia knew more than anyone did about Rey’s situation and she was not about to disclose Rey’s secret. She had faith in Rey and her abilities. If the Force drew her to Ben Solo, it was for a reason. And Leia couldn’t help but desperately hope Rey might be able to bring her son back home.

Poe slammed his fists down on the tables “This is ridiculous, Rey would not leave here of her own free will.” He barked.

Rose held her head in her hands and Finn rubbed her back soothingly. 

“Watch your tone, Dameron.” Leia replied. 

“We know Rey. She wouldn’t just get up and leave.” Poe snapped back. 

“Do we?” Rose replied. She lifted her head from her hands. “She kept secrets from all of us. Big secrets.” 

“Like what?” Finn asked. He looked at Rose in shock. What did Rose know that he didn’t? 

Rose shook her head and huffed. “All I’m saying is that maybe we didn’t know her as well as we thought we did.” 

“I think it is best that we drop the subject. She is gone, and we must continue as usual. It is heartbreaking, but the Force works in mysterious ways.” Leia added. And with that, she left the trio to ponder her words. 

“What is it that you aren’t telling me?” Finn asked Rose as Leia left. He was hurt. Finn’s relationship with Rose was new and it worried him that she was already keeping secrets.

“Did she say something to you?” Poe added. The whole situation was so strange. There was something missing from the story. Rey wouldn’t just leave if there wasn’t a reason. 

“Don’t make me break her trust.” Rose pleaded. She and Rey had grown close and as much as it hurt Rose that Rey was gone, she wasn’t one to share secrets. 

“Didn’t she break yours?” Poe snipped back. And the room fell into a tense silence. 

“She’s pregnant.” Rey murmured. And an even heavier silence fell. 

“ _What_? Like with a _baby_?” Poe asked.

“Yes, you idiot. When she fell during training and sprained her ankle, she had to take a pregnancy test before they did x-rays.” Rose explained. Finn was frozen. 

“Do we know who the father is?” Finn asked softly. Rose shook her head. 

“Well maybe she left to be with him.” Poe suggested, slumping back in his seat. 

“She hasn’t left base since we got here! If she’s pregnant, it’s with someone from the Resistance.” Rose countered. 

Finn looked down at his lap, confused and full of emotion. Rey was his friend. And she hid this from him? He was in shock.

“Maybe someone found out and used it as leverage against her.” He said, tone numb and devoid of emotion. 

“Like who?” Rose asked. 

Finn lifted his head and with a solemn glance he replied, “Kylo Ren.” 


	10. Changing Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben notice something. Rose, Finn, and Poe end up in deep doo doo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys enjoy! This chapter was a pain in the ass to write for some reason???

Rey noticed it one morning while she was getting dressed.

The early morning sun shined through the windows and danced across the bedroom floor, barely reaching the bathroom door. Rey paused in front of the bathroom mirror, eyeing her belly curiously.She was half dressed, eyes tired and hair a mess. She had put on her leggings and was about to pull on her top when she saw it.

The small bump could have been passed off as the result of all the chocolate-covered fruits Ben had been spoiling Rey with, but Rey knew what the bump was from. A shaky hand came to graze the exposed skin. Rey was aware she was pregnant, obviously, but now there was physical proof. She couldn’t ignore it.

“Ben, come look.” Rey called out into the bedroom. Ben was still getting dressed. It was a rather early morning for both of them. They had a doctors appointment at the Med Bay that they both wanted to keep discreet, meaning they needed to wake up before everyone else. 

Ben covered his mouth, yawning as he meandered his way to the bathroom. He was still only in his pants, and came to stand behind Rey in the mirror.

All sleep left Ben’s tired eyes as his gaze landed on Rey’s hand. A bump. She had a little bump.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” Ben asked as the two stood in front of the mirror. Ben’s chest fit flush with Rey’s back, his head resting on Rey’s shoulder and his hands finding purchase on Rey’s belly.

“Maybe once or twice.” She answered teasingly, still staring, completely baffled, into the mirror. Ben pressed a kiss to Rey’s shoulder.

“There’s a whole person growing in there...isn’t that amazing?” Ben murmured against her skin. Rey found it incredibly charming how enthralled Ben was with her pregnancy. He hadn’t known much before about pregnancy, but had been doing his best to educate himself so that he could better support Rey.

“It is. A little Ben Solo.” She hummed.

“I think you mean a little  _ Rey Solo _ .” Ben countered, earning a shy smile from Rey. While Ben had yet to explicitly ask for her hand, both he and Rey had come to the agreement that they would marry eventually. It felt right to them. Their union would not only mean a new beginning for the two of them, but for the whole galaxy. They hoped their marriage might help to unify the Resistance and the First Order. 

There was something about waiting for the doctor that made Rey endlessly nervous

Rey waited impatiently with Ben at her side. She was a bit apprehensive.

Rey hadn’t seen a doctor since she sprained her ankle and it was only to confirm the pregnancy. If it weren’t for that and her nausea, Rey might not have even noticed she was pregnant. She had been so underweight that she didn’t even really get a month cycle and Rey was concerned that their child might suffer because of that.

The tension in the room eased as the doctor stepped in, greeting them both politely.

“So we are here for a checkup?” The doctor asked, washing his hands thoroughly. Rey nodded and Ben held her hand sweetly.

“Alright. Miss...Do you prefer to be called Kyra or Rey?” The doctor asked, turning to the couple.

“Kyra is fine.” She answered. She needed to get used to it, anyway. 

“Alright then, Miss Kyra. My name is Doctor Fabeel. I understand that you are pregnant, congratulations,”

“Thank you.” Rey replied with a shy smile.

“Of course, now, have you been taking any supplements?” Doctor Fabeel asked, and Rey shook her head. She wasn’t aware it was necessary.

“Alright, well I will prescribe you some before you leave today. I also see that you have gained a little weight since you came here, which is good, but I’d like you to try and gain some more over the course of your pregnancy. This is just to make sure that your child will be getting all the proper nutrients they need.” The doctor explained. Rey nodded, listening carefully to every word. She would do everything she could to help care for her child.

“Okay then, if I could get you to lay on your back now, we can take a look at your little one and see what’s going on in there.” Rey did as she was asked and laid back. Ben let her lay down before taking her hand again, trying to provide as much support as he could.

“If you could just lift up your top a bit, thank you.” The doctor asked, plugging in a medium-sized monitor. It turned on with a beep and projected a blank image.

Rey adjusted accordingly and the doctor used a wand-shaped object to scan across her belly. Ben gave Rey’s hand a reassuring squeeze and his eyes watched the monitor for any change. There was silence for a few moments as the doctor moved the wand across her belly for a while.

“Now if you look at the screen, you can see your little baby.”

The screen was a bit of a blob of black and white but in it, there was a small humanoid shape that was being formed. Rey let out a soft gasp before looking over to Ben.

A baby. They were really having a baby. Ben was still so amazed that he and Rey had made a whole other human being. Ben turned to Rey and pressed a kiss to their intertwined hands.

“We’re having a baby.” Ben murmured.

“I’d say you’re about 10 weeks along. We won’t be able to tell the sex of the child until later on but yes, you have one perfectly healthy baby in there.” The doctor assured. Rey let out a sigh of relief.

The doctors appointment was fairly uneventful after that. Ben mentioned his concerns for Rey and their baby’s health and the doctor explained that Rey should be fine as long as she took it easy and made sure not to do any strenuous training. He suggested yoga and meditation be their main focus as far as training until the baby was born. Both Rey and Ben could agree to that.

The doctor also told the couple that Rey would be fine on a trip to Naboo and that the only concern would be her nausea which the doctor prescribed a medication for.

The pregnancy hadn’t fully set in for Rey until that appointment. Logically, she knew she was pregnant, but it hadn’t felt real until she had seen their little baby up on that screen. And Ben was over the moon with love for Rey and their child. He was also very relieved to hear that Rey would be safe traveling with him to Naboo. Ben hoped the trip would bring an end to his dreams about his grandfather, and that he might finally understand his bond with Rey.

Rey found herself with her hand on her belly more than usual that day. She tried to contain herself, in order to avoid the odd stares, but she couldn’t help it. Rumors were already beginning to spread about her relationship with Ben, and it wouldn’t be long before she and Ben could no longer keep it a secret.

Rey knew Ben loved her. Of course he did, but somedays it was incredibly difficult to remain Ben’t dirty little secret. It wasn’t his fault. They needed to be careful, but that didn’t mean it didn’t bother Rey. It especially stung when she heard all the awful things people said about her. Unfortunately, it was becoming increasingly obvious that not everyone was as fond of Rey’s presence as Ben, or Cora and Alya, were. General Hux had expressed his suspicions before, but had seemingly grown indifferent to Rey. (Except for when Kylo’s back was turned. He seemed to lust after her in a way that made Rey’s stomach churn.) Rey had assumed Hux to be her only adversary, but it seemed there were others. Rey heard rumors spreading amongst the soldiers, that Rey was incompetent, that she was only there to satisfy Kylo Ren’s sexual desires, that she was a whore. It hadn’t bothered Rey at first, as she assumed it would pass. But it didn’t.

Rey collected her things after training with some of the Knights. She had been instructing them on certain moves that she learned over the years. She was the last one to leave the refreshers and thought she was alone, until she heard some guards speaking outside the restrooms.

“Haven’t you seen how he looks at her? They are definitely fucking.”

“If I were him, I’d be hitting that all  day .”

“That’s all those scavengers are good for. I hear they’re wild in bed.”

Rey shook her head and left, shoving the guards out of her way and storming off. Her emotions were running high and burned so intensely that she was positive Ben could feel it too.

Rey had heard talk like that back on Jakku, from slimy traders who came through the area. But Rey was no longer on Jakku. And it hurt to hear how little people thought of her. While Rey did not have an official title yet, she still assisted Ben in a lot of the decisions that were made regarding the First Order. She helped train the Knights of Ren, and did her best to earn respect. Rey was seen as a knight herself, in fact, and had felt a kinship with them. She didn’t like the idea of one day being named Empress if she hadn’t truly earned it. Perhaps that was why it hurt so much. Even after all Rey had done, people still saw her as an object of desire. Rey remembered hearing stories of Earth, a planet plagued by capitalism and sexism and ignorance. She read about the women behind powerful leader, how their work was unrecognized because of their sex. Rey had thought the galaxy had grown since then, but was disappointed to see that it had not. Ignorance still lived even in the most well developed societies. 

Rey was angrily disassembling and reassembling droids on the flight deck when Ben found her. If it had bothered anyone, Rey didn’t hear any complaints. It was rare that anyone objected to Rey’s requests. While her relationship with Ben was ambiguous at best, most knew well enough to allow her to do as she pleased.

“Now who made you so angry that you had to go and tear up my droids?” Ben asked, squatting down beside Rey. The hustle and bustle of the First Order still buzzed around them, but the day was drawing to a close so there were very few people still on the flight deck.

Rey pouted, not looking at Ben as she screwed on the droid’s head again, making it buzz happily.

“I’m fine.” Rey sighed, letting the droid take off again. She looked back up from her work to find Ben giving her a knowing look.

“You can’t lie to me, Rey.” Ben reminded her. He reached out to Rey with a gloved hand, much like he had on Crait.

Rey groaned, but took his hand this time, and Ben helped her stand. Rey tucked her tools into her pocket, brushed off her top, and reluctantly released Ben’s hand.

“People are idiots.” Rey spoke, and Ben stifled a laugh.

“They often are,” Ben flashed a very charming smirk. “Care to elaborate once we find some privacy?”

Rey nodded and Ben escorted her off of the flight deck. He would have to remind himself to get Rey a droid of her own to keep her company. Rey had found friends amongst the Knights of Ren, but Ben knew she still felt lonely some days. Since Rey was not Empress yet, she wasn’t able to accompany Ben all the time, and was often left on her own.

The couple made their way to the garden. Rey had been spending most of her free time there, studying. She knew they wouldn’t be bothered there. The two of them sat on the stone bench. Ben took Rey’s hand and let her lean into him.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Ben asked. He gave Rey’s hand a comforting squeeze and waited for a response. Rey sighed.

“I knew people had been had been talking about me, questioning the nature of our relationship,” Ben nodded as Rey spoke, watching her expression. “I tried to brush it off at first, but today I heard some guards talking about me and…it’s just disgusting.” Rey explained. She crossed her arms and looked away, face full of distaste. Ben sighed and ran a comforting hand up and down Rey’s back.

“I feel like a dirty secret sometimes, like you’re ashamed to be with me.” She added.

Anger was bubbling inside of Ben. It disgusted him how horribly people spoke of Rey. He knew people had questions about their relationship, and he could tolerate that, but Rey did not deserve that.

“I could never be ashamed of you, Rey. I love you more than I ever thought I could love anyone,” Ben assured. “You have strength in you that I have never seen before, and I don’t think I could stop wanting you, even if I tried.” There was a pause that followed Ben’s words. Rey let them sink in.

“After our trip to Naboo, I want you to rule at my side. You are quite literally my equal, Rey, and a natural leader. You would make a great Empress.” Ben added.

“Are you sure?” Rey asked. The two of them were not yet married or even engaged. If Ben decided to put Rey in a position of power too soon, members of the First Order might grow suspicious. It could spell disaster for their plans to unite the galaxy. Rey wasn’t even sure she was truly capable of leading or being an Empress.

“Never been more sure of anything. Do not doubt yourself, Rey. You are more than ready to lead.” Ben answered. And it was true. Rey was an amazing leader. Her character made her very easy to respect. She was knowledgeable on social and political issues and provided Ben with important insight that he hadn’t noted before. Rey’s abilities were impressive to say the least and Ben knew with more experience, she would only grow stronger. Changes needed to be made to the First Order, and he couldn’t make those changes without Rey. He didn’t like the idea of Rey just sitting on the sidelines, when she had such an ability to innovate and help Ben rule more effectively. It would be a hindrance to the First Order if he continued to work without her.

Rey could feel Ben’s reassurance through their bond. She leaned in to kiss him softly. It meant a lot to her that Ben trusted Rey to be a great leader. He saw her as his equal and knew well what she was capable of. She was the mother of his child, the only woman he had ever loved. Ben knew more than anyone how great of a leader she would one day be. 

Ben and Rey had to finish a few last minute details before they left for their trip to Naboo. Ben insisted the Knights of Ren join them for security purposes, and Rey reluctantly agreed. She had hoped to have Ben all to herself, but knew that the Knights would help make sure their visit was as discreet as possible.

Rey and Ben had just finished speaking with the Knights of Ren, when General Hux stepped into the conference room.

“Supreme Leader, Mistress Kyra, I am terribly sorry to bother you, but it seems we have a slight problem.” Hux explained. 

  
  


It seemed like a good idea at the time. Stealing a ship, saving Rey, disobeying Leia. But as Finn, Poe, and Rose sat in a holding area with their hands bound, the trio began to realize they might have bitten off a bit more than they could chew. They had been caught. 

All three of them tried desperately to escape their restraints, but to no avail. They had messed up. Badly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this didn’t suck! I have rewritten this like 3 times and I think this is the best I’ve got rn


	11. She Sees His Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts the rebels. The couple leave for Naboo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GOOD THINGS ARE COMING BUT SO ARE ANGSTY THINGS

“ _These three are idiots._ ” Rey thought to herself. There was no way Leia would have approved of such a half-baked plan to “save” Rey.

“Please. Let me talk to them.” Rey pleaded. The rebels asked for one thing. Rey. Ben was hesitant to give in to their request, concerned that Rey might be put in harms way if the encounter ended in blows.

“I just don’t want you getting hurt,” Ben replied. “I’ll entertain their request to see you, but that’s all I can do. I will not allow you to be put in harms way.” His words earned a few curious looks from the soldiers guarding the door to the holding area.

Rey nodded. They had been put in a tough situation. There wasn’t much either one of them could do. Rose, Poe, and Finn were still part of the Resistance and they were on enemy soil. If any of them tried to do something stupid, Rey wouldn’t be able to save them. Rey let out a sigh and Ben opened the door, following closely behind Rey. Both of them had their sabers at their sides just in case.

Rey couldn’t believe it when her eyes landed on her friends. The three rebels were sat on their knees, hands bound behind their backs with a soldier behind each of them.

Rey looked away from her friends and addressed the guards.

“Release the intruders.” Rey demanded. Her command was met with hesitation, but Ben gave a nod for the guards to do as they were told. The guards reluctantly complied.

“Finally.” Poe groaned.

“What the krif are you doing here?” Rey asked incredulously. Rose was the first to be freed, rubbing her wrists. She watched Rey in confusion.

“We’re here to save you!” Finn replied, and Rey shook her head.

“Well great job,” Rey replied in a sarcastic tone. “All three of you nearly got yourselves killed.”

“That was Poe’s fault.” Rose responded.

“Hey!” Poe grumbled.

“Regardless, I do not need saving.” Rey stated.

Poe’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What do you mean? That monster kidnapped you!” Poe took a few steps closer to Rey.

Rey could feel Ben’s temper rising. His hands were balled into fists at his sides. Rey closed her eyes and let out a frustrated huff.

“You have no idea what you’re taking about.” She replied, in as calm of a tone as she could manage.

“Rey, we know you’re pregnant,” Finn said, and Rey’s face fell. Many other soldiers heard Finn’s words and Rey knew it was all over. She couldn’t hide anymore. Nausea washed over her and Rey suddenly felt very sick.

“Rose...” Rey’s heart was breaking. She trusted Rose to keep her secret, and not only did she tell others, she told Finn and Poe. Probably the only two people in the galaxy who Rey didn’t want to know.

“You went missing, Rey! We were worried about you.” Rose replied, eyes full of compassion and empathy.

Ben could feel Rey’s pain closing in on him. It killed him to see Rey hurt. The secret was out, and now they would have to come clean a lot sooner than expected. And Rey felt so betrayed. He wanted more than anything to hold Rey in his arms, but knew Rey had a lot she needed to get off of her chest. He stood by, watching cautiously.

“None of you have any idea what you are talking about. I left the Resistance on my own.” Rey’s voice was cold, full of anger and hurt.

Rose let out a soft gasp at Rey’s words.

“Rey...” Rose said softly.

“Do you know how insufferable it is to pretend every single day that you are this great Jedi that everyone else wants you to be? I finally made a choice for myself, and you couldn’t just let me go?” Rey felt a tear roll down her cheek. Silence followed her words.

“I’m sorry I have kept so much from you. But you have to trust me. I know what I am doing. _Leia_ knows what I am doing,” Rey added, surprising even Ben. He was unaware that his mother knew Rey was pregnant. Did she approve of Rey leaving?

“So I suggest you three go home. Changes are being made here, but we are still in a war and you are on enemy soil.” Rey spoke, crossing her arms over her chest.

Rose looked at Rey, completely distraught. It killed her to see Rey with the First Order. She couldn’t understand it. How could Rey do such a thing? After Han? After all the damage they had done? What did Rey know that she didn’t?

“He is manipulating you, Rey. Can’t you see? Why the hell would you of all people join the First Order?!” Finn barked out.

Ben took a few steps closer until he was directly behind Rey. Everything within him was screaming to tear that foolish traitor to shreds. He tried his best to maintain his composure, hand coming to rest comfortingly on Rey’s shoulder.

“You could never understand.” Rey answered, heartbroken and crushed. This was the exact reason Rey had tried to keep this all to herself. How could she explain it all to them? How could she tell her friends everything she’d seen in her visions? How could they ever believe her?

“Finn, we need to go.” Poe’s voice warned, taking Finn’s arm as he stepped closer to Rey.

“No way! We are not leaving without her.” Finn yanked his arm from Poe’s grip, and reached out to grab Rey by the wrist. Rey tried to pull away.

“Finn, please.” Rey gave Finn a look of dispare. Tears poured down her cheeks.

Ben quickly called his saber to his hand, igniting it. “Step back.” He warned. Ben had been careful, doing his best to both protect Rey and allow the rebels to speak, but his patience was wearing thin.

Finn was quick to draw a blaster from God-knows-where, and Rey pulled away even harder. “Or what?” He taunted.

“Finn. We are leaving. Now.” Rose demanded, siding with Poe. Finn was being so unlike himself and it scared her.

“Rey, what the hell is going on between you two?!” Finn demanded to know. Tears ran freely down Rey’s cheeks and she shook her head. She couldn’t say it. He wouldn’t understand.

“She loves him, you idiot!” Rose yelled, taking Finn by the arm. A silence followed her words and Finn searched Rey’s face desperately, hoping Rose was wrong.

“How? How could you love him? After everything the First Order has done?!” Poe asked, incredulously. Finn stumbled back a few steps in surprise, releasing his hold on Rey.

“She sees his light.” Finn murmured beneath his breath. Finn had a bond with Rey. It was nothing like her bond with Ben, but he could still feel her through the Force, and knew the truth. Rey nodded and choked out a sob. Ben’s hand squeezed Rey’s shoulder gently, and one of her hands came to touch his, desperate for his comfort.

Finn stumbled back towards Rose and Poe. Poe ushered Finn out through the open door, while Rose looked at Rey sadly. She paused for a moment, eyes and heart full of all the things she couldn’t say. Rose shook her head before following Poe and Finn out and back to their ship.

As soon as the rebels left, Ben lowered his saber and put it away. Rey immediately turned to Ben’s arms for comfort and sobbed into his chest. Ben dismissed the guards. Sure, there were many questions that he would need to answer for the both of them, but for the moment, Rey needed him. He held Rey close, doing everything he could to comfort her through their bond. Rey cared very deeply for her friends, and Ben knew how much it hurt Rey to have to send them away, knowing they might never understand what it was that drew her to Ben. The trio would see in due time, Ben thought, but he knew that wouldn’t ease Rey’s current misery.

That night, Rey could hardly sleep, which meant Ben couldn’t either. There was so much emotion bubbling inside Rey, pushing its way to the surface. She wished there was some way to prove to her friends that she was making the right choice, but in reality she had no proof of that at all. Rey placed her faith into the Force and her intuition. She hoped that would be enough.

Both Ben and Rey managed to fall asleep at some point in the night, intertwined beautifully. Yin and Yang, they completed each other. As the early morning sun pushed its way through their windows, Ben and Rey arose sleepily to fly to Naboo.

“We don’t have to leave yet if you need more time.” Ben reminded Rey from the bedroom, as she brushed her hair.

“I want to go,” Rey assured. “It will be a welcomed distraction.”

Unbeknownst to Rey, Ben had big plans for their trip. He was rather glad she still wanted to go, given everything that had happened the day before. Ben had told Hux that they would discuss everything that had happened with the rebels once they returned, but that Rey was his partner and was to be treated with the utmost respect.

“So don’t let me catch you looking at her like that ever again.” Was Ben’s firm warning. Hux flushed red, and watched the two of them board the ship, along with the Knights of Ren.

The journey to Naboo was rather uneventful, aside from Rey’s nausea making itself know once again. It amused Ben to watch Rey gaze out the window and admire all the beautiful planets she had never seen before. Ben sat patiently beside her, answering all her questions and just falling deeper in love with her.

Rey was filled with a childlike curiosity that Ben had never known. Both of them had grown up so fast, not being able to appreciate the wonders that come with being young. Ben wished hopelessly that he could do it all over again, appreciating everything the galaxy had to show him through a child’s eyes.

Ben was pleasantly surprised to find that there was always something new to admire about Rey, something he hadn’t noticed before. They still had so much to learn about each other, and Ben was beginning to realize he wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his days getting to know her.

Rey immediately fell in love with Naboo. Every inch of the planet was covered in beautiful greenery and each day ended in a beautiful sunset. The planet was untouched by war, remaining a neutral and peaceful place. Ben had made plans to stay in the very same place Queen Padmé had stayed with his grandfather. It was gorgeous and provided a beautiful view of all the greenery.

After they unpacked their things, Ben found Rey staring off at the sunrise. It was so beautiful. Ben came up behind her, walking slowly. It was moments like this that Ben wished he could capture in a bottle, and hold onto forever. He didn’t want to forget a single detail. Ben stood at Rey’s side, admiring the view with her.

“You’re sad.” He commented, still gazing off at the sunrise.

“I let my friends down.” Rey replied. A war raged on inside Rey between the dark and the light. She loved Ben more than anything and it was scary. She was so vulnerable to him. How could her friends ever understand their connection when Rey herself barely could? Did they hate her now? Was she m making the right choice?

“They care about you, and will understand in time. If they are truly your friends, they will accept you for all that you are. Even the dark parts.” Ben reminded Rey. She leaned into him. Rey didn’t speak, letting Ben’s words settle within her. He was often right, as much as Rey might hate to admit it. While it still hurt to know her friends were disappointed, Rey hoped that they would one day come to understand.

“I love you endlessly, Ben.” Rey murmured, almost like a prayer. She knew Ben was her other half. He knew how to reassure her, how to comfort her. Even after all the awful things Finn and Poe said, Ben did his best to be the bigger person and it really meant a lot to Rey.

“And I, you.” Ben wrapped his arm around Rey’s shoulders, still looking off at the beautiful sky.

Ben had no doubt about it. He was going to propose to Rey. She was his world, the mother of his child, the love of his life. She balanced him so perfectly and made him the best version of himself. Rey consumed him entirely and Ben still begged for more. She saw him for who he was, accepting even the worst parts of him. Not only that, but she was giving him a child. A baby. One of the most amazing gifts you could give another person. Ben would have his own family. A child and a wife to love and protect, better than his parents did. Ben promised himself that he would finally propose. He just needed to find the right moment.

Rey and Ben took a moment to themselves, sending away the Knights of Ren to retire for the evening. Ben had been very busy over the past weeks, leaving him little time to be with Rey. There were many skipped dinners and late nights for Ben, but Rey understood. Soon those late nights and missed meals would be spent together, healing the bond between the Resistance and the First Order. Rey looked forward to working with Ben more closely. Everyone knew she was pregnant now, and Ben had even disclosed their relationship to Hux. Rey wondered how everyone might view her once her new position was made public to the entire galaxy. She tried not to worry too much, simply enjoying her time with Ben.

The sun was high in the sky, shining down on all the plant life Naboo had to offer. Rey wondered if she and Ben might retire to Naboo after the war. No more sand, no more fighting. Rey thought it would be a beautiful place to raise children.

Rey got changed into a shorter dress, wanting to appreciate the sun while it shined down on them. Ben followed after Rey as she ran into the beautiful fields of grass. He smiled to himself, reaching into his pocket to feel for a ring box. The tradition of wearing a wedding or engagement ring was to signify a never ending unity. While it was a more Earthy tradition, Ben believed it fit quite well for them.

Rey beckoned Ben to join her as she sat in the grass. He did as he was asked, removing his hand from his pocket in favor of taking Rey’s instead. The moment he touched Rey, Ben felt the Force buzz around them, before being pulled into a vision.

_Green grass grew high. Senator Amidala laid in the grass with a young Anakin Skywalker, laughing happily. They spoke about everything and nothing. Anakin stared at his lover longingly. A forbidden love. They hid so much from the world, believing they could never truly be together. She was a senator, and Anakin was a Jedi, but his love for her was so strong and nearly painful. It was overwhelming._

Ben could feel Anakin’s love for her just as deeply as he felt his own love for Rey.

“Did you see it too?” Rey asked Ben, surprised by the beautiful image of Padmé and Anakin. Rey could feel their love running through her, strengthening her bond to Ben. There was something about Anakin’s bond to Padmé that reminded her of her bond with Ben. It was strong, overwhelming, and nearly suffocating.

Ben nodded, brow furrowed. He felt Anakin’s emotions so strongly. It was almost as if he was living a past life. The kinship Ben once felt to his grandfather was no longer one he wanted. It frightened him. Ben knew he was drawn to Naboo to better understand his relationship with Rey, and the similar bond between Padmé and Anakin, but he was beginning to worry about what that might mean for his future with Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls leave a like and a comment! let me know what you want to see from our favorite trio as well as Ben and Rey!


	12. You Know, You Know, I’ll See You Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben visit a temple. They cross paths with history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m gonna preemptively apologize for this chapter as a majority of it is just Episode 2 and 3, but with added thoughts. This is just bc Rey and Ben have no idea of all the things that went on between Padmé and Anakin and it’s kinda important to their story. I’ll try to post another chapter alongside this!!
> 
> Also a lot of the dialogue is written EXACTLY as it was for the movie. I rewatched both ROTS and TCW so I could try and make it accurate. Obviously I do not own these characters or the Star Wars franchise so don’t sue me pls and thanks. 
> 
> Please don’t hate this ily

Things were quite different on this side of the galaxy, Rey thought.   
Naboo was one of the only planets that had no involvement in the war. After the death of Senator and Queen Padmé Amidala, the planet needed to heal. Out of respect for the senator’s anti-war stance, the planet remained neutral and focused on their own issues. Rey admired how peaceful Naboo was. Her childhood had been stolen from her while the old Republic was still in control, and the war only made things worse. But on Naboo, children were happy. There was peace. 

Rey and Ben had decided to visit a temple built in Padmé’s honor. Growing up, Ben learned a bit about his grandmother in history books and from his mother, but as a senator, Leia tried her best to hide that she was the child of Darth Vader. It just wasn’t a good look. Ben hoped this trip would help him to better understand who he was and where he came from. Ben had admired Anakin for so long, and now that he had Rey he was absolutely terrified that he would end up just like Anakin. Ben did his best to hide the darkness inside of him for Rey’s sake, but there was no denying it was there. Ben needed help, he needed answers. If he and Rey were going to end this war, Ben needed to come to grips with what was going on inside of him. He needed to know that he was worth redeeming. And if he was, how would he do it? How would he save himself from ending up like his grandfather?  
The couple made the trek to the temple one afternoon, Ben doting on Rey the entire time. It was a long walk and the Knights of Ren followed a comfortable distance behind them.   
So much of Padmé’s relationship with Anakin Skywalker was still unknown, but it was clear that they had a deep bond. It was commonly believed that Padmé died of a broken heart., after Anakin turned to the Dark Side, but little else was known. Rey had done some research with Ben, but it all ended in dead ends. Their love was forbidden, and was kept under tight wraps, but Rey and Ben both hoped that their trip to Naboo would bring more answers than questions. The temple was gorgeous, peppered with flowers and greenery to immortalize Padmé’s life in the world she once protected. The temple was made of stone with unkept ivy climbing its way up the walls. Candles lit a stone path, most of them burnt out from all the time that had passed. The Knights of Ren waited outside while Rey and Ben entered the temple, out of respect for their privacy.

Rey had picked some beautiful flowers before they left, wanting to leave a gift for Padmé. Rey knew all too well how much love could hurt you. From what Rey had read, Senator Padmé was an advocate for peace. She had to grow up fast, being named Queen of Naboo when she was only just a child. Rey could not imagine the kind of pressure and responsibility she must have felt. Rey had grown to admire Padmé through her research, thinking they might have been friends in another life. Rey hoped to make Padmé proud, and would not let her work go to waste.   
As they walked in, Rey set the flowers she picked alongside many others that had been left for Padmé over the years. She felt an odd sense of calm wash over her as she looked around. There was a statue of Padmé in the center with flowers laid at her feet.  
It seemed so unfair to Rey that Padmé would die. Out of all the people in the galaxy, why her? She was good and kind and smart. Padmé Amidala was truly a gift to the galaxy. Rey wondered how she must have felt, seeing all the destruction her husband had caused. Even still, she had loved him. All she wanted was to be with him, to raise their family. Rey let her hand rest on her slowly growing belly. She wondered if Padmé had been just as scared as her. 

Ben was stoic, his footsteps echoing in the dark building. He gazed at the statue of his late grandmother. She was beautiful, with long wavy hair and kind eyes. Her heart was even kinder though. Although Padmé was not known to be Force sensitive, Ben could imagine her in Rey’s position. As much as she despised the idea of war, she would have done everything she could to protect the ones she loved. Even Anakin. Ben sighed.  
Ben would always have darkness within him, as would Rey, but some days it burned so deeply that Ben wondered if he really had any control over it at all. He saw the evil that his grandfather had become. It was frightening. Anakin likely thought he was doing the right thing when he turned, just as Ben did, but was there really a way out of the dark? 

Ben reached out to the statue, touching his grandmother’s hand. In a moment, a glow of blue light appeared, filling the room. The Force hummed loudly around Rey and Ben as the ghost of Anakin Skywalker materialized before them, looking just as he did before he turned. Ben pulled his hand away from the statue and looked at Anakin with confusion and shock, nearly incredulous.

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Anakin wondered aloud, gazing up at the image of his wife, carved from stone. “She was a remarkable woman.” 

Rey’s mouth fell agape at the sight of Anakin, and a heavy feeling of heartache rose from within her that was not her own. The origin of the pain felt foreign to her, but she had felt it before. She felt just the same when Ben refused to leave with her. It caused her so much pain and anguish. In a moment, Rey knew the source of the pain. It was Padmé.

“You loved her.” Rey spoke, knowing the answer. It was as if Padmé was speaking through her, through the Force, through time and space.

Anakin nodded sadly. There was so much they didn’t know. The blue light of the room grew bright and Anakin used the Force to manifest a vision for Ben and Rey. They needed answers. They needed to see what had been hidden for so long.

“I do not like the idea of hiding.” Padmé asserted. She packed her things. She had only been back for a short while and already had to go into hiding. Padmé was in danger, but being the woman she was, she felt she could handle herself and would much rather have focused on her work. 

“Don’t worry. Now that the council has ordered an investigation, it won’t take Master Obi-Wan long to find the bounty hunter.” Anakin assured, waiting patiently for Padmé to pack. She was irritated, understandably, but it was for her own good. In a way, Anakin was grateful that this would be his first assignment. It gave him an excuse to spend more time with the lovely senator. He had been drawn to her for such a long time. He tried to contain himself, knowing the Jedi order would not approve, but his deep need to be with her was overwhelming. 

“I haven’t worked for a year to destroy the Military Creation Act to not be here when its fate is decided.” Padmé complained, throwing her clothes in her bag. She was annoyed to know her work would go on without her. It was all she had. Padmé had grown up so fast, but seemed just the same to young Anakin. He was hopelessly in love with her. 

“Sometimes we must let go of our pride and do what is requested of us.” Anakin commented, recalling Master Kenobi’s teachings.   
Padmé was pleasantly surprised by the words that left Anakin’s mouth. He really had changed so much since she’d last seen him. This was no longer the little boy who had once asked if she were an angel, but was just as sweet as him.

“Anakin, you’ve grown up.” Padmé replied with a fond smile. Padmé had always been able to read him so well, and was pleased to see he had grown more mature.

“Master Obi-Wan manages not to see it,” Anakin grumbled, his demeanor changing. Padmé watched Anakin as he spoke, continuing to collect her things. He could be so temperamental at times. It was a great weakness for a Jedi. He always felt things so deeply, much deeper than she did. Padmé could only listen, not sure what to say.

“Don’t get me wrong. Obi-Wan is a great mentor. As wise as Master Yoda and as powerful as Master Windu. I am truly thankful to be his apprentice.”

There was a pause, Anakin brooding and his anger began to bubble to the surface.   
“In some ways—a lot of ways—I’m really ahead of him. I am ready for the trials but he feels that I’m too unpredictable. He won’t let me move on.”

“That must be frustrating.” Padmé tried to offer her support. Anakin could be so hot headed sometimes that it was difficult to comfort him. She felt for him, really. He was a great Jedi, but she could see why Obi-Wan didn’t think he was ready. Anakin was still so young and had a lot to learn. He needed to take his time, instead of pushing himself, but Anakin knew little of patience.

“It’s worse. He’s overly critical. He never listens. He— He doesn’t understand. It’s not fair!” Anakin nearly yelled. 

Padmé looked at Anakin with sympathy, closing her bag and sitting by Anakin. His frustration was nearly palpable, filling the space between them. Padmé thought for a moment, finding the right words to say. She always knew just how to calm Anakin down, embracing the darkness he expelled and replacing it with her light.

“All mentors have a way of seeing more of our faults than we would like. It’s the only way we grow.” 

“I know.” Anakin sighed.

“Anakin,” Padmé paused. “Don’t try to grow up too fast.” Padmé herself had to grow up way too soon. It was hard to be a Queen when you’re still a child. Padmé felt very deeply for Anakin, as much as she hated to admit it. She hoped he would remain the same little boy from Tatooine forever, but now he was growing into a man. 

“But I am grown up.” A sly smirk rose on Anakin’s face. “You said it yourself.”

Padmé felt her heart flutter. Those eyes...He could be so overwhelming at times. She couldn’t stand it. Padmé had not been prepared for the deluge of emotions that would result from seeing Anakin again. She had a duty to the Republic and had to push past those feelings in order to do what was best for her career and for his. Padmé refused to taint their relationship by indulging her inner most desires.

“Please don’t look at me like that.” She requested.

“Why not?” Anakin teased. He knew all too well what he did to her, Padmé was sure of it. 

“It makes me uncomfortable.” Padmé answered, quickly looking away from the young Jedi. 

“Sorry m’lady.” 

With a flash, the vision faded into another. Rey was already feeling incredibly overwhelmed. Just as Padmé and Anakin had shared those moments, she and Ben had similar confrontations. She knew all too well how Padmé felt. 

Anakin and Padmé had stopped on their trip to Naboo with R2-D2 for a meal. The place was not well lit, but Anakin could have sworn Padmé was nearly glowing. She looked so lovely, sitting so close to him. It was so strange to be with her again, but it also felt so right. 

“Must be difficult, having sworn your life to the Jedi,” Padmé commented, sipping her drink. She could understand how difficult the commitment mush be for Anakin. He was an incredibly independent individual. “Not being able to visit the places you like or do the things you like...”

“Or be with the people that I love.” Anakin added, looking over at Padmé with shy eyes. He really was beginning to realize he was truly in love with her. Anakin did his best to find satisfaction in simply being with her, but something within him always hungered for more.

Padmé’s face scrunched up in amused confusion. “Are you allowed to love? I thought that was forbidden for a Jedi.” She asked. The chemistry between them was easy to see and Padmé wanted desperately to indulge in it. She wondered if Anakin really thought about her as much as he claimed. Could he really love her? 

“Attachment is forbidden,” Anakin corrected. This had been drilled into him for ages now. “Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi’s life.” Anakin gave her that look again and Padmé was thankful that the diner was so dark. Maybe he wouldn’t notice how rosie her cheeks were.

“So you could say that we are encouraged to love.” Anakin answered teasingly, and goosebumps rose on Padmé’s arms. It would be difficult to continue to resist temptation if he kept looking at her like that. 

The vision faded once again, showing Ben and Rey the beautiful spring on Naboo.

“We used to lie out on the sand and let the sun dry us…and try to guess the names of the birds singing.” Padmé recalled as she and Anakin stared out at the crystal lake before them. 

“I don’t like sand. It’s coarse and rough and irritating…and it gets everywhere,” Anakin commented, to Padmé’s amusement. “Not like here. Here, everything is soft,” Anakin’s hand caressed Padmé’s bare arms, causing a soft gasp to leave her parted lips. “And smooth.” Padmé looked up at Anakin as he began to slowly close the distance between them. Padmé didn’t move, watching Anakin carefully as he closed the distance, pressing his lips to hers.

The kiss was soft and passionate and sweet, it was everything all at once. But it was nearly too much for Padmé. She pulled away after a moment. 

“No.” She spoke, pulling away and turning her back to Anakin. She let out a gasp at her actions. How could she let him do that? And how could she let herself give in? “I shouldn’t have done that.” Padmé spoke, mostly to herself .

Anakin was still reeling from their kiss and shook his head, still so taken back from how sweet it was. “I’m sorry.” He replied. But he wasn’t.

Weeks went by, and the two had not addressed the kiss. They spent the spring getting to know each other again, laying out in the tall grass. 

“Sure you do. You just don’t want to tell me.” Anakin teased Padmé. 

“You gonna use one of your Jedi mind tricks on me?” Padmé asked playfully. Of course she had a first boyfriend, a first kiss, but it was nothing like her kiss with Anakin.

“They only work on the weak-minded.” Anakin answered, giving Padmé an amused look. Padmé could barely take it. Why did he have to be so damn charming? 

“All right,” Padmé gave in with a sigh. “I was 12. His name was Palo,” She recounted. “He was a few years older than I. Very cute. We were both in the Legislative Youth Program. Dark, curly hair. Dreamy eyes.”

“All right, I get the picture,” Anakin internally groaned. Though possession was not permitted among Jedi, Anakin was quite the possessive and jealous type. Who would have ever thought he’d be a Jedi? “Whatever happened to him?” 

“I went into public service; he went on to become an artist.”

“Maybe he was the smart one.” Anakin replied teasingly. 

“You really don’t like politicians, do you?” Padmé asked, leaning into Anakin’s space. It was quite amusing to her.

“I like two or three,” Anakin shrugged and looked at Padmé with those mischievous eyes. “But I’m not really sure about one of them”

Padmé laughed hard at that, and Anakin soon followed, amused with himself. He always loved seeing her smile. She shined so brightly, she could rival the sun. Anakin needed more light in his life to drowned out all the darkness in his mind. 

“I don’t think the system works.” Anakin explained, with a shrug. He looked to Padmé for her reaction. 

“How would you have it work?”

“We need a system where the politicians sit down and discuss the problem, agree what’s in the best interest of the people and do it.”

“That’s exactly what we do,” Padmé replied with an amused look in her eyes. “The trouble is that people don’t always agree.”

“Well, then they should be made to.”

“By who? Who’s going to make them? You?” Padmé inquired incredulously. 

“Of course not me. But someone. Someone wise.”

“Sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me.” Padmé countered, confused by Anakin’s position on the subject. He seemed out of sorts and somewhat unlike himself.

“Well, if it works.”

Padmé was taken back by Anakin’s response. She could usually read him so easily, but she wasn’t quite sure if he was joking. His words surprised her. There were…not like him. She watched as Anakin’s face broke out into a grin and hers was quick to follow. She laughed.

“You’re making fun of me.” Padmé decided, pushing Anakin playfully. Of course. He couldn’t truly believe that.

“No.” Anakin chuckled. “I’d be much too frightened to tease a senator.” 

One night, Anakin and Padmé sat by the roaring fire. They were much closer to one another than usual. 

“From the moment I met you all those years ago, not a day has gone by when I haven’t thought of you. And now that I’m with you again, I’m in agony,” Anakin confessed. “The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you-“ Anakin’s voice cracked and tears threatened to spill from his eyes. It was all so completely overwhelming fir both him and Padmé. “I can’t breathe.” Padmé was amazed by the depth of Anakin’s emotions for her. While she knew that she truly loved him too, it was shocking to see how much he really felt for her. Around everyone else, Anakin was charming and powerful, doing his best to remain professional. It was odd to see Anakin so raw and open. While Padmé was grateful for his willingness to be open with her, her heart was breaking all the same.  
“I am haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me.” Padmé knew that feeling far too well. Although she did not feel things as strongly as Anakin, she knew how much it hurt for the one you love to be just out of reach.

“What can I do? I will do anything you ask.” Anakin begged. He just wanted to stop hurting. He would be her willing slave, endlessly for her. Padmé couldn’t speak, so overcome with emotion. Though her brain screamed for her to run far, far away, her heart was aching for her to stay with him.   
“If you are suffering as much as I am, please, tell me.” Padme could see the pain in his eyes and finally mustered up the nerve to speak.

“I can’t. We can’t. It’s….just not possible.” Padmé finally spoke, turning away from Anakin. She knew it would be painful to let him go, but she couldn’t let him waste away his career for her.

“Anything is possible, Padmé. Listen to me.” Anakin pleaded, helplessly. He couldn’t stand it. He was suffocating. Padmé was his everything and he knew he couldn’t just let her slip through his fingers. Not after that kiss.

“No, you listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it.” Padmé snapped, standing from her seat. She knew if they stayed so close she would not be able to resist his pleading. “You’re studying to become a Jedi. I’m-I’m a senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, it will take us to a place we cannot go, regardless of the way we feel about each other.”

“Then you do feel something.”

“I will not let you give up your future for me.” Padmé replied. Anakin was powerful and strong. If he left the Jedi order for her, she wouldn’t be able to stand it. It wouldn’t be fair to him.

“You are asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do.” Padmé’s heart broke as Anakin spoke, but she stayed silent. “Believe me, I wish that I could just wish away by feelings, but I can’t.”

“I will not give in to this.” Padmé stood her ground, though her heart begged her to pull Anakin into her arms and erase the broken look on his face. Anakin walked to the door before speaking again.

“Well, you know, it wouldn’t have to be that way. We could keep it a secret.”

“We’d be living a lie, one we couldn’t keep even if we wanted to. I couldn’t do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?” Padmé urged Anakin to be reasonable, but he was not the type. He was in love, and hurting.

“No. You’re right. It would destroy us.” And eventually it would.

After the death of his mother, Anakin was a shell of the boy he once was. Anakin was full of rage and pain, and only Padmé could help sooth him. There was a war raging inside of Anakin, and one that would soon be fought across the Galaxy.

Their wedding had been private and beautiful. Although it was hard to hide their relationship from the public, Anakin knew he would do anything to be with Padmé, even if it meant he would suffer silently. He had not taken into account, however, how often he would have to be away from her since he was a Jedi. There was a war going on, and he was a weapon. 

Years passed and Anakin was quick to abandon the political talk with senator Organa after his return from saving Palpatine, in favor of greeting his wife. He had missed her terribly…  
“It feels like we have been apart for a life time, and it might have been if the chancellor hadn’t been kidnapped. I don’t think they would have ever brought us back from the outer rim sieges.” Anakin recalled, embracing Padmé eagerly. She pulled away for a moment.

“Wait. Not here.” She whispered. There was only so much that could be hidden in the shadows of the senate building and this was not the way Padmé wanted people to find out about her marriage to the charming Skywalker.

“Yes, here. I’m-I’m tired of all this deception. I don’t care if they know we’re married.” Anakin wanted nothing but Padmé. She was an all consuming being, working her way into every part of him. It was misery to be without her. He knew that this lie would not be able to go on much longer. Anakin Skywalker loved Padmé Amidala, and he wanted the whole galaxy to know it. They had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Anakin, don’t say things like that.” Padmé requested.

Anakin did not reply, and simply pulled Padmé back against his chest, holding her tighter than he ever had before. It had been far too long without his wife at his side. Padmé gave a sigh.

“Are you alright? You’re trembling.” Anakin asked, pulling away to look Padmé in the eyes. It was unusual for her to seem so nervous. “What’s going on?” 

Padmé looked up at Anakin, letting out a soft exhale. Her bright eyes looked to him nervously. “Something wonderful has happened.” She replied. Anakin looked deeply into Padmé’s eyes as she spoke and he looked so young. Like a child in a mans clothes. “Ani, I’m pregnant.” 

Anakin’s lips parted at her words and he searched her face for any sign of falsehood. He couldn’t believe it. The news was both wonderful and terrifying. He let out a breathy laugh and stared at Padmé in wonder and awe. 

“That’s-,” He sighed, trying to find the right words. Padmé watched Anakin with anxiety, wary of his reaction. They hadn’t planned to become pregnant. 

“Well, that’s won-That’s wonderful.” Anakin’s whole face lit up as he spoke, laughing nervously. Padmé let out a nervous laugh herself, grateful that he was pleased by the news.

“What are we going to do?” She asked. It was all so new and terrifying to her. Anakin let out another soft laugh, still amazed and in shock. 

“We’re not gonna worry about anything right now. All right?” Anakin did not want to even think about what this might mean for him and Padmé, only wanting to enjoy his return to his wife and the wonderful news she just shared. “This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life.” He assured, before giving Padmé another soft hiss and pulling her into his arms

Anakin watched as Padmé brushed through her hair on the veranda. How beautiful she looked in her night dress with his child growing inside her. It had been too long since he had seen Padmé, and had a chance to appreciate how beautiful she was. 

“Ani, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo. We can go to the lake country where no one will know, where we can be safe.” She turned to Anakin with bright, enchanting eyes. “I can go early and fix up the baby’s room.” She was so full of joy to be having his child, and glowed beautifully as the lights of the city shined upon her. Anakin did not reply, and just continued to admire her as she spoke.

“I know the perfect spot. Right by the gardens.” 

Anakin was overwhelmed by his love for her, feeling more at ease than he had in weeks. She was so unbelievably gorgeous and he could not fathom being able to love someone as much as he loved Padmé. 

“You are so…beautiful.” Anakin proclaimed in the silence that followed Padmé’s words.

“It’s only because I am so in love.” Padmé replied playfully.

“No,” Anakin chuckled. “No, it’s because I’m so in love with you.”

“So love had blinded you?” Padmé teased. Anakin chuckled.

“Well, that’s not exactly what I meant.”

“But it’s probably true.” She responded and Anakin couldn’t help but laugh.

Anakin’s face was riddled with grief as the vision faded away. “She was my other half, the only person who ever believed in me. I could never love anyone else.”

“Then why did you turn? What stopped you from leaving with her?” Ben implored, wondering if he could ever be capable of doing the same thing. He had heard stories about Anakin and Padmé, but it was all speculation. The couple kept so much of their lives a secret, that it was hard to understand how things ended up the way they did. Ben knew he loved Rey, that he would do anything for her, but what was different about him? What kept Ben from ending up just like Anakin?

Anakin sighed. “My anger consumed me. I was so deeply attached to the ones I loved that it destroyed me. I listened to the wrong people, when I should have listened to my wife.” Anakin looked around the beautiful temple. “I made many mistakes and let her suffer the consequences. I was blinded by anger and power and greed.” Anakin answered. Bringing forth another vision, Anakin shared his fall from grace with Rey and Ben.

It was after Anakin learned of Padmé’s pregnancy, that the nightmares started. A baby was crying loudly, and Padmé was laid on the hospital bed, crying. She was dying, and Anakin could feel it, but he was powerless to stop it. Just like the one Anakin had of his mother, he dreamed of Padmé dying during childbirth. He was helpless to stop it. Anakin was full of worry, wanting to protect Padmé. He knew that without her, the world would lose all meaning to him. Anakin awoke, panting. The dream haunted him. To lose Padmé would be to lose everything.  
Anakin refused to go to Obi-Wan for help. He instead sought the advice of Master Yoda, hoping he might find an answer to these dreams.

“Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the Dark Side.” Master Yoda warned Anakin.

“I won’t let the visions come true, Master Yoda.” Anakin assured.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them, do not. Miss them, do not.” Anakin’s head fell at those words. How would he not miss her? How could he let her die?

“Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.”

“What must I do, Master Yoda?” Anakin was desperate for answers.

“Train yourself to let go…of everything you fear to lose.” 

Anakin knew he couldn’t do that. And so did Palpatine.

The blue hue of the light began to fade, turning dark as the vision went on.

“Sometimes I wonder what’s happening to the Jedi order. I think this war is destroying the principles of the Republic.” Anakin spoke to Padmé. The Jedi council requested that he spy on the chancellor, breaking the Jedi code and putting Anakin in a very difficult position. It was frustrating and stressful, especially since he didn’t even believe that the council trusted him. It just didn’t make sense.

“Have you ever considered that we may be on the wrong side?” Padmé asked curiously. Her hand fell to her belly, comfortingly. She had been thinking a lot about her future with Anakin and had begun to wonder if they were doing the right thing for their child. (Well, children)

“What do you mean?”

“What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we’ve been fighting to destroy?” Padmé answered. 

“I don’t believe that. And you’re sounding like a separatist.” Anakin’s tone was harsh and cold. Padmé looked at Anakin with confusion, trying to read him. 

“This war represents a failure to listen. Now you’re closer to the chancellor than anyone. Please, ask him to stop the fighting and let diplomacy resume.” Padmé bigger, hoping she might bring some sense to him.

“Don’t ask me to do that.” A gloved hand pointed at Padmé, scolding her. “Make a motion in the Senate where that kind of request belongs.” Anakin spat, standing to leave Padmé.

Padmé was surprised by all of Anakin’s anger, but did not respond in kind. “What is it?” She asked him softly. Something was wrong with her poor Ani.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t do this. Don’t shut me out. Let me help you.” Padmé stood, walking over to Anakin. She reached for his arm comfortingly. “Hold me,” She requested. “Like you did by the lake on Naboo. So long ago, when there was nothing but our love.” And he did as he was asked.

“No politics, no plotting, no war.” Padmé recalled, hoping their love might be enough to get through to him. Even holding her close, Anakin still seemed like he was miles away. 

Sadly, with Palpatine feeding Anakin’s ego and encouraging his distrust for the council, Anakin grew farther and farther out of Padmé’s reach. Palpatine promised Anakin that the Dark Side held the secret to stoping death, telling him he would become very powerful. Anakin couldn’t help it. He loved Padmé. And if he had to betray the Jedi to save her, he would.   
Anakin was absent for so much of Padmé’s pregnancy, too busy learning the ways of the Sith. He lied to her, doing all he could to hide the darkness that was so quickly consuming him. Padmé had no idea of the lengths Anakin would go to in order to learn all the secrets that had been kept from him.  
Anakin slaughtered young children, knowing it would fuel his own hatred for himself, his anger, which would make him even more powerful. Padmé couldn’t know. She wouldn’t understand.

Tears ran down Rey’s cheeks on their own accord, as she felt so deeply for Padmé. She tried so hard to save Anakin, but in the end it was not enough. 

Obi-Wan had been the one who told Padmé about the younglings, about how Anakin had betrayed the Jedi. She didn’t want to believe it. Who would? But Obi-Wan wouldn’t lie to her about something like that. Regardless of the atrocities he may have committed, Padmé hoped that she might be able to talk some sense into him before he was too far gone.

But of course, things didn’t work out that way. Anakin was so full or rage at the idea that Obi-Wan had tried to turn Padmé against him. In his anger, he choked Padmé through the power of the Force, causing her to faint. 

After Anakin’s fight with Obi-Wan, it was not Padmé who’s life would be saved through the power of the Sith, but his own. Palpatine knew that Anakin was too powerful to let die, and instead drained Padmé of her life force, in order to save him. He knew that letting Anakin believe he was responsible for Padmé’s death would only create for rage and anguish inside Anakin, something he could channel into the Force. 

“Padmé, help me…” Were Anakin’s words as his mask went on. He had gone too far, done too much damage, and now Padmé was gone. There was no longer a reason for him to look for the light anymore. There was only darkness. 

It took everything in Rey not to full-on sob as the vision faded away. Ben took Rey’s hand in his, pushing back his own tears. 

“I was not strong enough on my own to fight the darkness anymore,” Anakin explained, voice soft and full of regret. “I should have listened to my wife. As I grew closer to the Dark Side, I lost sight of what I had even joined it for,” He confessed.  
“You two are a dyad in the Force. I may not have been strong enough to find the balance on my own, but you two are,” Anakin assured. “You must find the balance between the dark and the light and bring peace to the galaxy.” Anakin told them. The glowing blue hue was beginning to fade. Anakin did not have much time left to speak.

Anakin looked back at the statue of his late wife, before turning again to Rey and Ben. “You must find compromise, the grey area between the dark and the light.” Anakin assured the two of them. He looked at his grandson with empathy and compassion. “You are capable of redemption, Ben Solo. You will be a great leader…and father. Do not doubt yourself.” Anakin instructed, and Ben gave a nod. Anakin turned to Rey.  
“You are strong with the Force, Rey. You both were brought together to fix the mistakes that I could not. Have faith in each other. And do not let go of your love.” Anakin told Rey. Rey gave a tearful nod and Anakin smiled. 

“May the Force be with you both.” He said, before turning to the statue of Padmé and fading away. 

Ben and Rey were left to bask in the aftermath of all this new knowledge. It was a lot to take in. So many years of pain had led to Anakin’s fall, and now they were meant to try and do what he could not.   
Ben hadn’t realized how much he needed to be told that he would be a good father and a good leader. It meant more to him that he thought it would, to hear his grandfather say that. They both had done terrible things which flooded them with a bounty of self hatred. Anakin went through it, and found peace on the other side. Ben wondered if he really had the ability to be redeemed.

Rey turned to Ben before pulling him into a close hug, and sniffled into his chest. It was all so overwhelming. Ben’s relationship with Rey shared so many similarities to Anakin’s relationship with Padmé that it was frightening. She was pregnant, and somehow she and Ben needed to restore balance to the Force and end the war, all while protecting their child? She was understandably stressed and worried so much for the life of their child. Rey trusted Ben and knew he would not end up like Anakin, but she still worried that she might not be up for the challenge of bringing the whole galaxy together. What if she wasn’t strong enough? 

“We are strong enough.” Ben assured Rey, rubbing his hand up and down her back. Her thought were echoing loudly within him and they could not go ignored. Rey looked up at Ben with tired eyes. 

“I love you.” She spoke, as if it were a prayer. And Ben closed the distance between them with a kiss, holding her close. 

“I love you too. Endlessly.” He assured. Anakin’s memories hit Ben hard and left him with an even greater appreciation for Rey. Seeing how much Anakin’s actions and inactions affected Padmé gave Ben a lot to reflect on. He had done similar things and he could only imagine the hell he put Rey through. Ben swore to himself that he would be better than that. Rey had been through enough already. 

Ben and Rey left the temple hand-in-hand. Now that they had the answers they needed, there was a whole lot of work that needed to be done across the galaxy. And it was going to be exhausting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed!! pls leave a like and a comment! as always, I love hearing from you guys and really wanna know what you guys think and what you want to see in the story. I’m trying to improve my writing so it is more enjoyable for you guys!!!


	13. Two Become One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey thinks about the future and Ben asks a question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! I am hoping to post a chapter about every week, but right now I am moving into my dorm and starting college, so I am sorry if I do not post that frequently! Also, I have a Spotify playlist that is kinda for this fic??? If you wanna give it a listen I will leave a link here!!! Enjoy :)  
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2joogD0BJd09aakVdofbib?si=VkfuWwh4TYuYmIdqAJN-fQ

Rey and Ben spent one more night in Naboo. They were both incredibly exhausted, both emotionally and physically. The trip to the temple was long and the trip back felt even longer with Anakin’s words weighing heavy on them. They both decided to take a day to just spend time together and recover from the experience.

Rey and Ben laid together in a large plush bed. Rey laid at Ben’s left side, his right arm tugging her close. For the moment, they had no responsibilities. They could pretend that it was just them, and the rest of the world faded into the background.

Sometimes it was hard for Rey to believe that this was all really happening. She had always loved Ben deep down inside, but things had just changed so quickly for them that Rey still had to get used to how it felt to wake up in Ben’s arms, to see him laying next to her. Ben was still fast asleep when Rey woke up. She was in no rush to leave his embrace and instead admired his sleepy expression. His expression was so soft and innocent, it made Rey’s heart ache. He was an extraterrestrial kind of beautiful that Rey could not understand. When he was fast asleep, it was hard to believe that anyone could have corrupted his innocence. Ben’s hair was a curly mess and he looked more like a child than a man. Rey ran her fingers through Ben’s hair as he slept. Ben sleepily wrapped both his arms around Rey at the gesture and pulled her against his chest with a sleepy huff. Rey let out a soft laugh and pressed a kiss to the top of Ben’s head. Ben buried his face in Rey’s neck. Rey couldn’t recall a time in her life when she had felt more at peace. She had Ben in her bed, and their child growing inside her. She silently thanked the universe for leading her to this life. Rey and Ben would have a tough road ahead of them, but they would walk it together which made it all seem a bit less daunting. Rey continued to run her fingers through Ben’s hair, earning a sigh of relief from him. Rey smiled in amusement. She could stay like this forever and be perfectly content.

Ben mumbled something about not wanting to crush Rey and rolled over onto his back, pulling Rey to his chest. Rey let out a giggle, sounding a bit like a teenage girl and Ben smiled sleepily.

“How’s the little hellion doing in there?” Ben asked, letting his hand graze the skin of Rey’s belly

“They’re doing very well. Haven’t had any nausea all morning.” Rey replied, with an amused grin. It was unusual for Ben to be soft around other people, but when it came to Rey, when it came to their _family_ , he was a total teddy bear. Ben looked at Rey with sleepy eyes and pressed a kiss to her forehead, his hand resting on Rey’s belly.

“Good. Save all that trouble making for when you’re on the outside, kid.” Ben spoke to Rey’s belly, as if their child even had ears yet to hear him. Rey smiled fondly at Ben’s playful tone and leaned her head against him. Ben was comforted by Rey’s affectionate touch and took all that he could get. Rey had a way of bringing out the softer side of Ben. She nurtured the child within him that had been starved of affection for oh-so long. It was unlike anything Ben had ever had before, unlike any love he had ever known. Rey adjusted her position so Ben’s head could lay on her chest while he caressed her belly. Ben was in awe, truly. Rey continued to twirl some of the rebellious curls on Ben’s head between her fingers. She couldn’t help but hope their child would have his beautiful head of hair. Ben hummed at the attention and found himself in awe of Rey and how lucky he was to have her. Anakin’s words echoed in his head and reminded Ben to appreciate every moment he had with Rey.

The couple eventually meandered their way into the kitchen. Rey sat at the dining table and admired Ben fondly as he cooked for the two of them. Rey wasn’t aware that Ben knew how to cook and was pleasantly surprised. It seemed far too domestic for the leader of the First Order. Rey tried to imprint the vision into her mind, hoping one day she and Ben might actually spend early mornings in the kitchen together with their family. Rey thought she might be able to make it through the onslaught of questions waiting for them back with the First Order, and the stress of creating a New Republic, as long as those moments would be waiting for her and Ben in the end.

Breakfast was peaceful and quiet, with Ben stealing glances at Rey over the table. Rey never had a man look at her the way Ben did, and it flustered her. He didn’t leer at her like she was something to be concord, and he didn’t act like she was weak or incapable. Ben saw her for who she was and loved every part of her. He admired her strength, her courage, her compassion. And it was all in his eyes when he looked at her.

And he was making it terribly difficult to focus on finishing her meal.

The morning sun settled in the sky as Rey and Ben walked down a stone path. The Knights of Ren were dismissed for the day and were granted time to leisure. Ben had made plans for him and Rey, wanting to make the most out of their last day. Rey was dressed plainly in a long grey dress, and Ben couldn’t help but think he was terribly lucky to be with her. Even in such plain attire, Rey could rival the sun with her heavenly glow. He was completely smitten and as much as Ben had tried to deny it in the past, there was nothing that could change that. Ben nervously checked his pants pocket and felt for a tiny box there. Relieved that it was still there, Ben let out an exhale of relief as they made their way to a beautiful garden. It was much larger than the garden on the First Order base, and even more bright and colorful. Ben knew Rey would appreciate it.

It was a blossoming wonderland that Rey had never known before. There were bird-like creatures humming around, singing sweetly. It was as if Rey had been swept up and into a dream. The sun shined down and kissed Rey’s bare shoulders, bringing light to all her freckles. It was a sight to behold. Amongst all the flowers, Rey was a goddess of femininity. Ben was nearly brought to his knees as he watched Rey run ahead of him and up the hill. She was ethereal and Ben never felt less deserving of her heavenly light.

Ben followed after and was pleased to see that Rey had already found what Ben had set up for them. He pulled a few strings after speaking privately with the Queen and ensuring an end to the war. It was beautiful. Candles were lit around the garden, sitting on top of a stone wall and a large blanket was laid out on the grass. Rey turned around to smile fondly at Ben. The picnic was simple, but romantic which was perfect for Rey. She didn’t like big, flashy displays of affection.

“When did you have time to do all of this?” Rey asked. She took Ben’s hand and pulled him to sit with her over on the picnic blanket.

“I had to ask a favor of someone.” Ben replied.

Rey gave Ben an appreciative smile and leaned her head in Ben’s shoulder. The couple stared out at the water. The garden’s location upon the hill gave them a completely uninterrupted view of the sky and the sea. A swarm of blue butterflies danced above their heads, finding flowers to land upon as Rey watched curiously.

“Are you nervous to go back?” Ben asked. They would be leaving early in the morning to head back to the First Order where plenty of responsibilities awaited them both.

“Not really. I’ll be with you,” Rey answered, tearing her gaze away from the insects and back to Ben. “I don’t want to hide anymore.”

Ben let a small smile grace his lips. It would be nice to no longer keep such a big secret from everyone.

“I don’t want to either.” Ben agreed. He paused for a moment. Ben didn’t want to go back without putting a ring on Rey’s finger, but he wasn’t sure how to even begin to ask her. It was such a foreign concept and he still felt so undeserving of her. They had spoken about marriage before, but this would be an actual step in that direction. A promise. And Ben was so afraid.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked. She could feel Ben’s unease through their bond. She knew him far too well to ignore it. She watched Ben with kind eyes, and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Ben looked into Rey’s all-knowing eyes and shook his head, letting out a huff of a laugh through his nose as he looked down at his lap.

“Nothing. I…I am just so completely in love with you.” He shamelessly admitted, looking up from his hands to meet Rey’s eyes.

“Then why do you feel so afraid?” Rey countered. There was nothing he could hide from her. It was beyond Ben how she hadn’t known he got a ring. He let out a long sigh. He was afraid of so much. He was afraid of losing Rey, of not being a good father, of being incapable as a leader. Most of all, Ben was afraid of how much he loved Rey and their child already. He knew that much like his grandfather, he would do anything to keep Rey and their child safe, even if that meant he had to go against everything he believed in. Ben took Rey’s hand from his shoulder and held it in his own two hands.

“Rey, you complete me in every way,” Ben spoke, looking down at how nicely Rey’s hand fit in his. “You make me stronger, you show me compassion and love. You are the only light I have ever known,” He admitted, pressing his lips to the back of Rey’s hand. “And I do not know what I have done to deserve your love.”

“Ben…” Rey spoke softly. It was so heartbreaking to know how much Ben hurt deep inside. He was so broken and lost, drowning in so much darkness.

“I wouldn’t be who I am now if it were not for you, and I don’t want to live a life where you are not a part of me.” Ben spoke. He held Rey’s hand with his right hand as he reached into his pocket with the other. “I want to spend every day for the rest of my life loving you and our child, Rey.” Ben opened the small box with both hands, as Rey’s came to comer her mouth.

The ring was unbelievably beautiful and unique. It shined brightly in the light of the sun. The band was dainty, and was a nearly copper-like color. The band split into two parts, meeting in the middle to hold in place a raw gemstone. It was a dark, opal-like stone, that seemed to shift colors in the light. The gem was in a teardrop shape, held carefully by the prongs of the band. Two smaller gems kissed either side of the opal, embedded in the band itself.

Rey was stunned. It was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever laid eyes on. She had never had the kind of money to purchase such a thing and was in complete awe of it.

“Oh Ben…” Rey murmured. Wedding rings and engagement rings were never a part of her culture. She had known about them from her studies, but never thought she would end up wearing one.

“Would you do me the honor of spending the rest of our lives together?” Ben asked softly. His hands trembled on their own accord and Ben wasn’t sure why he was so incredibly nervous. They had spoken about marriage before, but now it seemed so real. He had a ring, and he was asking her to spend their lives together.

“Oh Ben, of course.” Rey wrapped her arms around Ben’s neck and hugged him close, nearly knocking him over. Ben let out a laugh of surprise and wrapped his arms around Rey, doing his best not to drop the ring.

When they pulled apart, Ben removed the ring from it’s box, holding it out to Rey.

“Which finger?” Rey asked sheepishly. This was such a foreign concept to her. She had never worn a ring before and was unsure of all the traditions that came with engagement rings.

“I don’t know.” Ben admitted, laughing as he slid the ring onto Rey’s right hand ring finger. Rey looked down and watched, before pressing her lips to Ben’s in excitement. She refused to let her mind run wild with worries, instead choosing to enjoy the wonderful moment she and Ben shared.

When they would return to the First Order, there would be announcements to be made, responsibilities to be attended to, and changes to commence. It was all rather overwhelming, but Rey would be by Ben’s side and they would face their challenges together.

Rey and Ben laid out in each others arms, enjoying the feel of youthful bliss that encapsulated them. They were so foolishly in love and there was nothing in the world that they would not face by each other’s side. 


	14. Questions to be Answered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben worries and Rey leads.

When Ben and Rey arrived at the base with the Knights of Ren, they were met with a great deal of questions and demands, but it was hard for Ben or Rey to really care. They were surrounded by a hue of light in the Force that quieted all the worries and fears within their minds. Ben kept his hand on the small of Rey’s back as they stepped off the ship and onto the flight deck. The display of affection was small, but meaningful. Rey could feel Ben’s desire to protect her surge through their bond. Rey looked over to Ben with an amused smile. The couple had barely stepped foot onto the ground, when Hux spotted them and incessantly reminded Ben that his attention was needed. There was a meeting to be had with the allies of the First Order to discuss Rey’s relationship with Ben, as well as their plans for the rest of the war. Ben nodded, and looked to Rey as if asking for permission to go. Rey smiled fondly at her partner.

“I’d like to get changed, if you don’t mind. I’ll come find you.” Rey assured and Ben gave a nod before following Hux to the conference room.

Rey found her way on her own to her quarters. She had slowly become familiar with the base’s layout. If she were to be an Empress, she would need to make a proper impression on the Allies. And Rey knew just how she would do that.

“Do you ever think before you make choices that I have to provide answers for?” Hux grumbled, quickly sending out messages on the data tablet.

“You’ve seen how strong she is. She is absolutely an asset to ending this war. You have to be a fool not to see that.” Was Ben’s quick reply, as he put on his leather gloves and took a seat on his throne. The Allies hadn’t all arrived yet, so Ben and Hux spoke privately in the throne room.

“I’m not debating her strength, I just wish you would say something before getting a former member of the Resistance pregnant. I don’t know how you plan on explaining that to the Allies.” Hux huffed and Ben rolled his eyes.

“You know, you are such a-“ Before the snarky comment could leave Ben’s mouth, the door to the throne room opened. Both Ben and General Hux turned their attention to the person stepping through the door.

Ben tried not to let his mouth hang agape as his eyes flickered over to his beautiful fiancé as she walked in the door. She was simply luminous, dressed in a long black dress with her hair braided into two French braids. The dress hugged her every curve and the back was open, revealing her bare skin. She was a vision in black and it suited her future title as Empress very well. Rey still kept her saber strapped to her hip at all times, and Ben was blessed to be in love with such an attractive and powerful woman.

Rey felt her cheeks heat up under the gaze of both men. “Is it too much?” Rey asked, looking down at her dress. She thought it was a good look for her, but she still wasn’t all too familiar with the unspoken social rules that came with being in power.

“No, no. You look amazing, come here.” Ben stumbled through his words as men often do when they see a beautiful woman. Ben gestured for Rey to come closer and she did. Rey made her way to Ben’s throne, hips swaying as she walked up the steps. Ben was quick to pull Rey into his lap. He couldn’t help it. Something stirred in Ben when Rey sat in his lap. It wasn’t necessarily a sexual thing, but it did make Ben feel incredibly powerful. Rey did not ignore how Hux’s cheeks turned red as the sat down.

Once the Allies arrived, Ben escorted Rey out of the throne room with his hand on her back. The two found their spot at the head of the conference table, Ben once again requesting that Rey sit in his lap. It was clear that not everyone was pleased with Rey’s presence, but Rey tried her best not to mind. Ben rubbed Rey’s back, feeling her anxiety through their bond.

“Thank you all for coming. I am sure you all remember Miss Kyra.”Ben spoke, tone cool and collected. He decided not to wear his helmet to this meeting. For so long, it shielded him from being Ben Solo, but he no longer found it comforting as he had before. Ben’s words were met with nods and greetings of ‘hello’ directed towards Rey. She blushed under all the attention. “Now, I called this meeting in order to inform you all of some changes that need to be made,” Ben cleared his throat and Rey readjusted herself on Ben’s lap. “It is time for us to end this war. We are exhausting resources, time, and energy. It is no longer in our best interest to continue this fight.” Ben explained. A silence fell in the room and allies looked at one another with confusion.

“Sir, with all do respect, the Resistance is dying. We could have them wiped out within the next year.” An ally, whom Rey did not recognize well, said.

“That is another year of fighting, though. And bloodshed. People are dying on both sides.” Another interrupted. The room was quiet for a moment before Rey decided to speak.

“The Resistance is looking for a way out of this war. There are plenty of systematic issues that need to be addressed and that cannot be fixed without an alliance between us and the Resistance. This isn’t a surrender, it is a compromise.” Rey added. Ben was actually quite proud of Rey and how easily she took to her place beside him. He nodded.

“I do not wish to give up any power to the Resistance or to hand my power to a government. I _do_ wish to end all the needless suffering this war has caused.” Ben added.

“Well, how do you expect the Resistance to believe that? To think we want peace?” Hux replied.

“Me,” Rey interjected. “I was a great fighter for the Resistance. If Supreme Leader Ren and I were to marry, that would signify a union between the Resistance and the First Order. Under our power, we could make great changes and bring peace.”

“Marry?” Hux asked. Everyone was astounded. It was a great idea. Their marriage would literally marry both the Resistance and the First Order.

“This girl might be a genius...” one of the allies mumbled.

Ben smirked by Rey’s side and his hand went from her back to rest on her thigh. “I believe I did say she would be a great asset to us,” Ben bragged. Rey blushed from the sudden attention. Rey knew what she felt and how easy it was to fight at Ben’s side. The idea was natural. Both she and Ben had known from the beginning that their union would be an important part of uniting the galaxy.

“I think our next step will be to remove troops from Resistance territory and focus on reconstruction. Miss Kyra will have to be properly initiated into the First Order as Empress and then she and I will marry.” It was decided. Rey smiled shyly and looked down at her lap, somewhat uncomfortable with all the attention.

“We’re getting married.” Rey said aloud once the conference room emptied. Reality was slowly setting in for her. She couldn’t believe it. Married.Rey looked down at the shiny ring on her finger. It was still so strange.

“Rey, if you’ve changed your mind, can find another way to work things out. I don’t want you to-“ Rey cut off Ben’s scrambled thoughts with a soft kiss.

“I want to marry you,” Rey confirmed, cupping Ben’s cheek in her hand. She looked at him with sincere adoration. “It just…It hadn’t really set in until now. So much has happened in just a few days. I’m just a bit overwhelmed.”

Ben leaned into Rey’s touch and hummed in agreement. “I know,” He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh. Rey tucked one of Ben’s wild curls behind his ear and nodded. Ben turned his head and placed a kiss to Rey’s palm, before taking her hand in his.

“I am very lucky to be getting married to such a strong and powerful woman.” Ben smiled up at Rey. Rey smiled back warmly, both of them lost in their own world.

“We will have to get married soon, before I can no longer fit in a wedding dress.” Rey teased. She was still in the early stages of her pregnancy, so Rey knew they would have some time.

“I suppose we will have to get on that then, huh?” Ben held their intertwined hands against his cheek. Rey thought for a moment. She did want to marry Ben, but she wasn’t sure she would want all the drama and flair that would come with a royal wedding. Ben could feel Rey’s worries and pressed another kiss to the back of Rey’s hand.

“I don’t think we can entirely avoid having a big wedding, but we could have another small ceremony, just for us if you’d like.” Ben offered. He watched Rey’s face for any change in expression. He liked to keep his private life private, but they would need to have a large wedding for the purpose of uniting both the Resistance and the First Order.

“I think I’d like that.” Rey replied, before leaning in to give Ben a soft kiss. She smiled to herself. Now she would be able to kiss Ben whenever she wanted, without worrying about prying eyes. Rey let her hands rest on Ben’s shoulders before running them down his chest, and pulled him closer. It was nice to get her hands on him again. Ben raised a brow at the action and smirked. He pulled Rey in for another kiss, hands finding their way to Rey’s waist. It was still so unreal to Ben that he had his _literal_ other half in his arms. He had felt so empty for so long, full of nothing but rage and sadness. He had no idea that he’d ever see the light again. Every time he spoke to Rey or saw her or fought with her, it was a tiny crack in his shell. She was the only source of light he had and now she was having his _child_ , wearing his ring. He couldn’t help, nut feel so grateful for her love and her patience. Rey very well could have given up on him long ago, but she didn’t. Rey wasn’t that type of person.

Rey could feel Ben’s affection through their bond and gave him an amused smile. Ben was so unlike the man he pretended to be around everyone else. Rey was abound to lean in for another kiss when she was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. Ben and Rey parted for a moment, looking for the source of the noise.

“If you two don’t mind, there is a lot we need to do to prepare to announce your engagement and remove troops from Resistance territories.” General Hux spoke, clearly annoyed by the displays of affection. Rey blushed and tried to fight the smile from her face. Hux stepped outside and the second he left, both Rey and Ben burst out into laughter.

“He hates us.” Rey laughed, shaking her head. Rey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“He hates _me_ , not you. In fact I think he might be a bit _too_ fond of you.” Ben chuckled. He let Rey stand up from his lap, still gently holding her much smaller hand in his own.

“Gross.” Rey scrunched up her nose and the couple left, preparing to make changes to the First Order as a couple.

Ben and Rey worked really well together, which was no surprise. While Rey’s input was met with hesitation at first, Ben made it very clear that Rey was to be treated with the same respect as himself. Ben found himself just watching Rey with admiration as she spoke by his side. She brought a totally different perspective and had insight that Ben had not even considered previously. Rey seemed to so easily fit into Ben’s life, like there had always been a space open for her that had been left vacant for her to fill. It seemed that Ben had never been more aware of how empty he had been then when Rey was there with him.

As much as Ben tried to ignore it, there was still darkness seeping into him. He did his best to be strong for Rey, but it was getting harder and harder to cast the darkness out from within him. He was so afraid of letting Rey down. He loved her so much, maybe too much. And she had given up so much for him. What if Ben couldn’t be the person that she saw him as? What if he was still just Kylo Ren, parading around as Ben Solo and not the other way around? Perhaps his intentions were not as pure as he once thought. Ben cast his thoughts and worries aside. Rey could read him like an open book, and Ben didn’t want her to worry. She was already pregnant and had so much on her mind.

Rey glanced over to Ben as Hux spoke to the two of them. It was clear to her that Ben was lost in his own thoughts. He was standing right beside her, but somehow he still felt miles away from her. She reached out and held his hand, bringing him back to the present moment. Ben looked down at Rey’s hand in his and gave a thankful look to her.

“Where were you today?” Rey asked. She brushed through her hair as Ben brushed his teeth before bed that night. He was in the bathroom while Rey sat on his bed. Ben spit into the sink and Rey could hear the water run before he turned it off again. Ben stepped out from the bathroom with a confused expression. He was shirtless, clad in only the pants he planned to sleep in.

“What do you mean?” He replied as he made his way over to the bed. Ben untucked the freshly made sheets.

“You seemed like your mind was somewhere else.” Rey answered, setting down her hairbrush and turning on the bed to face Ben. Rey’s sleeping gown road high on her thighs as she moved to sit beside Ben in bed. Ben wasn’t quite sure how to answer and paused for a moment, climbing into bed beside Rey.

“I’m sorry,” Ben spoke. He pulled the sheets over his and Rey’s legs. “I guess I was just lost in thought.” Rey gave Ben a questioning glance, but Ben could only shrug in response. Rey laid her head against the pillow and moved to rest on her side, looking back at Ben. Her left hand began to fiddle with her engagement ring as she thought.

“Are you alright?” She asked cautiously. Maybe Ben had regrets. They had been together for such a short time and perhaps Ben felt they had rushed into things.

“I have you, how could I not be?” Ben replied as he laid beside Rey. His arms naturally found their way to Rey’s waist and wrapped around her. Rey didn’t quite believe Ben, but she softened at his answer and melted into his touch. She decided not to pry any further, not wanting Ben to retreat back into his shell. Rey smiled softly and let her lips meet Ben’s. Ben smiled softly into the kiss and he let a hand graze over Rey’s bump. Ben was still trying to get used to the idea that he would soon be a father. It seemed so strange to him. He knew the vulnerability he felt as a child and how lost he had been. Ben swore to himself that their child would never feel that way, though he was still unsure of how to be a good father. Their lips parted and Rey admired how Ben stared at her belly in awe. Rey’s hands hame to rest over Ben’s.

“I can barely fit into the dresses you got for me anymore.” Rey said with an amused tone. Ben breathed out a laugh.

“We can get you more. You looked so beautiful today in that one dress, you nearly killed me.” Ben said with a chuckle. Rey laughed and let her eyes meet Ben’s again.

“I wanted to leave an impression.” She shrugged and Ben pulled her close to him, his large arms nearly consuming her.

“Well you certainly did,” Ben replied. He his hands fiddle with the bottom of Rey’s gown. “You always do.” Rey batted away Ben’s teasing hands and responded with a slow and passionate kiss. Once they broke apart, Ben buried his face into the crook of Rey’s neck. Rey found it amusing how such a tall and nearly encapsulating man could be so soft on the inside.He loved her, and Rey knew that. Ben was so in love with her that it almost hurt sometimes. They were each other’s greatest strength, but also their biggest weakness. Ben knew he wouldn’t be able to be without Rey ever again. She had brought so much goodness into his life that Ben Solo would never survive if she left. Rey’s legs intertwined with Ben’s and they laid together peacefully, occasionally stealing gentle kisses.

Ben’s lashes tickled the bare skin of Rey’s neck as the two of them laid together. Ben couldn’t sleep. Even after Rey’s breathing had slowed, Ben found his mind was alive with all the worries and anxieties he had avoided during the day. The darkness inside him was growing, and although it did not outweigh the light, Ben was scared that it one day would. As he held Rey in his arms, Ben could only hope that he would be strong enough to not slip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you’ve enjoyed this chapter!!! Please leave a comment and a Kudos if you did, and feel free to let me know of anything you’d like to see from this story! I have some plans in the works for our power couple lol but I always like to hear other people’s ideas and headcanons lol. I think the next chapter will be up pretty quickly, as I have been really enjoying writing this :)


	15. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The announcement is made. Rey and Ben have a difficult conversation.

Ben and Rey grew comfortable working at each others sides, their routines blending seamlessly together. It wasn’t a surprise at all how well they worked together. Rey’s insight into the Resistance was especially helpful as Ben wrote his speech. They had spent a good few days finalizing the details of their announcement which would be shared across the galaxy, and the day finally came. Ben and Rey were fitted for matching outfits that were very much unlike their usual taste. Rey had been so nervous during her fitting that the tailor nearly poked her with a pin a time or two. Rey was wary of the response that they’d receive from the Resistance to her engagement. Rey had seen how Rose, Poe, and Finn had reacted to her being with Ben and was not eager to repeat that experience.

Rey was dressed in a long, grey gown that brushed the floor. It was flowey and didn’t draw too much attention to her growing belly. The sleeves were flowey as well, fitted to her wrist just at the end. It was probably the most comfortable thing Rey had worn in her entire pregnancy thus far. Her hair was pulled back into her usual buns, with a few pieced braided back. Rey glanced at herself in the mirror as Zala fluffed out the back of the gown. Rey didn’t think she’d ever get used to wearing such extravagant dresses or being doted on so much by people. It was so odd.

Once Rey was ready, Zala escorted her to the throne room, though Rey was aware of where it was. Ben was already dressed and waiting for her. Rey smiled softly at the sight of him. Ben looked so much more comfortable outside of his usual uniform, his hands clasped behind his back as he waited for Rey. She could feel his nerves from across the room.Ben was dressed in the same shade of grey as Rey, wearing slacks and a grey top that resembled the one he usually wore. Rey felt Ben light up as his eyes found her. He gave her a sly grin as she walked over to him.

“If you’re this nervous now, I can’t imagine how you’ll be at our wedding.” Rey teased, as her position at Ben’s side was adjusted. Ben gave Rey an amused smile and looked ahead at the camera being focused on them. Ben took Rey’s hand and squeezed it gently.

“You’re one to talk. I have barely been able to conjure my own thoughts with your worries in my head.” Ben countered. He had a point. Rey’s mind had been racing non-stop all morning. She could hardly sit still.

“I just am worried-“

“About what your friends will think. I know.” Ben finished her sentence with a calm and comforting tone. He gave Rey a knowing look and an understanding smile.

“I hate when you do that.” Rey gave a sad laugh and shook her head. She looked down and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.

“It’s true, though,” Ben replied. He looked away from the camera and back to Rey. “You look incredibly beautiful.”

Rey smiled and looked up at Ben before quickly stealing a kiss from him. “Thank you.” Ben hummed at her reply and adjusted his posture as he turned back to the camera.

After a few moments, Hux gestured from the side that they were ready to film the message. Ben gave a nod and let out a shaky exhale. Rey squeezed his hand comfortingly and Ben squeezed back. This would be their next big step, and there was no way they could turn back.

The base had not been the same since Rey left. When Finn, Poe, and Rose returned from their “rescue mission,” Leia was there waiting and was most definitely not pleased. All three of them were placed on cleaning duty upon their return, and Poe was not allowed to fly. She was incredibly frustrated with the trio’s lack of respect for her orders and their distrust in her judgement. Leia had just recently allowed them to return to work when the announcement from the First Order came in. Everyone gathered around the hologram projector, waiting impatiently. Leia had been quite nervous. She hadn’t heard from Rey or the First Order directly since Rey left and was anxious to see what changes had been made. Leia trusted Rey’s judgement and hoped that she might have a positive impact on Ben, allowing Leia to one day see her son again. Leia stepped closer to the projector as the image flickered. There was no ignoring the ache in her chest as Ben’s face came into view.

Finn, Poe, and Rose were gathered around the projection with everyone else. While none of them were entirely pleased with the information they had gathered on their trip to the First Order, there was nothing they could do. And if they had learned anything from disobeying Leia, it was to trust the judgement of women with the Force. Finn stood with his arms crossed and Rose sat at his side. The room grew quiet as Ben opened his mouth to speak. A few whispers were heard at the sight of Rey at his side.

“This is Supreme Leader of the First Order, Kylo Ren,” The hologram spoke. “The war raging on in this galaxy has been riddled with bloodshed and betrayal, injustice and pain. This is the result of a demand for power, for revenge, and an inability to listen.” He paused. “It is the opinion of this leadership that those ideals will lead to nothing but division and destruction for decades to come.” Finn’s face scrunched up at Kylo’s words. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How could this be the Kylo Ren he had seen in the forrest?

“Months ago, Rey of Jakku came to the First Order as a former Resistance fighter. She has proven to be a remarkable leader with great knowledge and strength, who is endlessly selfless and full of compassion unlike I have ever seen,” Ben added and Rey smiled softly as he spoke.

“I am honored to say that we are engaged to be married and we are expecting a child in the coming months. It is our hope that through our union, we might help to unite the First Order and the Resistance to form a New Republic. One that serves the needs of the people and addresses the systematic issues faced under the Old Republic.”

“We would like to formally extend an invitation to the leaders and allies of the Resistance to a peace conference so that we might find common ground among us where we can build a new form of government.” Rey finally spoke up. Her words flowed so elegantly, it was as if she had been born to speak them.

General Organa broke out into a soft smile. That was her son. Rey had brought him back into the light. Tears brimmed her eyes and she left the large gathering to think on her own. Finn was still unimpressed with the Supreme Leader. While many Resistance fighters were speaking gleefully at the promise of an end to the war, Finn could not bare to listen to their foolish talk. He had been part of the First Order at one point and it seemed so unlike them to even consider peace.

Back at the First Order base, the announcement was cause for celebration. No more war, no more fighting. Rey was thankful that her dress was so comfortable as she leaned against the wall of the room that the party was held in. She was not one to party, but as future Empress, it was important that Rey showed her face. Ben was caught up in conversation with a few Generals, while Rey sipped her drink. She looked around the room, taking in all the smiling faces. Rey wasn’t sure she would ever be used to partying and socializing the way leaders do. Somedays, Ben still had to explain certain customs and beliefs of those in power, those with money. She felt incredibly fortunate to no longer have to worry about things like food or where she would sleep at night. She was thankful to Ben for providing for her like he did.

Rey had been so lost in thought that she nearly missed the man walking over to her. It wasn’t till he was stood right next to her that Rey even gave him a second glance. “You don’t look like you’re having much fun.” The man spoke. Rey turned her gaze from Ben to the man stood beside her.

“I am not a fan of partying.” She replied with a shrug, sipping her drink again. Rey realized, as she looked at the man, that he reminded her a lot of Poe. He had a chiseled jaw, dark hair and stubble. Charming, but not quite Rey’s type. Rey had never seen him before, but that wasn’t much or a surprise as nearly everyone wore masks around the base.

“I apologize. I don’t believe we have met. I am Jensen Coplide. I work on the ships and occasionally the droids you disassemble.” The man held out a hand to Rey, his other hand holding a cup. She shook his hand politely.

“I always reassemble them.” Rey replied with a smile.

“Not very well, I’m afraid, Miss Kyra.” The man said with a smirk. Rey rolled her eyes.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“It’s alright. I think I can put up with a few broken droids for a beautiful woman like yourself.” Jensen winked and Rey nearly choked on her drink. Was this guy hitting on her? In what world would it be a good idea to flirt with the fiancé of the Supreme Leader? Rey cleared her throat and took a step back from the man. She glanced over at Ben, hoping his conversation would end soon. Rey tried not to overreact, but Jensen was beginning to invade her personal space in a way that was nearly suffocating. She could have gagged at the mix of cheap cologne and alcohol coming off Jensen and assaulting her senses.

“Pardon me?”

“You know, they say that scavengers are amazing in bed. I wonder if that’s true…” Jensen spoke, leaning in far too close for Rey’s comfort and pulling at the ribbon on Rey’s dress.Before a single word left Rey’s mouth, there was a sudden halt in conversation and chatter. In an instant, Jensen was being shoved away from her and thrown up against the wall. Rey felt instant relief when she turned to find Ben was the one who separated them. His arm reached out, choking the man through the Force.

“Don’t touch her.” Ben nearly growled, shoving Jensen against the wall through the Force, as if trying to push him through it. Jensen could not respond, hands grasping at his neck to release Ben’s hold on him. Rey was quick to reach out for Ben’s arm. She had felt this anger before and knew nothing good would come of a fight between the two men. Rey held the crook of Ben’s arm, being almost painfully gentle with Ben.

“Honey, let go,” Rey requested. She wasn’t sure how the pet name slipped out, but it did. She figured it was better that calling him Ben out loud. “I’m alright. He’s just drunk. It’s not worth your time.” Her words were carefully spoken, trying to calm the anger festering inside Ben. Her words were met with little reaction for a moment, until Ben eventually let the man fall to the floor, gasping for air.

Rey turned to Ben as he tried to calm down. He let out a shaky exhale, staring at the man crumpled on the ground.

“I wanna go home. Can you take me home?” Rey asked in a soft voice to Ben. His gaze broke away from Jensen at Rey’s words and he gave a firm nod. She took Ben’s hand in hers and stepped outside the room with Ben. The party carried on without them, Jensen being escorted out to the med bay.

Their walk to Rey and Ben’s shared quarters was quiet. Rey didn’t ask any questions and simply held onto Ben’s hand. It wasn’t until Ben was helping Rey unzip her dress that he spoke.

“I’m sorry.”

Rey glanced at Ben through the mirror as she undid her buns. She let out a soft sigh and let her hair fall past her shoulders carelessly, a few pieces still in braids. She turned to face Ben completely and pulled him into an embrace. Ben’s arms wrapped around her gently and his chin rested atop Rey’s head.

“I know.” She replied against his chest. Since they started living together, Ben had kept his temper fairly well controlled. It was only a matter of time before he blew up and Rey couldn’t blame him for that. There was a lot she and Ben tried not to talk about. It was difficult to understand the darker side of him and Ben really tried not to talk about it. He was ashamed of what a monster he was.

“Let’s get in bed, alright?” Rey suggested as they pulled apart. Ben nodded quietly and finished getting dressed for bed. Rey let her dress fall to the floor and put on the last nightgown that fit her. She had barely had any time to notice how much her belly had grown with all the work she and Ben had been doing. Rey smiled and glanced in the mirror at herself, putting a hand over her belly.

Rey left the bathroom and turned off the lights, climbing into bed. Ben was already there, sitting quietly. Rey frowned and came to sit beside him. Neither one of them spoke as Rey took Ben’s hand and held it in her lap. She looked over at Ben, watching him carefully. He seemed so far away from her even though he was right next to her.

“Why are you being so hard on yourself?” She asked softly.

Ben let out a sigh. He had been trying so hard to keep the darkness within him locked away deep inside. But when Ben glanced over to Rey and saw another man putting his hands on her, when he felt Rey’s discomfort and worry, it was all set free. He couldn’t hold back. If Rey hadn’t been there to calm him down, he very well might have killed the man. It was as if something primal was released in him. He was not in control.

“I’ve been trying so hard to get rid of all this evil inside me and…and I thought I could, but seeing him put his hands on you…It was like something else took over me.” Ben tried his best to explain and Rey nodded as he spoke.

“I want to be a good man, a good husband, a good father,” Ben’s gaze fell to Rey’s belly as he spoke. “But I’m a monster.”

“Ben,” Rey immediately felt the sting of that word. Monster. She deeply regretted ever having said it. She lifted Ben’s head with her hand, letting his eyes meet hers. She sighed softly, trying to find the right words to say. “You are _not_ a monster.”

“I killed my father!” Ben snapped, pulling away from Rey’s touch in frustration. He didn’t deserve her love. He didn’t deserve her touch. Ben stood up from the bedand paced the room. “How can you even look at me?!”

Ben’s words broke her heart. Rey remembered Han’s death with painful detail. It was a terrible loss for everyone, and she knew Ben was well aware of how she had come to admire Han. Rey shook her head and looked away, pushing back tears.

“That wasn’t you, Ben. That was-“

“Kylo is a part of me,” Ben interrupted. “I killed him with my own hands. I hurt people. I hurt _you._ ”

Rey covered her mouth and let tears roll freely down her cheeks. She couldn’t deny Ben’s words. It was true. Kylo Ren was her enemy. And he hurt her in so many ways. But just as Kylo was a part of him, so was Ben.

“You cannot keep punishing yourself for the things you were not in control over. You would have never killed Han if it wasn’t for Snoke.” Rey replied through her tears.

“But I still did, Rey!”

“You are not the only one with darkness in them. I nearly killed Luke when I found out what he did to you!” Rey shot back. “You tell me that I am the light of your life. Don’t you know I am a part of you? We are a dyad, Ben. Two that are one. If you are a monster, then so am I! ”

Silence fell between the couple. Rey wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Ben stood in front of their Bed, no longer pacing.

“You are not a monster, Rey.” Ben muttered.

“And neither are you.” Rey sniffled. Ben sighed and walked over to Rey’s side of the bed. Rey was quick to reach out for him, allowing herself to be pulled into Ben’s lap. She buried her face into the crook of Ben’s neck and sniffled. Ben held Rey close and tried to sooth her. Ben pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head as her tears subsided.

“I just don’t want the real Ben Solo to disappoint you.” Ben admitted to Rey.

“I love you. All of you, Ben. Even the parts of you that are Kylo.” Rey replied, her voice small. Ben relaxed at Rey’s words and tilted her head up to kiss her.

“I love you too.” He murmured against their lips.

Once Rey’s tears subsided, Ben let Rey lay down and cuddle up against his chest. Rey intertwined their hands and pressed her lips to them. “I’m not afraid of you.” She promised softly against his skin. Ben’s expression softened at her words and he replied with a kiss to her forehead.

“I’m sorry about tonight.” He apologized. Rey shook her head.

“You were protecting me, protecting us.” Rey took their intertwined hands and placed them on her belly.Rey smiled at how Ben softened at the thought of their child. “You’re going to be a great dad.” Rey assured.

“I hope so.” Ben murmured, looking at Rey’s belly in awe. And Rey knew he would be. Rey paused before speaking.

“Ben?” She spoke.

“Yes, Rey?”

“At our private wedding…Can we invite your mother?”

Ben was quiet for a moment, and Rey worried she might have said something wrong. But then he spoke. “I would like that very much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!! There are more on their way! As always, I’d love to hear your head canons and thoughts on this chapter so please feel free to leave a comment and a Kudos if you’d like!!


	16. Reunion for the Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben greet the rebels again. Leia is a good mother-in-law.

Rey had never been so excited yet so full of dread in her entire life. It had taken a few weeks for her and Ben to put together the peace conference and now the day had finally come. Rey was thrilled to end the war and see her friends again, she was still well aware that not everyone saw Ben the way she did. Rey couldn’t forget how angry Finn had been the last time she saw him, and it killed her. He was her closest friend but now Rey wasn’t so sure. It was so awful. With no family of her own, the Resistance was all Rey had, and as she got farther into her pregnancy, Rey needed that support. Rey had been feeling a bit lost with everything going on. She knew she loved Ben, that she loved the family they were making, but Rey also knew that she had no idea how to raise a child. She wasn’t even sure she was capable of being a good parent. Rey silently hoped Leia might be able to offer her some advice, and that the reunion might ease her anxieties.

Rey stood before a mirror, Zala zipping up the back of Rey’s gown. She was in a long, flowey, white dress that made her look like some sort of Greek goddess. Rey’s eyes fell to her belly. Now that she had entered her second trimester, her once flat belly had rounded out, giving her a noticeable bump that made it all seem so real. She had quickly grown out of her usual attire and Ben insisted she get fitted for new clothes. Rey would much rather have lived out the rest of her pregnancy in nothing but Ben’s shirts (which Ben certainly wouldn’t have minded), but unfortunately, it was not appropriate for a future Empress to be wandering around, barely clothed.

Rey smoothed out the fabric of her dress over the bump. She silently reminded herself that this dress would be perfect for her and Ben’s wedding.

“Thank you, Zala.” Rey said as Zala finished zipping up her dress.

“Of course, Empress.” Zala replied.

“Call me Rey. Empress seems far too formal for me.” Rey insisted and Zala’s expression seemed to soften. Rey wasn’t sure she would ever get used to being called such a formal title, as if she were somehow superior to someone else. Technically, she wasn’t even an Empress yet, so Rey much preferred to be called by her name.

“Okay, Rey.” Zala responded happily, taking a step back so Rey could see herself in the mirror. Rey admired the finely crafted gown in the reflection and thanked Zala once again for her help.

“Do you happen to know where my ever elusive fiancé is?” Rey asked as she pulled her hair back into her usual buns.

“I am not sure. He might be in the garden.” Zala offered with an amused smile. Rey sighed. Ben had been out of sorts all week leading up to the conference. Rey finished her hair and thanked Zala, before leaving in search of Ben.

Ben was sat upon a long, stone bench in the garden, but seemed millions of miles away. He was hunched over, holding a small flower in his hands. He twisted it between his thumb and forefinger, pulling off every other petal and letting them fall to the ground. Rey watched him from the garden’s entrance with fondness. It was amusing to see such a large, intimidating man with such a small flower in his grasp. And he held it so gently!

Rey made her way over to her partner, who looked up from the flower at the sound of Rey’s footsteps in the gravel.

“You look nice.” Rey said with a smirk. Ben was in his usual uniform, contrasting Rey’s dress beautifully.

“As do you.” Ben replied, voice soft. Rey turned to sit beside Ben. She sighed and let her hand slide up Ben’s forearm, taking his hand in hers.

Ben seemed almost hesitant to take her hand, but did anyway. Ben let the stem of the small flower fall to the ground and squished it beneath his boot. He glanced over to Rey as the sun shined down upon them. She nearly sparkled from the light. Ben sighed and looked away, which made Rey’s heart ache, oddly.

“You seem so far away.” Rey said.

“I’m right here.” Ben adjusted his position to look at Rey. She squeezed his hand.

“Physically, yes. But your mind is miles away.” Rey mused. Ben sighed. She knew him too well. He didn’t speak.

“Stop thinking so loudly.” Rey teased, hoping she might break Ben out of this funk. Ben let out an amused huff at her.

“My sincerest apologies, Empress.” Ben replied. Rey’s expression brightened a bit at Ben’s playful reply and her cheeks turned pink.

“Are you worried about seeing her?” Rey asked after a beat of silence. She didn’t need to say who. Ben knew. He shrugged. Ben would be lying if he said he wasn’t incredibly nervous. After the party incident, it seemed as though the sea of darkness inside of him had less roaring waves and relentless tides. Ben silently hoped the darkness would subside, at least long enough for the conference to take place. Ben hadn’t seen his mother in ages, at least not truly. It had always been through a haze of anger and destruction. Now he would be able to see her clearly and she would see him too. And Ben was afraid his mother might not like what she saw.

“I don’t even know how to talk to her.” Ben admitted. How would he even begin to apologize for all the things he had done? To make up for all the wasted time? Rey let go of Ben’s hand so she could rub his back comfortingly.

“You don’t have to know. You just have to be willing to try.” Rey spoke soothingly, and Ben slowly nodded at her words. Ben sighed and turned to Rey with a sad smile.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know what I’ve ever done to be worthy of you.” Ben said, and Rey’s heart instantly melted. She tilted her head up and leaned in for a soft kiss, Ben’s arms wrapping gently around her. Rey held Ben’s face in her hands as the pulled apart, admiring him. She was still in awe of how much love she held for Ben. It was unlike any feeling she’d ever known and was seemingly endless. She cursed herself for ever trying to ignore that love. Her thumb caressed Ben’s cheek as she leaned in for another kiss. When they pulled away again, Ben had a big, goofy grin on his face that made Rey laugh.

“What?” Rey asked through her laughter.

“Nothing,” Ben smirked. “I just can’t keep my hands off of you lately.” Rey’s cheeks turned scarlet and she pulled away, teasingly.

“Then it might be in our best interest to save this for after the Resistance leaders arrive.” She replied with a smirk. She stood up from her seat, holding her hand out to Ben. He rolled his eyes at his fiancé, but took her hand anyway.

“Sounds like a great way to celebrate.”

Rey waited impatiently on the flight deck as ships began to land. Ben stood at Rey’s side, watching her in amusement. Although Ben had warned against waiting on the flight deck for the ships, Rey insisted on greeting everyone immediately. And now that Rey was nearly half way through her pregnancy, Ben found it hard to deny her of anything.

Ben was nervous, and for legitimate reasons.Ben wasn’t really worried about Finn or Poe or anyone trying anything. He knew he could handle a situation like that, but Ben’s real concern was seeing his mother. He hadn’t seen her in so long and now they would finally be face-to-face. Ben didn’t expect Leia to forgive him or to hug him or to even want to speak to him. But a part of Ben desperately hoped he might manage to find the right words so that he could truly tell her how sorry he was, even if she didn’t accept his apology. Ben couldn’t understand how Leia could ever even want to see him after all the things he had done. Ben was disgusted with himself. He once again found himself wondering if redemption was even possible for him, after everything he had done.

It wasn’t until he saw the Falcon begin to descend upon the flight deck that the situation really set in for him. Ben adjusted his posture and smoothed out his shirt, wanting to look his best.

“It will be fine. Just be yourself.” Rey soothed. Ben couldn’t help, but think he wasn’t too sure what being himself even meant anymore. He shook off the feeling and buried it in the back of his mind. Now was not the time to have an identity crisis. Ben cleared his throat, watching as people exited the Falcon. Rey watched too, anxious to see who all would be joining them for the conference. While Leia was the general, there were other leaders there too, and allies who would be arriving later in the day.Rey broke out into a smile as she saw Leia step off the ship, R2-D2 following along. How she had missed that adorable droid. Rey wanted to run and hug Leia, but tried her best to wait patiently. Ben let out a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding in as his eyes landed on his mother. Ben tried to push away the lump that was forming in his throat. He couldn’t believe it. It had been far too long since he had seen her. As Leia approached the couple, Rey took a few quick steps forward, pulling her into a hug that was warmly reciprocated.

“Thank you so much for coming. It has been so long.” Rey said, hugging Leia tight.

“Dear, you’re absolutely glowing! We’ve missed you terribly.” Leia replied. R2 hummed in agreement before wizzing right over to Ben. He made a loud, excited sound and Ben chuckled. He crouched down to the droid’s level.

“R2, it has been far too long. It is good to see you.” Ben greeted. He grew up with the droid. He really hadn’t seen him since he had left to live with Luke and…well, you know the rest.

Once the hug broke, Rey turned to Ben, watching him affectionately as he reconnected with the droid. Rey’s right hand rested on Leia’s shoulder, while the other laid on her belly. When Ben stood up to his full height, his expression softened at the sight of his mother. He wasn’t quite sure what to do. Ben cleared his throat.

“Hello, mother.” Ben greeted, his voice not as steady as he wanted it to be. Tears brimmed both Ben and Leia’s eyes, and she was quick to pull him into a hug.

“Oh, Ben.” Leia cooed, hugging her son for the first time in _years_. Rey stood by and watched with a fond expression, hoping she would not begin crying herself.

“Thank you so much for coming. We’ve really been looking forward to this.” Rey said earnestly to Leia and Leia nodded.

“Of course. This will be a new chapter for all of us. We can finally start to heal from the past and move forward.” Leia replied, before giving Ben a sad smile. Rey nodded and gave Leia another quick hug before leaving her and Ben to speak privately. Rey turned around quickly and nearly bumped into Poe.

“Woah, easy there, Empress.” Poe greeted fondly, grabbing Rey’s forearms to steady her. It melted Rey’s heart and she was quick to pull him into a hug. She felt so awful for not hugging her friends before they left the last time and, being as hormonal as she was, Rey really had to hug him now.

“I can’t believe you’re all here. Did the General let you pilot?” Rey asked.

“I’m afraid not. General Organa is still not too happy about our little ‘rescue mission’. And now she won’t let me and BB-8 take the X-Wing to blow shit up anymore.” Poe replied, nearly pouting.

“I can imagine you must be miserable.” Rey nodded with a sympathetic look. She looked around, seeing Chewie on his way over. She frowned, though, when she didn’t see Finn or Rose. Poe noticed Rey’s fallen expression and sighed.

“They’re coming, Finn is just being a bit of an ass right now.” Poe assured Rey, and she tried to understand. Things hadn’t exactly gone well the last time they spoke.

“Yeah…” She replied, trying not to get too emotional. “I really do appreciate you coming. Theres so much I’ve been wanting to tell you all and explain but it-“

“Hey, I get it. Top secret Jedi stuff.” Poe teased and Rey was thankful for his playful attitude. She knew Finn and Rose would be less than pleased with everything going on so it was nice to have someone who supported her, or at least tried to. Rey still somehow felt like she had let her friends down, and maybe she had. She couldn’t stop thinking about how angry Finn was the last time they spoke. His words still stung.

“How have you been? With the whole ‘baby growing inside you’ thing?” Poe asked and Rey nearly snorted.

“It’s been…interesting. It’s kind of like having a parasite, but this one is supposed to be cute.” Rey answered and Poe laughed, which made Rey laugh even harder. It was so nice to be able to joke with her friends again. Rey hadn’t made many friends with the First Order and she felt a little lonely at times. Of course she had Ben, but sometimes Rey just missed her friends.

Ben’s gaze flickered from his mother to Rey as he heard Rey’s heavenly laugh, and Leia smiled. “You really love her.” She said. It was not a question. She could see it in his eyes. Many years ago, Han had looked at her the same way. Leia silently hoped that Ben and Rey would last much longer that she and Han had. Ben turned his attention back to his mother and nodded.

“More than anything, and it terrifies me.” He admitted. Leia smiled sadly up at her son, who looked so much like his father. It wasn’t a topic she wanted to get into just yet, though.

“Love does that when it’s strong.” Leia replied and Ben smiled sadly at his mother. He paused for a moment, trying to find all the right words.

“I-I don’t expect you to ever forgive me for all the things I’ve done,” Ben croaked, a stray tear making its way down his face. “But I need to tell you I am so, so sorry, mom. I-“

Leia shook her head and hushed Ben. “I know,” She replied, pulling her son into her arms as they both cried. There was a beat of silence before she spoke. “If he were here now, he would forgive you, too.”

Ben shook as he tried to hold back the tears. He hugged his mother close. How could she ever know how much he needed to hear that? A few stray tears continued to make their way down Ben’s face, but were quickly wiped away.

“Thank you.” He breathed out as they pulled apart. It felt like a weight was slowly being lifted from him. While her words alone could not heal all the self-hatred that lied within Ben, they certainly were a start.

Rey could feel Ben’s surge of emotion through their bond and nearly began crying herself as she spoke with both Poe and Chewie. She was instantly soothed as Ben and Leia came over to join them, Ben’s hand coming to rest on the small of Rey’s back. Rey looked up at him and smiled softly. Just as Ben was about to suggest that they all head in, Rey saw Finn and Rose on their way over to them. Finn looked a mess, and Rey was suddenly thankful that the Knights of Ren were watching close by. She hoped neither Finn nor Ben would do anything stupid.

“Finally. Can we all head inside now?” Poe asked, as Finn approached. Poe was shot a very dirty look from the man and it was clear he was not in the mood to joke around. Before Rey could greet Rose and Finn, Ben interrupted.

“Of course.” Ben said, but Rey could feel Ben’s hand come to wrap around her protectively and nearly shuddered. Rey nodded and quickly turned to follow everyone inside. They had only just arrived, and Rey already wondered how they would be able to survive the week-long peace conference together.

Things were about as uncomfortable as you’d expect. Ben and Rey led the group to the guest area where they would be staying, letting everyone drop off their things.

“So what’s it like living here?” Were the first words Rose spoke to Rey, setting her bag down in the guest area. Rey was surprised at first, but composed herself.

“It’s…different. It’s harder to get to know people with all the masks.” Rey answered, and Rose smiled in amusement. Her expression quickly fell though. Rose glanced over at Finn to see he was still busy settling in. Rose walked up to Rey and spoke softly.

“Listen, I just wanted to apologize for everything that happened before. I shouldn’t have told Finn or Poe about the baby. That was your business to tell. We were all just really worried.” Rose explained and Rey’s expression softened.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You were doing what you thought was right.” Rey replied. Rose opened her arms up for a hug, and Rey was quick to accept, hugging her friend close.

“I’m sorry I’ve kept so much from you all.” Rey apologized once they pulled apart. Rose shook her head.

“I trust you Rey. You were just looking out for us,” Rose replied. She glanced over at Finn again before looking back to Rey. “I’m sorry he’s been such a jerk…He just doesn’t understand it all.”

“I know.” Rey replied. What else could she do? She sighed. Finn was one of her closest friends and she needed his support now more than ever. Rey wished he would at least try to understand.

“It will be alright. He can’t stay angry forever.” Rose soothed and Rey thanked Rose with another hug.

Rose eventually went back to settling in with the rest of the group, and Rey and Ben decided it might be best to give everyone some space to recuperate from the long journey.

Rey and Ben walked side by side down the long hallways of the base, Ben’s pinky interlocking with Rey’s.

“ _Stop thinking so loudly_.” Ben teased Rey, reminding her of what she had said to him earlier that day. Rey sighed and rolled her eyes. Ben’s amusement faded when he realized Rey was not smiling.

“Are you doing alright?” He asked Rey. Ben knew he could pry her mind for the answers, but was reluctant to invade her privacy in that way.

“Just…Overwhelmed.” Rey answered as the walked back to their quarters.

“Thats understandable, especially after everything that happened last time you saw them.” Ben assured. They were both quick to change out of their formal attire and into more comfortable clothing. Rey snagged one of Ben’s undershirts and tossed herself onto the bed.

“Growing a child is exhausting.” Rey nearly whined, rubbing her belly. She felt herself slowly breaking down. She held in so much emotion and stress, and like a volcano she would soon erupt. Ben walked over to Rey and sat at her side. His hand came to rest on top of Rey’s. Rey let out a shaky sigh, trying to hold back the tears that she knew were soon to come. Ben could feel her frustration and gestured for Rey to come sit in his lap, which she did. Ben’s arms held her to his chest, trying to give her all the support he could. Being pregnant was incredibly stressful for Rey and with everything going on, it was amazing she even had the energy to get up each day. She had been pushing herself a lot harder than she really should have been, trying to work herself just as much as she had back with the Resistance.. Rey sighed.

“I’m so tired.” She murmured. Ben hummed softly, undoing the buns in Rey’s hair. Once her hair was down, Ben ran his fingers through it just like Rey liked.

“You don’t need to push yourself so hard all the time. You’re growing an entire human being inside you. Don’t expect so much of yourself.” Ben soothed. And Rey knew he was right. She had grown so used to expecting far too much of herself. Rey let a few tears of relief fall from her eyes. Ben held Rey gently, running a hand up and down her back.

“Lay with me?” Rey sniffled, looking up at Ben from her position in his arms. Ben nodded and the couple silently parted, laying by each other in bed. Their legs intertwined almost on their own accord and Rey relaxed as Ben’s arms held her just as gently as he had held that flower in the garden. Rey let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding in. She looked up at her fiancé, nose brushing nose.

“Thank you.” She breathed against Ben’s lips. She closed the gap with a kiss of gratitude. Pulling away, she nudged her nose against Ben’s, earning an amused huff from her partner. Rey let her left hand rest against Ben’s cheek, admiring him just as she used to in the beginning, when they first laid together. Ben let out a soft sigh, looking so peaceful.

“Just when I think I love you as much as a person is able, I always find myself loving you even more.” Ben said softly. His hands rested on Rey’s hips, his thumb caressing her growing belly. Rey’s heart leaped at Ben’s words and she leaned in for another soft kiss.

“I love you too. _All_ of you,” Rey assured. She knew Ben was still battling the darkness inside him. It was a difficult balance to find, and Rey knew that just as well as Ben did. Rey looked over all the freckles and marks on Ben’s skin before her gaze flickered back up to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to be someone else for me to love you.”

Ben felt a tug at his heart from Rey’s words. He needed to hear that. Ben smiled softly at his fiancé before nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck, earning a few laughs.

“That tickles.” Rey laughed. Ben smiled against her skin and eventually pulled back to gaze at her again.

“I cannot wait to marry you.” Ben murmured, tucking some stray waves behind Rey’s ear. Rey blushed at Ben’s words.

“I can’t either,” Rey hummed. She took a moment, fiddling with the beautiful ring on her hand. “Perhaps we could have our private wedding while your mother is still here. While my friends are here.” Rey suggested. Ben beamed at Rey and peppered her face in soft kisses.

“My wife is a genius.” He said against her skin.

“ _Future_ wife.”

Rey and Ben laid together and spoke for hours. Dinner had been sent to them and the rebels as they all relaxed from the exciting day. Rey eventually fell into a dreamless sleep, laying in Ben’s arms. She had been exhausted, both emotionally and physically from everything leading up to the conference. At some point in the night, Rey awoke and found herself unable to get back to sleep. She groaned. Ben was still fast asleep beside her, and Rey had no desire to wake him. Rey climbed out of bed and grabbed her robe, wrapping it around herself. She needed to walk.

Rey found herself where she usually did on nights like this. The garden. Rey quietly stepped outside, arms wrapped around herself and holding the robe close. The garden was dimly lit by small lights and the occasional firefly. Rey loved it out there. The garden had become her safe place there. She would go to the garden to read, to think, to distract herself from everything. It was perfect. Rey found her usual spot on the stone bench and looked up at the sky. It was beautiful that night. It was as if she were drawn out of her sleep entirely for the purpose of admiring the night sky.

Rey wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting out there before she heard the door to the garden open and found Leia standing outside with her. Rey was jolted by surprise, but smiled when she saw it was Leia out there with her.

“What are you doing out here?” Rey asked quietly. Leia smiled and shrugged, walking over to the future Empress.

“I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know I’d find anyone else out here.” Leia answered. Rey scooted over on the bench and patted the seat beside her for Leia to sit. Leia sat beside Rey and nodded in thanks.

“Thank you again for coming all this way.” Rey said.

“Of course. It isn’t every day that you get invited to a war ending conference.”

Rey smiled at Leia’s words. She thought for a moment before speaking. “He’s missed you.” Rey said. And Leia sighed with a sad smile.

“I’ve missed him, too,” Leia replied, staring up at the night sky. Her gaze turned back to Rey as she spoke. “You’ve brought back my son, Rey. I don’t know how to thank you.” Rey could hear her voice begin to crack and pulled Leia into a hug.

“He was there all along,” Rey said gently as they hugged. “He helped me find myself. And we still have a lot to work on…” Rey could hardly accept Leia’s words. She was not solely responsible for turning Ben. She just gave him the love he always needed, and Rey didn’t feel like that was something world altering. She couldn’t _not_ love him. Leia pulled away and shook her head.

“You’ve done more to help him than you know.” Leia countered. Rey sighed and gave a soft smile. She looked away, back at the fireflies that danced around them. Rey let her hand rest on her growing tummy absentmindedly.

“How is the little one?” Leia asked, noticing Rey’s hand on her belly. Rey immediately broke out into a smile.

“They’re doing very well. We will find out the sex at our next appointment.” Rey answered, and Leia beamed at her.

“That’s very exciting,” Leia said. She watched Rey carefully before speaking again. “Are you scared?” She asked. Rey nearly froze. How unfair was it that Leia could see through her so easily?! Rey sighed and nodded.

“I have no idea what I am doing.” She answered honestly. Leia gave Rey a sad smile.

“Can I tell you something?” Leia asked, and Rey nodded. “No one does.” She smiled fondly at Rey, remembering how lost and confused she had been when she was pregnant with Ben.

“Really?” Rey’s voice was so soft as she looked over to Leia.

“Yes. You can read every study and research all you want, but no one ever truly knows how to be a good parent,” Leia ran a comforting hand up and down Rey’s back. Rey wondered if that’s where Ben learned to do that. He always seemed to rub her back when she was upset.“You will get frustrated, you will make mistakes, Force knows I did,” Leia continued. She sighed before speaking again. “You don’t need to know what you’re doing to be a great parent, Rey. You need to love, to protect, to be patient even when that seems impossible,” Rey nodded as Leia spoke. “You will be a great mother, Rey. Do not doubt yourself.”

Rey let a few stray tears fall down her cheeks and wiped them away, before pulling Leia into another hug.

“Thank you.” She whispered. When they pulled away, Rey saw Leia with tears of her own. Rey gave her a sympathetic smile and shook her head, wiping away all the tears. There was a pause as they both wiped their teary eyes.

“Ben and I were planning on having a private wedding before you all leave,” Rey spoke, as they both tried to pull themselves together. “It would mean the world if you could come.”

“Of course, Rey.” Leia answered, almost laughing. How could she miss it? Rey gave Leia another hug before standing from the bench.

“Thank you. I should probably get back to bed before Ben sends someone after me.” Rey said with a laugh. Leia nodded with an amused smile.

“Goodnight, Rey.” Leia said.

“Goodnight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER WAS SO HARD TO WRITE IDK WHY IM SORRY!  
> pls lemme know what you think and what you’d like to see in this fic! I still have a lot of top secret things planned. Some of u might h8 me for it tho and I’m sorry ;-;


	17. Breaking Points

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey speaks with Finn. The Conference starts. Sinful things happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY YOU GUYS!! So sorry for the wait on this chapter. I just moved out on my own to the dorms. It’s been super weird bc I live in America and covid-19 is still a huge concern so I’ve been busy cleaning, learning my schedule for classes, and trying not to lose my mind. ALSO I HAVE AN IDEA FOR ANOTHER FIC BUT IDK WHETHER TO START IT NOW OR AFTER THIS ONE IS DONE??? ILL TALK ABOUT IT IN THE END NOTES ILY ENJOY

Sitting at the conference table, Rey realized she felt a million times better after talking with Ben and Leia the night before. Or at least she thought she did, till she saw Finn glance at her from across the table. Rey felt her stomach filling up with dread. She would need to speak with him eventually, as she did still want him to come to the wedding, but she just wasn’t sure how to have that conversation with him. Things had been so uncomfortably tense.

Ben was sat beside Rey and noticed how Finn had been glaring at him since the moment he sat down. Ben let a possessive hand come to rest on Rey’s thigh as everyone found their seats. Ben was in his usual uniform once again and Rey was in a very flattering pantsuit that highlighted her belly perfectly. It was all cream colored and it was all Ben could do not to press her up against the wall right then and there. She had a way of making everything she wore look absolutely delectable. She seemed to be getting more and more beautiful to Ben with every passing moment. It seemed impossible to love her as much as he did. Ben was not aware that he was capable of feeling so deeply for someone.

Rey placed her hand over Ben’s and squeezed it, trying to comfort him. Ben had tolerated more than a few nasty looks from her friends and she knew it wasn’t easy for Ben to just brush it off. He did so much to make her happy, to make her comfortable. Rey couldn’t understand how no one else could see him as she did.Rey pressed a quick kiss to Ben’s cheek when she realized no one was looking. Her face was quickly dusted in a light shade of pink and Ben’s lips curled into a smirk.

Everyone eventually found a seat, aside from Hux who stood by the door with his data tablet so he could take notes from their meeting. Ben cleared his throat, sitting a bit straighter in his seat. A smirk ghosted Rey’s lips, remembering that her seat was usually in Ben’s lap. Ben must have heard her thoughts because his cheeks quickly went pink.

“Thank you all for coming. I know the journey wasn’t easy and I appreciate you coming all this way to finally put an end to this war. This has been a long time coming.” Rey spoke smoothly, Ben still a bit flustered by Rey’s thoughts.

“It’s our pleasure. The invitation certainly came as a surprise to us, but I think I speak for us all when I say that we are more than happy to see this war come to an end.” Leia replied. Rey glanced over to Finn, who seemed less than excited. It irked her. They were ending a _war_. Couldn’t he get over his own distaste for Ben just for a moment?

“Do you disagree, Finn?” Rey asked with a sudden burst of annoyance and confidence. She sat up in her seat, looking over at her friend. Finn lifted his head at the mention of his name.

“I’m just interested in this sudden change of heart from your ‘Supreme Leader’.” Finn answered. His voice was cold and he seemed nothing like his usual self. Rey was about to snap at him when Ben interrupted.

“Didn’t you experience a very similar change of heart when you left for the Resistance?” Ben countered. His tone was cool and collected, though on the inside he was raging. Finn opened his mouth to speak, but was at a loss for words. He shut his mouth and looked away.

“Gonna need some ice for that burn.” Poe commented, earning him an unamused glance from Leia.

“Listen, I think we’re all tired of fighting. This war is exhausting and serves only to further divide this galaxy. So if you could stop bickering,” Rey spoke, and glared at Finn. “We can work on forming a new Republic.” Rey’s words earned a few nods and she let out a breath she wasn’t aware she had been holding in. Leia had an almost proud look in her eye before she spoke.

“On that note, I think we should get started.”

The first meeting went well. Both sides obviously agreed that the war needed to end, and that the First Order had the supplies and contacts to help transition the galaxy easily once the war was over. Everyone was reluctant to hand over all the power to a central government, especially after everything that happened with Palpatine. Ben and Rey worked incredibly well together and it was decided that they would help keep the balance between both the Resistance and the First Order. Rey still felt that it was important, though, that each planet in the Republic elect two individuals to represent their people so that no one went unheard from. While there was some disagreement on how those representatives would be selected, the rest of the conference was surprisingly free of conflict. The group eventually decided to table the conversation so everyone could get lunch. Ben offered to get Rey her food, letting her stay in the conference room to finish writing down some notes. Rey had been under the impression that she was alone in the room, until she saw Finn approaching her from the corner of her eye. She internally swore at herself as she finished writing her sentence, lifting her gaze from the paper to the man beside her.

“I don’t have the energy to fight with you right now.” Rey said. She leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. Finn let out an amused huff as he took the seat next to Rey. Her eyes flickered over him cautiously.

“I’m not here to fight.”

“Then what _are_ you here for?” Rey countered, looking less than amused. Finn had really hurt her. He had been cold and hateful, so unlike the man she had come to call her friend that she could hardly stand it. Rey was in dire need of support from her friends. She was in a difficult situation, being both pregnant and now having to assume such an important role in the galaxy. After all that she had given up, she had hoped her friends might be able to at least try to understand and empathize with her. Rey had always been so selfless and it just seemed that her friends always needed more than she could give, though she would still try. It was exhausting. For once in her life, Rey just wanted to not be the only one who was trying.

“I’m here to talk,” Finn replied, voice softening a bit. He looked at Rey with a caring expression and Rey had to look away, back down at her notes. Finn sighed. “You’re still my friend.”

Rey scoffed. “You certainly don’t act like I am.”

“Well, you’ve put us in a difficult situation, Rey.”

“ _I_ put _you_ in a difficult situation?” Rey turned to face him, dumbstruck that he could even believe that enough to say it. “Finn, I have sacrificed endlessly for the Resistance. I have given up relationships, power, energy, happiness, and now that I finally dare to ask you to support me, you act like I am dirt.” Rey could feel the tears brimming her eyes and blinked them away.

“You slept with the enemy. _Literally_ , Rey. And now all of us have to sit back and pretend like he didn’t kill Han.” Finn spit back. Rey’s stomach churned at his words and the image of Han’s death forced its way into her mind. Rey flinched, shaking her head at the memory.

“Who I sleep with is none of your concern,” Rey’s tone was cold as she forced herself to swallow her own emotions. “I’m not asking anyone to forget what happened to Han, and I don’t expect anyone to forgive those actions. I’m just asking for you to trust me. I wouldn’t be engaged to Ben if I thought that he was beyond redemption.” Rey added. Ben’s concern reverberated through their bond and Rey tried her best to pretend she was okay. She didn’t want Finn and Ben fighting. Finn let out a frustrated sigh, abruptly pushing his chair away from the table. He looked down at Rey.

“Fine. I’ll keep my mouth shut, and I’ll attend the wedding, and I’ll play pretend,” He said. “But you and I both know what monstrous things he is capable of. And you know he will do it again.” Finn left the conference room and Rey felt a shiver run up her spine. Finn’s words were haunting, almost like a veiled threat. Rey’s stomach turned at his words and she slumped in her seat. Her hand sat protectively on her belly. She tried to shake off Finn’s words and focused on finishing her notes. He was wrong, Rey reminded herself. Ben wasn’t like that. Yes, there was darkness in him, but that didn’t make him an evil person. Rey threw herself back into her work as she always did, and found herself desperately hoping she was making the right choice.

Ben found his way back to the conference room shortly after Finn left. Rey’s emotion hung heavy in the air, like rain after a storm. There was no ignoring her frustration and disappointment. Ben offered Rey some of her favorite fruits on a small plate, sitting beside her. No one knew Ben as well as she did, and the same went for Rey. She was thankful that he didn’t need to ask her what was wrong. He knew. It was almost haunting how easily the couple could communicate without any words at all. With just a glance, Ben knew when Rey was displeased by something someone said and Ben was much the same. Rey knew his body language well and it was easy for her to see when he was growing angry or when he was loosing his patience.

“I hope this doesn’t take the whole week.” Rey said, turning her attention back to her notes and biting into a berry.

“I don’t think it will. With the rate we are going at, it should only take a few days to hammer out the details.” Ben assured. He rested a hand on Rey’s thigh, looking over her notes with her. Rey sighed and set her pen down. She held her head in her hands, trying to quell her on-coming headache. Ben felt her frustration, but tried to remain calm for her sake. She didn’t need him to go and blow up on Finn. She needed Ben to be her fiancé and to support her. He thought for a moment, trying to find some way to ease her stress.

“You know, the weather is supposed to be nice by mid-week. Nice enough for an outdoor wedding.” He pointed out. Rey lifted her head from her hands with a ghost of a smile on her lips.

“So we could be married by the end of this week?” Rey asked. They had spoken about having their private ceremony while Leia and her friends were still there, but she hadn’t been entirely sure it would happen. Ben nodded.

“I can pull a few strings, if you’re ready to be married to me.” Ben answered. He did all he could to guard his heart from the idea that Rey might _not_ be ready to get married to him. Of course, she had agreed, but maybe that was for the sake of uniting the Resistance and the First Order. Even though Ben could feel her love for him, sometimes it was just too hard to believe.

“I never thought you and I would end up having such a traditional relationship,” Rey admitted. While Ben had asked her to rule with him, Rey had been hesitant to believe that Ben would ever want to be a doting husband to her. It seemed though, as she got further into her pregnancy, that Ben was proving to be a wonderful provider and future husband. “But I am more than ready to be your wife.”

Ben tried his best to remain composed, although his heart was erupting with love for Rey. He took Rey’s hand in his and pressed a kiss to it gently. Rey flushed and beamed back at Ben.

Rey never felt like she belonged. Not in the Resistance, not the First Order, not when she was a scavenger either, but now that she stood at Ben’s side, Rey finally felt like she was where she was meant to be. Ben made her feel safe, understood. He knew her completely just as she knew him and Rey was just so completely in love with him. Rey always saw his light, but now Ben was able to outwardly express it with her help. Rey felt like all the fighting, all the arguing finally meant something. They were finding balance together. Ben tilted Rey’s chin up towards him, before leaning in and giving her a gentle kiss. It felt good to know he could provide Rey with some relief given their current situation. He hated to see her upset.

Rey held Ben’s hand beneath the table as everyone began to file in once again. She tried her best to hold her feelings in, not wanting to make a scene. She was still very frustrated with Finn. Ben had done a lot to sooth her, but she was still hurting and pretty damn hormonal. Rey could hardly look at her friend, knowing it would only irritate her further. Ben pressed a chaste kiss to Rey’s temple, squeezing her hand gently. Rey squeezed back and looked over to Ben as if to say, “thank you.”

Rey wanted to escape, wanted to forget all of her problems long enough to feel some relief. She hardly had any energy these days now that she was pregnant. It was as if her body was no longer her own. Part of her felt guilty. Lately, she and Ben hardly had any time to be intimate and when they did have the time, Rey was far too tired. Ben had been incredibly patient and understanding of their circumstances and didn’t hold any of that against his beautiful fiancé. Of course he missed being intimate with her, but he never pushed her or asked for more that Rey was willing to give. She was carrying their child and that was more than enough for him. While Ben was content to wait for Rey, she was getting antsy. With all the emotion she had been holding in, she needed a release and Ben was the one who needed to give it to her. Rey’s gaze flickered from her notes and up to Ben, who was looking back at her. Rey sent all her desire for him through their bond and smirked, watching Ben’s cheeks turn a soft pink. Ben cleared his throat and gave Rey a look of warning. Rey’s eyes glimmered with amusement. She always enjoyed making Ben blush. It happened rarely, but when it did, Rey took great pleasure in knowing she could make such a powerful man so weak for her.

Rey was able to contribute quite a bit to the conference, reading the notes she had made and sharing her perspective. She did her best to keep her emotions at a simmer, wanting to get through the meeting without a fuss. Rey was still obviously upset, but she refused to let her emotions get in the way of fixing things with the Resistance. She was still pretty upset about Finn. He was her friend and he was supposed to be there to support her, but Rey was starting to wonder if he was really her friend at all. She loved Ben and he loved her. Why wasn’t that enough for people? Rey was not naive. She knew it would be difficult from the beginning if she were ever to enter into a relationship with Ben, but she had hoped her friends would at least try to be accepting, for her sake at least. She wished she could make everyone see Ben the way she did.

“I just think this transition may take more time than we all expect.” Rey was suddenly drawn from her thoughts, hearing General Organa speak.

“Perhaps we should find people who can help layout the ground work, who specialize in different fields like healthcare and social work.” Ben offered. Rey nodded in agreement. She could only speak from her own experience and knew they would need people with more insight into other fields that she and Ben did not have.

“If we gather people from both sides, I’m sure they can help us find common ground so we can help rebuild.” Rey added.

“I can reach out to some contacts.” Poe offered.

“As can I.” Said Leia.

“Good. Then tomorrow we can plan on signing a cease fire and drafting our plan for the future.” Rey replied. Everyone nodded in agreement and eventually the meeting was dismissed. Rey collected her notes as everyone filed out of the room. Ben was busy with Hux and the data tablet, planning the Resistance soldier’s integration with the First Order. Rey sighed, waiting at the door for her fiancé. She was restless and wanting, needing attention from her lover. Their lack of intimate moments had them both on edge. Rey and Ben had been so focused on their wedding and planning for the conference that they rarely had time for each other, and when they did it was clear they were both holding back. After Ben’s outburst at the party, Ben had been somewhat withdrawn, afraid he might come apart again. It was a difficult balance between the dark and the light for him. He wanted desperately to be the Ben Solo that Rey imagined, too afraid to let her down. It was stressful. But tonight Rey wanted him. All of him.

“Master Ren.” The words were like pure sex coming out of Rey’s mouth, making Ben’s gaze shoot up from the data tablet to his beautiful fiancé instantly. Rey nudged her head towards the direction of the door with a confident look in her eyes. Ben’s eyes went dark, quickly excusing himself and thanking Hux. He followed Rey like a man possessed, out of the room and down the corridor to their quarters. Rey smiled mischievously to herself, pulling Ben into their room by his top.

He was on her in an instant, hands gripping her thighs and lifting her up against the wall. Rey’s hands were quick to find purchase on his shoulders, kissing him slowly and deeply. It had been far too long. Ben’s fingers dug into the tender flesh of Rey’s thighs, taking in every part of her. She was always beautiful to him, and grew even more so as they fell further for each other. Ben could not get enough of her. She was an oasis in the desert he was lost in. All he wanted was Rey, Rey, endlessly Rey.

“You know how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of you when you look like this?” Ben’s words were breathed out against the warm skin of Rey’s neck. Rey gasped as Ben’s teeth grazed the skin of her collar bone, before sinking in and surely leaving their mark.

“Gods, Ben, then _take me_.” Rey pleaded, her fingers weaving their way into Ben’s hair as he pressed sloppy kisses along her neck. Ben groaned and Rey tugged at the locks of hair in her grasp. Ben carried Rey to their bed, laying her on her back. His lips did not part from hers as he fumbled with the buttons of Rey’s blouse. It was eventually left in a heap on the floor for them to take care of later. Right now it was only them.

Rey nearly whined as Ben’s hands came to cup her breasts. His thumb grazed her budding flesh, sending chills all over Rey. She tugged at his uniform, urging it off his chest. Ben made quick work of his uniform, stripping down to just his trousers. Rey sat up on her forearms as Ben undressed before reaching out and grasping his belt buckle to pull him closer. Rey undid the buckle and looked up at Ben through fluttering lashes. He could barely handle the sight. Ben pulled down his trousers and followed Rey into bed. Rey’s pants were quickly undone and Ben tossed them unceremoniously onto the floor. Rey pulled Ben close, desperate to reconnect their lips. Ben’s hands ran up Rey’s sides, relishing the warmth she gave off. The Force was alive with their desire for one another. Ben tried his best to be gentle, although deep inside he knew he wanted to absolutely ruin the woman laying beneath him. Rey’s hands went back to their home in Ben’s hair as they kissed slowly. Rey noticed a shift in the mood as Ben became more and more reluctant to initiate contact between them. She whined, bucking up into all he was willing to give her.

“Please, Ben. I want..“ Her words were scrambled and barely sensible as she begged for all he could give her. Ben nearly fell apart at her words.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” He admitted, trying to keep ahold of himself. Rey’s eyes fluttered open at Ben’s words. Her hands fell from his hair to cup his head in her hands. Rey’s thumb caressed Ben’s cheek bone as she looked deeply into her lover’s eyes.

“You _won’t_ ,” She promised. Rey trusted Ben and knew him better than anyone in the galaxy. She could sense his disbelief and sighed. “ _Let go_ , Ben. I can take it.” She urged. They both had been trying so hard to hold everything in, to be the people the galaxy needed them to be, but in the privacy of their bedroom, Rey wanted to see Ben as he truly was. No more hiding.

Ben let out a sigh. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Ben shifted in their bed, adjusting his position so that he could hover above Rey. Her legs parted, making space for his much larger frame in-between them.Rey watched Ben carefully as he pressed a wet kiss to her inner thigh. She watched his eyes darken at the sight in front of him. Rey noticed Ben’s demeanor change before climbing on top of her. He leaned in to kiss her slowly and let a hand fall in the space between them. He wasted no time letting his hand grasp Rey’s hips and thighs. She was so soft, so innocent. Ben let his index and middle finger pull back Rey’s underwear before dipping into the wet heat she provided, not bothering to be gentle. One of Rey’s hands quickly came to hold onto his wrist as Ben’s fingers explored her most sensitive parts. Rey’s breath hitched and she had to remind herself to breathe. Ben greedily drank up Rey’s soft whimpers and moans as they left her lips on their own accord. Rey’s eyes were screwed shut as Ben’s ministrations continued.

“You’re already so wet for me.” Rey could hear the smirk in Ben’s voice. She nodded, a bit embarrassed by how badly she wanted him.

“Use your words.” It was almost an order, coming from Ben’s lips. Rey’s eyes fluttered open. She was so pure and innocent, lips parted from Ben’s ministrations. Rey was almost embarrassed to make eye contact with Ben while he touched her like that. She couldn’t hide, eyes rolling back as Ben’s fingers delved deeply into her.

“Yes, Ben.” She admitted, breath hitching once again. It was sinful how easily she came undone for him, and how much more of her he wanted. Rey bit her lip in a vain attempt to keep quiet, but Ben would have none of that. Ben pulled his hand away, making Rey whine in response. He smirked at how helpless she seemed under him. Ben pulled away to sit on his knees.

“I wanna hear you moan for me. I don’t want a single man in this place to question who you belong to.” Ben growled, tugging off his boxers and freeing his erection. Rey reached out to take all that Ben would give her. He sat on his knees between her thighs. Ben held Rey’s hip with one hand and his member in the other, brushing against her entrance.

“Do you think you can take it, Empress?” He taunted. Rey felt a rush of warmth from his words that went straight to her aching entrance.

“Please, Ben.” She begged. Rey was nearly crying from the overstimulation. It was so overwhelming, how his Force signature completely enveloped her. Everything was _him._ He was so _much_ and Rey could hardly take it any longer. She felt suffocated by her desire and need to please him.

Ben wasted no time, shoving his entire length deep inside Rey all at once. The noise that left Rey’s lips was a mix of a cry and a moan. Her hands gripped the sheets beneath her as her body tried to adjust to the feeling of him inside her. Rey had never felt so full, full of his child, full of his cock. A single, hot tear rolled down the side of Rey’s face, not of pain but of relief. She and Ben were so close to their breaking points and now they could finally get some release.

A stutter of a moan left Ben’s lips. His jaw went slack and his head lulled back, relishing the pleasure he felt inside Rey. Ben leaned down to hover above Rey, wanting to watch her as they fucked. Rey caught Ben’s lips in a deep kiss, her hands digging into Ben’s arms. Ben was not gentle as he thrusted in and out of Rey. His hands left bruises all over Rey’s hips and thighs that would certainly be visible by morning light.

“You’re so beautiful like this, so full of me. And you like to take it, don’t you Rey? You know who you belong to?” Ben asked, lifting her legs to delve even deeper into her.

“Y-Yours, all yours.” Rey stuttered. She could feel him, deep inside her and almost in her belly. He was in the air around her and made his way into her lungs. Rey held on tightly to her fistfuls of sheets, taking it all. Ben thrusted into her yet again, rocking their bed against the wall. A hand reached between them, coming to rest on Rey’s throat like a collar. He didn’t press down and only applied enough pressure to fully grasp her throat. Ben looked Rey in the eyes, watching her come undone beneath him. Ben changed the pace, taking back his hand from Rey’s neck to help Rey meet him thrust for thrust. His hands left an imprint on her freckled skin. When Ben looked up from the placement of his hands, back to Rey’s face he noticed a tsunami of tears leaving his fiancé’s eyes. Ben’s expression quickly changed from one of lustful possession, to one of immense concern. He pulled out of her, pulling Rey into his arms easily.

“Shit, shit. Are you okay?” He asked desperately. This is what he was afraid of. He knew he’d go too far, that he’d end up hurting her.

“Yes, God Yes, Ben. I just-“ Rey was a bit choked up with emotion. There had been so much that they both held back over the past few weeks. Both Ben and Rey struggled daily with the darkest parts of themselves, but together they could begin to heal. “Make love to me, Ben. Please.” Rey answered. Ben wiped away Rey’s tears with his thumbs and watched her cautiously. Rey’s hands rose to hold Ben’s wrists, squeezing with assurance.

“Are you sure?” Ben asked. He had been being particularly rough with her. He didn’t want to hurt Rey or make her uncomfortable.

“ _Yes_ , Ben.” Rey urged, nearly whining. Ben was hesitant, but the look in Rey’s eyes was fierce. Her Force signature forced Ben to take a deep breath, soothing him instantly. Rey still wanted him, she was just overwhelmed. Ben nuzzled Rey’s cheek with his nose, adjusting his position so he could push back inside of her. He completely removed her underwear at this point, wanting them both to be completely naked with each other. Rey’s mouth fell agape as Ben entered into her again. She held her breath, letting out a gasp as he settled inside her again. Ben pressed soft, messy kisses to Rey’s neck and shoulder, wanting to show her just how loved she was. One hand held Rey’s waist, the thumb making soothing circles on her growingbelly. Her hair was a mess, falling from her usual updo and sticking to her forehead from sweat, but Ben thought she looked absolutely beautiful.

“Force, you’re positively ethereal, Rey.” Ben breathed out. He waited before starting up a slow pace for the two of them. Rey looked up at Ben through half-lided eyes. Ben was always incredibly complimentary of her appearance and Rey was constantly amazed by how he would outwardly show his affection for Rey. It was nice to be able to publicly display terms of endearment and affection after hiding their relationship for so long. Rey’s hands ran down Ben’s shoulders and back, fingers digging into the skin.

“I want you, I need you. All of you.” The words left Rey’s mouth with little thought, her mind such a mess of all things Ben Solo. She needed him.

“You have me.” Ben promised in a soft tone. Rey felt something ache in her heart at that promise. She knew she could never leave him. Her hands pulled him close, always begging for more. She and Ben were one in the Force, hearing each others every thought, every emotion, every worry.

“And you have me. I’m not going anywhere.” She assured Ben. Rey felt his silent worries, silencing them all at once so that all either one of them could think about was each other. Ben’s heart nearly melted at Rey’s words. He kissed her slowly and gently, before speeding up his pace. Rey let a breathy moan slip from her lips. She had been on the edge of orgasm for a while now, and Ben’s change in pace was about to push her over. Ben buried his face into the crook of Rey’s neck, thrusting in and out of her.

“Ben, I’m so close.” She whined. Ben sped up, feeling Rey bare down on him. Ben’s eyes rolled back as Rey tightened around him. Ben moved his hand from her hip to her clit, massaging it as Rey let out a breathy moan. Ben watched Rey’s face closely, wanting to see her fall apart for him. It didn’t take much longer before Rey cried out, head falling back against the pillow. Her legs were trembling from the shear force of her orgasm. Ben followed closely behind Rey, burying himself deep inside her when he came, with a groan of relief.

In the aftermath of their intense orgasms, Rey and Ben laid naked in each other’s arms. Ben’s hands skimmed over Rey’s belly, admiring how her body had begun to change. It was beautiful to see proof of the life they had created, growing inside her. Ben’s hand came up to caress Rey’s cheek. He leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. The Force had gone quiet for the time being, allowing Ben and Rey to simply enjoy each others company. Rey smiled, her nose brushing Ben’s.

“That was nice.” She commented. Ben gave a hum of agreement, an amused smile on his face. He shifted, pulling the blankets up and around them. Rey snuggled up to Ben, her lashes tickling his bare skin. Ben held Rey to his chest and wrapped his arms around her securely.

“How is the baby?” Ben asked softly. He and Rey had been so caught up in their work that they rarely had time to be so intimate, not only sexually but emotionally.

“Good. Growing, as babies do,” Rey answered. “We have an appointment coming up to find out the sex.” Ben hummed and buried his face into the crook of Rey’s neck. One hand left her back to rest on her belly again. It wasn’t like Ben to be so soft, but with a child on the way and his fiancé in his arms, he couldn’t help it.

“I hope they look like you.” Rey added, interrupting Ben’s thoughts. Rey’s fingers combed through Ben’s hair while she soaked up all the attention he could give her. He smiled against her skin.

“I hope they have your heart.” Ben countered and Rey softened. Ben pulled his face from the crook of Rey’s neck to look her in the eyes. Rey was so deeply in love with the man laying beside her, that her eyes nearly teared up. Ben was always so much better with words than she was.

“I can’t wait to marry you.” Rey murmured, hands cupping Ben’s cheeks, pulling him close for a kiss.

Ben kissed back gently, sending all of his love to the girl in his arms. Rey sighed as they pulled apart. Ben was left with a small smile on his lips, gazing at Rey. She pressed another quick kiss to his lips, as if she couldn’t help herself. She pulled away, gently.

“I’m freezing. Let me put some panties on at least.” Rey laughed, as Ben tried to pull her close again. Ben sighed dramatically and reluctantly let Rey go with an amused smile on his face. His smile fell though, when Rey stood up. Ben could see bruised and marks all over her. Ben was surprised, stunned really. He had barely been aware of how rough he was with her. Ben looked Rey over while she changed into her nightgown, noticing the bruises he left on her hips. Rey sensed the shift in mood through their bond, and walked over to Ben. He had sat up on the edge of the bed, watching her. Rey walked over to him, positioning herself in-between his legs. Ben didn’t look up and Rey tilted his chin up to meet her worried eyes.

“I hurt you.” Ben murmured, eyes glossed over. Rey shook her head. She was sore, certainly, but not in agony.

“You did not, Ben.” Rey replied. Yes, he had been a bit rough, but she liked it and she had no regrets. She and Ben both needed to get it out of their systems.

“I could have hurt the baby.” Ben said, as if he hadn’t heard Rey’s words. The very thought that he could have caused any harm to their child tore Ben apart inside. Rey felt Ben begin to spiral, but held his head in her hands.

“Ben, I am fine, _we_ are fine.” One hand strayed from Ben’s face to take his hand, placing in on her belly.

“You have done nothing wrong. If I was in pain, I would tell you.” She tucked a stray curl behind Ben’s ear and he gently pressed a kiss to her tummy. Rey’s heart melted and Ben pressed his cheek against her bump.

“I’m so afraid of losing you. Both of you.” He admitted, words muffled by Rey’s skin.

“We aren’t going anywhere,” Rey promised for the second time that evening. She ran her fingers through Ben’s hair calmingly, hoping to put him at ease. “I wouldn’t be here if I thought you would ever do anything to harm me or our baby.”

Ben sighed and pulled away, looking up at Rey with sad eyes. Rey’s heart fell in her chest and she sat down beside him. Rey took Ben’s hand and urged him to come lay with her.

“Hold me,” She said. She felt Ben drifting away from her. “Please, Ben. I need you.”

Ben did as she asked and climbed into bed with her. Ben laid facing Rey, their noses nearly touching.

“I love you. All of you. Don’t hide from me.” Rey nearly begged. She remembered Padmé, how she pleaded with Anakin to just hold her and love her like he did when they were young. The parallel sent shivers down Rey’s spine.

“I love _you_.” Ben replied, pressing a soft kiss to Rey’s lips. “I know I can’t hide from you.” He added. Rey nodded, tearfully and nuzzled her face into Ben’s chest. Ben carded his fingers through Rey’s hair, now out of it’s usual updo.

Ben pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head, thinking deeply. It had felt good to let go for the moment being, but now he saw the damage he was capable of inflicting on Rey. Rey said she was fine, but that didn’t mean Ben didn’t feel guilty for leaving those marks on her. He could be so possessive at times that it was frightening. Ben’s biggest concern was that even if he didn’t hurt her, eventually he would scare her away. For now, he could indulge his darker side in the dim light of their bedroom. With Rey, he might be able to learn to control it. It all seemed very frightening in the meantime, though. Ben couldn’t lose Rey, he couldn’t watch her walk away again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the smut!! I don’t usually enjoy writing smutty stuff, but I felt like it was warranted and would be a good way to show Ben beginning to embrace both the dark and the light. anywayyyyy upcoming chapter should be more exciting!! I’m still figuring out my schedule for college, but once I know what’s going on, I’ll try to have a more consistent uploading schedule. PLEASE PLEASE share any and all ideas you guys have for this fic. I love hearing your thoughts and opinions and trying to incorporate them into this story :)  
> ALSO THOUGHTS ON ANOTHER FIC???  
> I have a couple of ideas floating around in my head at the moment, but basically I wanna write more true, angry Kylo stuff. I feel like I kinda skipped over a lot of that in this fic (but don’t worry...its coming back ;) )  
> I just wanted to know if you guys would want me to wait to start a new fic, or if you want to see it along with this fic. Let me know what you think!! Much love. Stay safe.


	18. For the Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey’s stress gets the best of her, and she and Ben learn something about their baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late upload. There is a lot that I’m trying to lay the ground work for and sometimes its a bit hard to write. Also American College is scary...hope you guys are staying safe out there!!

Rey was tired. Like, incredibly tired, which was to be expected given her current situation. Rey was slowly adapting to her changing body, which took a lot out of her. Her usual toned physic was beginning to falter. She could once see her ribs poking out, reminding her of a once haunting hunger. But now she never hungered for anything and she appeared more healthy than ever. It was exhausting, though, to watch helplessly as her body transformed itself to support the life growing within her. Rey could never get enough sleep, but was always far too busy to give her changing body any rest. She and Ben were still planning their wedding, as well as trying to form an entirely new system of government (which was a lot easier said than done). Rey had been pushing herself, a lot, and now she had begun to crash. She did her best to keep it together, doing all she could to keep Ben and Finn from fighting, while also attending to her duties as the future Empress of this New Republic. She was running on empty and it should have been obvious that she could not go on like that forever, yet Rey was still surprised when she found herself coming to an abrupt halt.

Rey had awoken far too early that morning, still scantly clothed in Ben’s embrace. She sighed, annoyed at her body’s need to wake her at such an early hour. Rey allowed herself to gaze longingly at her fiancé, so peacefully dreaming beside her. One of his arms was draped unceremoniously across Rey’s waist, while the other was tucked beneath his pillow. Rey’s nose gently brushed against Ben’s cheek as he slept, and she took a moment to admire him. Looking at Ben’s sleepy frame in their bed, she still couldn’t believe it was all real. She was pregnant and engaged, both by a man she once hated, or at least thought she hated. Rey couldn’t see how she could hate him now, their Force signatures crashing perfectly in the air around them. Her hand grazed Ben’s cheek while she watched him lovingly. He looked so innocent, lips parted and flushed pink, letting out gentle sighs. Rey wondered how someone like Ben could have become so corrupted, corroded by darkness. Rey loved Ben as he was. He was not the Ben Solo she had imagined or dreamed up in her head, but she couldn’t see how she could love that Ben anyway. She liked his darkness, his passion, his emotion. He wouldn’t be Ben Solo without that. Rey knew that there was always light in Ben, even when it was dim. Curiously, Rey reached out into Ben, searching for the light within him. She was pleased to see it shining brightly at her, almost as if it were calling for her. Rey closed her eyes and found herself reminiscing on her and Ben’s love. His smile, his touch. He held so much good in him. Rey drew her hand away as Ben shifted in their bed. She didn’t mean to disturb him. Rey let her fingers trail the nape of Ben’s neck, playing with the curls there. She was at peace, laying in his embrace.

Morning light turned into day all too soon and Rey eventually forced herself out of bed. Ben followed after her, both of them dressing alongside each other. Rey huffed as she searched through her clothes for something comfortable to wear that was formal enough for their meeting. She eventually settled on a pantsuit, much like the one she had worn the day prior, only this one was grey in color with more comfortable pants. Rey couldn’t believe how much her body had changed. Glancing in the mirror, she hardly recognized herself. Her belly was now well rounded, jutting out from her petite, yet strong frame. Ben, now dressed in his uniform, approached Rey with a fond gaze. He thought she wore pregnancy well. Rey appeared much more healthy than she had before and was positively glowing.

“Stop that.” Ben urged in a hushed tone. He hated seeing Rey pick herself apart in the mirror. Rey sighed, looking at Ben through the mirror. A hand rested on either side of her belly while she looked at herself. Rey turned to view herself from the side and was surprised, mouth falling agape, by how pregnant she looked. Before, her belly had been able to be hidden under flowey dresses and baggy clothes, but now there was no hiding from the fact that she and Ben were really going to have a baby.

“I am huge! I can’t even hide how pregnant I am any more.” She exclaimed. It wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. She was just surprised by how much her appearance had changed. And it was beginning to bug her how much pregnancy was slowing her down. Ben huffed a laugh and embraced her from behind, chin resting on her shoulder while they looked in the mirror.

“You look lovely, Rey. Pregnancy suits you well.” He said with a teasing glint in his eyes. He ran his hands up Rey’s sides, only to have them batted away playfully. Rey turned to face Ben.

“Don’t even think about it. We have a meeting to go to.” She warned, though her tone was far from scolding. Ben held hid hands up in mock surrender with a playful smirk.

“Yes ma’am.”

Rey was busy, seemingly always. She had yet to take a rest since she woke up that morning and stayed on her feet all hours of the day. Rey figured she could manage it. Plenty of women worked while pregnant, but Rey still had a hard time managing the stress of her job. Ben had attempted on more than one occasion to persuade Rey into taking a break, but it seemed nearly impossible. Rey walked alongside Ben to their meeting with the Resistance. She was quiet, trying her best to calm her nerves. Finn had been particularly stressful to deal with, especially after their last conversation. Ben could sense something was off. Rey was not herself, much more quiet and reserved than usual. He was reluctant to pry, but she seemed so…not herself. Ben stepped aside, letting Rey walk into the conference room before him. She smiled politely and walked over to her seat. Ben glanced over to his partner as everyone found their seats at the conference table. They still had to discuss the new republic and there were things they had yet to agree on. Ben watched Rey with cautious eyes. It wasn’t like her to be so quiet. He worried that perhaps he had said or done something to upset her, that something was wrong. Their wedding was coming up and they both were pretty anxious, with so much on their plates. Maybe she had changed her mind.

“ _What’s wrong?_ ” Ben asked through their bond, glancing over to her through the corner of his eye. His hand came to rest upon her thigh while he watched her with concern. Rey shook her head, trying to brush it off.

“ _It’s nothing. Just nerves_.” She soothed, her hand resting upon Ben’s. Something in her partner’s eyes said he didn’t quite believe that. Ben leaned his head down, lips ghosting the shell of Rey’s ear.

“How many times must I tell you, you cannot hide from me?” Ben murmured. Rey did not reply, and Ben sighed and pulled away. She could be terribly stubborn, much like himself. He wouldn’t push her any further. They would talk about it later.

The table filled out slowly. Finn and Rose seemed to be having some sort of quarrel, barely able to look at each other. Rey watched curiously, but tried not to invade their privacy. It just seemed odd. Things had been going so well between them. Rey could only imagine how difficult things had been back on base while she was gone. She inwardly cursed herself for making things so difficult for her friends. She left them. And she still felt guilty for it, especially after all the things Finn had said to her. Leia took a seat close to Rey and shot Rey a concerned glance.

“Are you feeling alright, Rey?” She asked. “You look pale.”

“She insists she’s fine.” Ben grumbled and Rey rolled her eyes, hand coming to rest over Ben’s own on her thigh.

“And _I am_. Theres just…a lot that needs to get done.” She answered. And it wasn’t totally a lie. She was incredibly busy. All the time, actually and it was certainly putting a lot of stress on her. Rey sat up a bit straighter, trying to force herself into a less pitiful state. She hated when she made people worry. Ben and Leia shared a glance and Rey gave a groan of frustration. They both knew her too well, but she couldn’t admit that to them at the moment. They had work to do.

“Can we please just get this cease fire signed? Then you two can bother me all you’d like.” Rey asked and Leia sighed. The document was presented in front of them, calling for an end to the war under the promise of a new government which would serve the people and not those appointed to power. Ben sighed and he signed the treaty before sliding it over to his mother. It was still so odd to see her so regularly. He hoped they might talk once this was all over about anything other that the state of the galaxy. Leia took the document and signed it quickly. Hux stepped forward to take the document. It would need to be shared with the galaxy and the orders would be carried out.

“This is ridiculous. A new government isn’t going to solve anything. This can only lead to more corruption.” Finn complained from his seat across the table.

“The day we stop believing democracy can work is the day we lose it.” The words came out of Rey’s mouth quickly, but they were certainly not her own. She was almost stunned by how easily the words slipped out of her mouth.

“Rey is right. We might not have all the answers, but we should at least try.” Poe added. Rey looked to Finn who was almost bubbling with frustration.

“What other option do we have?” Rose asked Finn, who sat with his arms folded across his chest.

“Rey is someone the people will be more than willing to follow,” Poe offered, glancing in Rey’s direction. She shifted in her seat at his words. Rey was not sure if she could truly lead the way the people needed her to, but she had to try. “This os for the good of the galaxy.”

“You guys are seriously giving in to this? Have you all forgotten what Kylo did to Han?!” Finn countered, standing from his seat. Rey shivered at Finn’s words and felt herself become nauseous. They all knew far too well that Han was dead and by whom hand he died. Rey felt Ben tense at his fathers name. Rey looked down at the table. It was not a subject she was ready to speak on, and Finn’s anger was beginning to scare her.

“Sit down, General.” Leia demanded, calmly but firmly. Leia tried to ignore Finn’s words, as did everyone else, but it was something that couldn’t be ignored. They had all thought about it. There was no way to ignore Han’s vacancy in the room.

Finn did not and Rey felt Ben shift in his chair beside her.

“Finn, do you really want to continue fighting this war? Letting people die?” Rey asked.

“Who do you think has been doing most of the killing, Rey? Or have you forgotten now that you whore yourself out for the dark side.” Finn’s words were sharp and hit their target, just as they were intended to. It was enough to get everyone on their feet.

“You have _no right_ to speak to her that way.” Ben was ready to destroy Finn. The only thing holding him back was Rey’s hand on his wrist.

“ _Don’t_ , Ben.” She warned.

“General, if you cannot control yourself for the sake of this meeting, I suggest you get your ass back on the Falcon.” Leia warned, tone dangerous and threatening. Finn shook his head and shoved his chair out from in front of him. Rose took a cautious step back, shocked by the outburst.

“All of you are willing to ignore what that _monster_ did to Han just to keep the peace. It is disgusting.” Finn spat. Ben stepped forward and Rey held onto his sleeve like a lifeline.

“Finn, this is not the time or place for this.” Rey warned. Her grip on Ben was tight but would not be enough to hold him back if Finn didn’t shut his mouth. And Rey wasn’t sure she’d even want to hold Ben back if Finn didn’t get ahold of himself. This was so unlike Finn and it frightened Rey.

“When would it be a convenient time for me to point out you are engaged to a murderer?” Finn countered and Rey’s expression turned cold. Finn could attack her character as much as he wanted, but she could feel how much his words stung Ben.

“What Rey does with her life is none of your business,” Poe defended. He reached for Finn’s shoulder. “We have much bigger problems at hand.” Finn shoved Poe off.

“We have all seen what he is capable of.” Finn moved from his side of the table and took a few steps in Ben and Rey’s direction. “And I won’t let it happen again.” Before Finn could do anything dangerously stupid, Finn was shoved by a gust of energy back across the room and through the glass wall of the conference room. It took an incredible amount of energy to push Finn through the Force and Rey was incredibly surprised to find that energy came from her. Rey felt her legs tremble beneath her from exertion. Ben stared at Rey in both shock and amazement. She had been growing quite powerful in the Force, but had yet to show her strength in such an impressive way. Rey opened her mouth to speak but stumbled. Her eyes fluttered for a moment and her legs could no longer hold up her weight. Ben and Leia were quick to catch Rey before she fell. Ben gathered his unconscious partner into his arms, looking over her with much worry. His head shot up for a moment after checking Rey’s pulse.

“Take him out of here.” Ben warned and Poe nodded, tugging Finn by his collar. The trio was escorted out by the knights of Ren who watched over them closely.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Poe shoved Finn once they were back in the guest area. “You can’t keep acting like this.”

“You’ve seen what he is capable of and you are willing to let him lead the galaxy?” Finn shot back. He was stood in the bathroom, cleaning a cut on his face. He wasn’t hurt badly, but he was still a mess.

“I know what he’s done, Finn, and no one is excusing that. He’s _trying_ , though, which is more than I can say for you.” Poe answered. He gave a look to Rose, who shook her head and stepped outside of the room. She needed to think for a bit. “Rey balances him. She keeps him in check, and she would never let him…She would never let him get like that again.”

“You don’t know that. We thought she could never leave the Resistance, but clearly she could. And if you think there isn’t darkness in her, you’re an idiot.” Finn looked up from the sink and his gaze met Poe’s. Poe’s expression fell, seeing how truly angry Finn was.

“She is our friend, Finn. You need to get your shit together, before someone really gets hurt.” Poe said, voice soft and sad. He shook his head and walked away. There was no use in arguing with Finn. And now he had made such a mess, and he, Rose, and Leia needed to clean it up.

Hour had passed since the incident and Ben was sat at Rey’s side in the med bay. She was still out cold, strands of hair plastered to her forehead from sweat. Ben gently swept them away and pressed a kiss to Rey’s temple. She seemed peaceful, finally, after weeks of stress. Guilt gnawed at Ben from the inside out. He had tried to keep Rey off her feet and from doing anything too strenuous, but he couldn’t keep an eye on her all the time. It was clear she was over exerting herself. Doctor Fabeel knocked gently on the door before stepping inside. Ben lifted his gaze from Rey to their doctor.

“Blood work came back alright, as did the ultrasound. She has been under a lot of stress which has lowered her immune system and it’s affecting the baby.” Doctor Fabeel explained. Ben sighed. He nodded slowly at the doctor’s words.

“She will need to take it easy for the remainder of her pregnancy. No more stress, no more fighting, and very little training. She should only be busy enough to get her daily exercise.” The doctor ordered and Ben nodded in understanding. Rey shifted in her sleep, eyes fluttering open from the noise.

“My apologies, Empress, we did not intend to wake you.” He said. Ben focused his attention on Rey, helping her sit up in her bed.

“It’s quite alright. Is the baby okay?” She asked, hand moving to support her belly. Her eyes were still tired with sleep and her face was flushed. Ben rubbed Rey’s back and looked over her carefully.

“Yes, Empress. I was just explaining that the stress is incredibly unhealthy for you both. You will have to take it easy on yourself these next few months,” Fabeel answered. “I also am able to tell you both the sex of your child, if you’d like.” Rey’s face beamed happily. She didn’t mind taking it easy. Well, she did, but was more excited about her baby’s health and the fact that they would finally know the sex.

“I’d love that.” Rey looked to Ben with excitement. He probably looked sick from all of his worry, but he smiled back at Rey. Ben looked to their doctor who stared at them with an amused smile.

“Well? What is it?” Ben asked expectantly. The doctor smiled and shook his head. He looked at his data pad and back to the couple.

“A girl. You will be having a beautiful baby girl.”

Laying in bed, Ben ran his hand over Rey’s belly lovingly. She had been dismissed from the hospital and asked to take it easy for the next few months. Rey reluctantly agreed. While she normally would have been annoyed by how pregnancy held her back, she was too enchanted by the fact that she was having a baby _girl_. Rey couldn’t help but be reminded of her vision from months prior. She should have known they would have a girl, just like they had in her vision. Perhaps Ben had been right all along. Ben had helped Rey change into something more comfortable, even parting with one of his shirts for Rey to dress in. Ben thought it might have been best if they postponed the cease fire until the next day or later that week. Rey was clearly tired and Ben needed to spend time with his wife, his family.

“I told you so.” Ben smirked and Rey rolled her eyes. Ben laid on his side, admiring his future wife. Rey was laid on her back, fingers thrumming a consistent beat on the roundest part of her belly.

“Oh shut up.” Rey complained, jokingly. She leaned up to press a kiss to Ben’s cheek and Ben’s smile widened. He let out a soft laugh, his nose crinkling up with amusement. Ben moved to nudge Rey’s cheek with his nose and pressed a kiss to her cheek. Rey smiled and turned to respond to Ben’s attention. Rey’s nose bumped Ben’s and she smiled.

“I’m glad you’re alright. You really scared me, you know.” Ben commented. Rey sighed and looked away, trying not to meet Ben’s eyes. She knew she was guilty of neglecting her own personal health and well-being.

“I know. I didn’t mean to act out like that. I’m not even sure how I managed to do that.” Rey explained. She looked up to meet Ben’s eyes once more. Rey had been so furious with Finn, it was as if she couldn’t even control herself. Ben gave her an amused smile.

“Your connection to the Force is stronger than ever. You’ve been understandably stressed and Finn was asking for it.” Ben replied. Rey sighed in response. She was worried for her friend. He had completely changed, like he had become someone else. She couldn’t believe how much things had changed between her and Finn. She could still feel him in the Force, but he was drifting away from her. He was so angry and she just couldn’t understand what it was that kept Finn from being more selfless. She had given up so much for the Resistance, yet Finn couldn’t set aside his anger for the sake of the galaxy.

“I don’t know what to do about him,” Rey admitted. “I feel like I have ruined our friendship. I let him down.” Ben scoffed.

“Rey, it is not your job to save everyone. Finn is a danger to himself. If he cannot move on from his anger, that says more about him than it says about you or your friendship.” Ben soothed. Rey knew Ben was right. It was just difficult for her to understand how things had gone so wrong. She ran her hand over her belly, smoothing out the fabric over it.

“We have other priorities. A family,” Ben explained. He leaned down to press a kiss to Rey’s belly, which left Rey a blushing mess. “Don’t let his anger burden you.” Rey knew what she had to do. As much as she wanted Finn to be at their wedding, it was unlikely she could allow him to come given all the stress he was causing her. Until Finn could get himself under control, he needed to stay away from Rey. Rey pouted and allowed her mind to wonder. She didn’t want to think about it any longer.

“You know, we’ll need to start thinking of baby names.” Rey changed the subject and watch as Ben’s expression quickly turned to one of awe and amazement.

“You’re right. As long as we both can agree that we are not naming her Poe.” He teased, making Rey laugh.

“Of course,” Rey hummed and Ben’s eyes glimmered with amusement. “I’m sure your mother will want to have a say.”

“She might have some good ideas.” Ben agreed. He let his hand intertwine with Rey’s upon her belly. He admired the image of her engagement ring on her finger. “Our wedding is only in a few days. Any regrets? Cold feet?” He asked, masking his insecurities behind a tone of genuine interest. She smiled down at their intertwined hands and shook her head.

“No. You’re my other half. I couldn’t be with anyone else.” Rey answered. She turned, adjusting their position so she could face Ben. “You?”

Ben gave a thoughtful look and shook his head. He huffed a laugh as the very idea. “Never. It’s always been you, Rey,” He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Always, you.”

“What is your problem, Finn? You’ve been acting like a prick since the moment we got here.” Rose complained. Finn had been insufferable lately. She had tried to ignore Finn’s snide comments, putting them off as Finn still adjusting to the situation, but it was becoming a bit much for her. Finn was a bit banged up from Rey’s forceful attack, and Rose honestly couldn’t say Finn didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t like Rose liked Kylo Ren or the First Order, or the fact that Rey was going to marry Kylo, but she knew that there was something bigger than her that she had to think about. Rose supposed she could set aside her feelings for the sake of the galaxy.

“She’s marrying a monster, Rose. Does that not disgust you?” Finn snapped.

“I don’t know him like she does, Finn. She is in a really shitty situation right now and she needs us to be there for her. She’s pregnant and all this stress cannot be good for her or the baby. We are trying to end a war here, Finn. Why are you so wrapped up in what Rey wants to do with her life?” Rose’s cheeks grew red with anger. Finn was being so unreasonable. She was his girlfriend and it seemed like now more than ever, all Finn wanted to talk about was Rey. She couldn’t stand it.

“I can’t be there for her knowing all the things she’s done with him.” Finn answered. He seemed cold as ice, not an ounce of compassion in him. Rose couldn’t believe the words she was hearing came from Finn. He was nothing like his normal self and quite honestly, he was starting to hurt her feelings.

“You know Finn, for someone that has a girlfriend, you sure seem to care an awful lot about who Rey is having sex with.” Rose crossed her arms over her chest. She expected some sort of reaction from her words, but received nothing but a knowing look from Finn. Rose’s mouth fell agape as she came to realize what this really meant. Finn wanted Rey. He was jealous. Rose took a deep inhale, blinking back tears that threatened to spill from her eyes. She scoffed, unfolding her arms to begin packing her things. She couldn’t stay in the same bed or room as Finn for a moment longer. Finn made no motion to stop her. Tears began to roll down Rose’s cheeks.

“When we get back to base, I don’t want to speak with you again,” Rose said coldly, throwing her things in her bag. She closed her bag, taking the few steps to the door. She took hold of the handle and paused before speaking. “She doesn’t want you, Finn. I hope she’s worth losing someone who did.” And with a slam of the door, Rose was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the sweetest comment the other day and now all I wanna do is write. I LOVE YOUR COMMENTS!!!! LIKE I WILL HONESTLY SIT AND REFRESH FOR DAYS AFTER I UPDATE BC I JUST LOVE HEARING FROM YOU GUYS! Please let me know if you guys have any ideas or head canons for this fic/ these characters!!! I love trying to incorporate them into this bc I usually am like, “YES YES I LOVE IT I NEED IT!!!”
> 
> Sorry if this chapter isn’t the best??? There was a lot I wanted to happen and it was hard to write! Also idk if you guys know this, but I have a Spotify playlist for this fic that includes hints to the future of this fic!! I put the link in the description of this fic if u guys are interested c:


	19. No One Fucks With My Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben realizes not everyone shares the same faith in Rey that he does. Rey deals with bed rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CRANKED OUT TWO CHAPTERS WOW

Rey was having a hard time with the whole, “relaxing,” thing. She was behaving herself, obviously. Rey would never put her baby in danger. She was just getting a bit…restless. Rey had been trying to keep busy as much as she could. Rey had been put on bed rest for a bit after her fainting spell and Ben had made it quite clear that she was to take it easy and not worry herself about things that he could handle. However, Rey was not able to follow those instructions quite as easily as Ben may have liked her to. She still worried, fretting over their wedding and the war, over Finn and everything going on. It was hard for Rey to just, “relax”.

“I can’t just sit here when there is so much to do. I am going to be your _wife_. This is a partnership.” Rey complained as Ben dressed one morning. She was laid up in bed while Ben got dressed. He adjusted his uniform in the mirror and sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment, thinking before he spoke. He knew things were difficult for Rey. Not only had she been under a great deal of stress, but she was pregnant and restless. It was difficult enough for her to work within the limitations of pregnancy and now she had been asked to limit herself further. It was not within his nature to rest and he knew it was certainly not in Rey’s either. They both liked to keep busy, especially while there was so much to do. Ben turned around to face Rey and he exhaled through his nose. Rey was incredibly beautiful, even while stressed and pregnant. He stepped over to her and sat beside her in bed.

“You’re right. This is a partnership,” Ben said and reached over to take Rey’s hand. “And as much as I want you at my side right now, it’s a lot of unnecessary stress for you and the baby.” Ben explained. Rey sighed and pouted. She didn’t like leaving all the work to Ben. She knew her partner was more than capable of getting things done on his own, but she enjoyed working with him. She enjoyed the change they could make together.

“Oh don’t give me that look,” Ben frowned at Rey’s pouty face. “Listen, anything that I think you really need to be there for, I’ll work on here with you, alright?” Ben offered. It wasn’t exactly what Rey wanted, but she would take what she could get. She nodded and Ben leaned in to press a soft kiss to her cheek.Rey felt herself blush at the contact. Ben pulled away with a subtle smirk. He smoothed out his uniform again before walking towards the door, leaving Rey on her own.

It went on like this for a few days. Ben would leave early in the morning, finalizing the details of their wedding and working with the Resistance on plans for the New Republic. Rey was bedridden and bored to death. She invested her time in reading, trying to prepare herself to for the responsibility of caring for a child. When she wasn’t busy, Leia would come sit with Rey to talk about a number of motherly and not-so motherly things. Rey loved how excited Leia seemed at the idea of becoming a grandmother. It really warmed her heart. Poe and even Rose would stop by with Chewie, occasionally bringing Rey a droid to tinker with to keep herself busy. Rey hadn’t seen Finn since the fight and she was a bit apprehensive about bringing him up, but after several days of not hearing anyone speak a word of him, she had to ask.

“Rose, have you…how is Finn doing?” Rey asked, hands buried in some poor droid’s insides. She lifted her gaze to gauge Rose’s reaction to her question. No one would tell Rey anything and she was beginning to think there was a reason for that. Rose froze for a moment, sat on the side of Rey and Ben’s bed. She sighed, and glanced over to Poe who was sat in the corner of the room, nosing through some books about pregnancy that Rey had showed him. His face was a mix of horror and intrigue. He looked up from the book and back to Rose.

“You should tell her.” Poe said. Chewie made a noise of agreement and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall beside Poe. Rey’s gaze flickered from the boys to Rose with confusion.

“Tell me what?” Rey asked, a bit irritated. She was so over being kept in the dark all the time. She was a grown woman! And ever since she got pregnant, everyone treated her like a fragile piece of glass, or a porcelain doll to be easily broken. Rose huffed and looked away.

“Finn and I broke up,” Rose stated, voice a bit callous. “He’s been avoiding us all like the plague. He won’t talk to anyone.” Rey couldn’t help but feel terribly guilty. Had she been the cause of their break up? Was she responsible for Finn’s new dark demeanor? Her heart sank in her chest and Rey set the droid aside to reach out to Rose and offer her a hug. Rose held up a hand of refusal. “It’s alright, Rey.”

“I’m so sorry, Rose. I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately he’s been…just so awful.” Rey frowned and let her hand rest on her belly thoughtfully. She knew this change in Ben couldn’t simply be from the ending of the war or the promise of a new republic. Something bigger was at play and Rey couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

“Listen, Rey. You can’t possibly allow yourself to take responsibility for him…for all of this.” Poe jumped in, sitting down the book of terribly graphic images. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to look at women the same way again.

“But what if it is my fault?” She asked and Rose shook her head, not looking at Rey. Rey’s frown grew and Poe walked over to offer some support.

“When are you going to realize that it’s not your job to save everybody?” Poe asked, sitting on the bed beside Rey. Rose stood up and excused herself from the room. Rey sighed and Poe placed a hand over Rey’s on her belly. “You have a _family_ now, Rey. You have to look out for yourself sometimes.” Rey sniffed, feeling tears well up in her eyes. Damn hormones. She nodded and pulled Poe into a hug. Poe hugged back and sighed. There was a moment of silence before either one of them spoke again. They broke away and Poe cleared his throat.

“So…those books. Is that really what’s gonna happen when you-“

“Yep.”

“And you can feel your, you know, st-“

“Mhm.”

“Oh God.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Ben really didn’t like working without Rey. He had done it before, of course, but it seemed things were different now. He felt less equipped to handle certain tasks without Rey’s insight. They got so much more done when they worked together and Ben just felt so much less productive on his own. Rey could easily see the things that Ben could not and helped him to stay on task when things were a bit overwhelming. He was certainly grateful that she would soon be his wife, forever his partner in life and in work. The idea made it a bit easier to get through all the work sat in front of him. Ben huffed, flipping through some reports on his data pad in his office. Ben did not look up as Hux entered the room. He simply sighed and continued to read.

“What is it, General? I am a bit busy at the moment.” Ben asked, not bothering to look up. The ginger man rolled his eyes and huffed at his leader’s lack of attention. He cleared his throat and stood a bit straighter.

“Supreme Leader, there are some concerns that I need to address with you regarding this…New Republic.” Hux answered. Ben’s brow furrowed and he slowly set down the data pad, glancing up at Hux from his seated position. There was a beat of silence.

“Well? Spit it out.” Ben ordered, a bit annoyed. He wasn’t trying to be such a dick, but he was tired and stressed, and honestly wasn’t really in the mood to hear more complaints about the new system of government they were trying to create. Ben was well aware things were not perfect. They had a lot of rebuilding that needed to be done before things could get any better. The general was a bit stunned by Ben’s snappy tone, but responded anyway.

“It seems that there are rumors that your little Jedi has turned you soft,” Hux answered, trying to hide the smirk from his lips. He didn’t really respect the all mighty Kylo Ren as a leader, and truthfully believed Snoke had equipped him better for the role as leader. But he couldn’t exactly stand up against Kylo’s strength and ability with the Force. He was more than happy to sit back and watch as Kylo led himself to ruin. He hardly needed to put in any effort himself at all. “And that she may have hindered your judgement.”

Ben sat back in his seat, glaring pointedly at Hux. It was easy to see the amusement glimmering in Hux’s eyes. Ben clenched his jaw, looking the general over.

“Is that so?” He asked, tilting his head and eyeing up the general. Hux almost shivered under Ben’s piercing gaze. The man held so much power and was so much stronger than him. While Hux was much more equipped to deal with military issues, Ben was the human embodiment of power and had proved his ability to destroy.

“Do you think I’ve gone soft, General?” He asked. Hux paused for a moment to clear his throat.

“She has certainly affected you, Supreme Leader,” Hux answered. “And we aren’t even sure of her ability to lead. She could barely handle those meetings and now she’s been placed on bed rest. I think the people might have a harder time accepting her as their Empress if they believe she has made you an incapable leader.” Hux answered, and Ben sat up from his seat. Walking around his desk, Ben watched Hux intently. The general gulped and tried to stand tall in the face of a man of such power. Ben sat on his desk, eyes darkening at Hux’s words.

“General, you may think you are much more equipped to be Supreme Leader, that I have gone soft,” Ben began. And with a look, Hux was slammed up against the wall through the Force, lifted up from the ground. Ben choked him, holding him to the wall by his throat.“But let me remind you that my fiancé will do anything and everything to protect the ones she loves. Even if that means she must step on a few toes to do it,” Ben watched Hux struggle to breathe, hands grasping his throat desperately. “So it would be smart of you not to question her abilities or my own.” Ben finished, letting the General fall to the floor. He gasped for air, hand on his throat. Ben watched the general with a certain darkness in his eyes. “She is a worthy ally, General. It might be good of you to try and play nice.”

The general looked up at Ben with an angry gaze as he tried to catch his breath. Ben stepped over the man in his way, walking out of the office and leaving Hux to collect himself.

Ben needed a break. He had spoken with his mother earlier in the day and she and Poe had gotten a group of people together to help find suitable senators for the new republic. It was promising. It seemed things were coming along well and soon they would be able to actually get some work done that the people could see. Ben found his way to his and Rey’s room.

Rey was sat up in bed, reading one of her books when Ben returned to their bedroom. She smiled, sensing his presence immediately. Rey lifted her gaze from her book to lock eyes with her almost husband, who looked a little worse for wear. She frowned and set her book aside. Rey patted the space on the bed beside her and Ben sighed, kicking off his boots and sinking easily into the soft bed. Ben sprawled out across the bed, limbs inhumanly long. He pouted and plopped his head into Rey’s lap unceremoniously. Rey felt a small smile of amusement creep across her face at Ben’s childish behavior. Ben laid on his side and tucked is legs in so that his limbs were no longer dangling off the side of the bed. Rey found her hands were drawn, almost magnetically, to Ben’s hair.

“Rough day today?” She asked, and Ben huffed. His nose nuzzled against Rey’s belly as he nodded. Rey sighed, pulling Ben’s unruly hair away from his face so she could get a good look at him. Ben looked a lot more like a toddler having a temper tantrum than an all powerful leader, but Rey thought it was kind of adorable. She continued to run her fingers through Ben’s hair, hoping it might soothe him in some way.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Rey asked. She was getting dreadfully bored and hoped she might be able to offer her partner some assistance, despite his desire for her to take a break. Ben sighed.

“Just need you.” He mumbled, arms coming to wrap around Rey in whatever way they could. Rey’s heart melted and she sighed, playing with Ben’s hair.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Dr. Fabeel eventually made the decision to allow Rey off of bed rest, and not a moment too soon. Rey had disassembled and reassembled so many droids and was beginning to look at the ships for her next project… His only orders were for Rey to continue to take it easy and for her to make sure she took good care of herself. Ben made sure the doctor’s orders were followed to a tee. The Knights of Ren were asked to look after Rey whenever Ben was not around. Rey was not to be left alone. Rey found the order a bit patronizing and made it known that she was more than capable of looking after herself. Of course, Ben was having none of it. He made his order and the Knights followed.

Thankfully for Rey, it seemed she was rarely away from Ben in the days leading up to their wedding. Everything was being set into place and the details were all finalized. Except Rey had not yet gotten to try on her dress. Usually women would go with their close friends and their mothers to pick out their wedding dress, but Rey did not have a mother. And she wasn’t too terribly sure she had many friends either. Rey hadn’t really gone shopping for a dress. She was pregnant and really didn’t expect to find anything that would fit her and still look the way she wanted. Rey was not a very traditional young lady and was a bit particular about what she wanted and certainly did not want. Zala had been incredibly patient with Rey and helped her get a good idea of what she wanted to wear for their private ceremony. Rey reminded herself that she would need to give Zala some sort of gift of gratitude. She was sure she was not easy to put up with as pregnant and hormonal as she was. With only a few days left to make alterations, Zala brought the dress to Rey and had asked if there were anyone she might want to have there to see it. Rey decided to invite Leia, of course, as well as Rose and the twins from the Knights of Ren. She hadn’t made too many friends yet, but was happy to have people there who could support her. Ben had excused himself to finish up some work. He had a few surprises left for Rey and was grateful for the opportunity to slip away, undetected. But before he could, Leia wanted to speak with him. Stepping out of the bedroom and into the room connecting Rey’s and Ben’s, Leia looked at her son with love in her eyes.

“We haven’t had much time to talk outside of those conferences. I hope right now is a good time.” Leia commented. She cleared her throat and took a seat on the couch, gesturing for Ben to follow her. Ben sat beside his mother, doing his best to stay composed. He kept his guard up with his mother. Of course, there was plenty of love in his heart for her, but Ben had been hurt before. He remembered feeling similarly when he and Rey first met. It was easier to keep his guard up than to be vulnerable to someone. Ben gave a curt nod in response. His mother sighed, hands clasped in her lap. Ben sat up a bit straighter.

“I know I was not always the best mother,” Leia spoke softly, looking down at her lap. “I made many mistakes, ones I wish I could take back,” Leia placed a hand on her sons knee, looking up at him with sincerity. “But I want you to know that I always loved you. You’ve _always_ been my son.” Leia assured. Ben looked down at Leia’s hand on his knee and let her words sink in.

“But I did such terrible things…how do I even begin to make right all the damage I’ve done?” He asked. There was so much pain inside Ben. He tore himself apart at night, long after Rey fell asleep. His mind was his own worst enemy these days. Leia sighed and gave Ben’s knee a squeeze.

“You already have, Ben. You are trying,” She answered. “I’ve known Rey for a long time, and I know that she would not have let herself love you if she didn’t see all the good you are capable of,” Ben felt his chest tighten at that. What had he ever done to deserve Rey? Leia tilted Ben’s chin up so she could look him in the eyes. “You might not have always made the best choices, but you have always had good in your heart. You are my son, Ben, and I am so proud of you and all the good you are trying to do.” Leia finished. Ben sat there for a moment, looking into his mother’s eyes before pulling her into a hug. Leia felt her heart warm from the gesture. She and Ben certainly had a long way to go in terms of healing their relationship, but this had certainly been a start.

“Thank you,” Ben murmured, before pulling away. He took a deep breath, composing himself. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to handle a few things, including fixing the broken glass in the conference room.” Ben said, standing up. He offered a hand to his mother to help her and she took it. Leia shook her head.

“I really don’t know what had gotten into General Finn. He has been…on edge since their little rescue mission. I don’t even know what to do with him at this point.” Leia said.

“I can think of a few things…” Ben grumbled. Leia shook her head.

“I’ll have a talk with him, see if I can get a handle on things.” Leia offered, and Ben nodded.

“If he can’t manage to keep his temper under control, I’m afraid I might not be able to either.” Ben commented, before giving his mother a nod, and leaving.

When Leia returned from her discussion with Ben, Rey was still getting dressed. Leia was happy to see that Rose had decided to be there for Rey. Leia had heard all about Rose and Finn’s argument and she was sure it wasn’t easy for Rose to be around Finn or Rey after that. Leia gave Rose a polite smile and Rose responded in kind. Cora and Alya introduced themselves to Leia. It was interesting to see those two words colliding. Cora and Alya had grown pretty close to Rey over her time with the First Order. They had done a great job of helping Rey get accustomed to the large base and they had both grown to respect the future Empress a great deal. The group had only just started up a conversation when Zala stepped out of the bathroom.

“She’s ready.” Zala stated, and the group waited anxiously as Rey followed Zala out of the bathroom.

Rey was truly a sight to behold. Her dark locks of hair were braided back into buns. Her dress was simple, long and flowy. A sweetheart neckline with sleeves that were off the shoulder, coupled with a porcelain colored fabric that flowed down Rey’s frame, hugging her belly. She was a goddess among mortals, an image of youth and fertility. Rey walked over to the full length mirror, staring in amazement at her reflection. The dress was simply beautiful and Rey really had a hard time believing this was all happening to her. She turned away from the mirror to look at Leia and her friends with teary eyes. No words had to be spoken. They all knew how amazing she looked. No one could deny that. Leia held her arms open and Rey ran into them, hugging her mentor tight.

“Thank you.” Rey breathed out, sniffling. Leia let out a tearful laugh.

“For what?”

“For Ben, for your guidance, for everything.” She answered and Leia sighed, hugging Rey close. Leia shook her head.

“No, thank _you_ , Rey, for never giving up on him.”

It took a while for Ben to set up his last little surprises for Rey, but once he had, Ben wanted nothing more than to just crawl right into bed with his partner. They had been working so hard to get everything finished in time and now they both finally had a few days to relax. When Ben found his way to his and Rey’s shared room, he was amused to find Rey talking to her belly.

“You are so lucky, you know that? Your father and I already love you so much.” She whispered sweetly. Ben smiled in amusement and crossed his arms, leaning up against the wall.

“She is going to be so spoiled.” Ben said, drawing Rey’s attention. She smiled, surprised by her unexpected guest.

“Done with all your secretive work?” Rey asked, sitting up in bed. “Dr. Fabeel said that it’s good to talk to the baby while she is still in utero. It’ll help her recognize our voices.” She added. Ben was so in love with this life he and Rey were starting. He was positively beaming as he walked over to his fiancé.

“Yes, finally,” Ben answered. He sat down beside Rey on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her belly. “You think she can really hear us already?” He asked, amazed by it all. The idea of being a father and having a child was all still so strange and new to him. Ben was incredibly invested in the development of their baby. He had even started reading all those baby books that Rey had been looking through. He felt it was important to be involved. Obviously he didn’t have the burden of carrying a whole human being and giving birth one day, so Ben felt the best thing he could do would be to educate himself and help Rey in every way possible. Rey shrugged and smiled.

“I’m not sure, but sometimes I can feel her move a bit when I talk. It’ll be a while before you’ll actually be able to feel her kick, but she is definitely getting stronger.” Rey answered and Ben looked on in curiously.

“Does she move when I talk?” Ben asked, looking up from Rey’s belly to meet her face.

“Give it a try.” Rey replied, gesturing to her belly. Ben’s brow furrowed for a moment. He wasn’t quite sure what to say to his future daughter. She would rely on him and require his protection. It would be Ben’s job to look after her. He didn’t want their baby to feel the way he once had. Ben sighed and moved a bit closer, leaning in to speak to their growing child. He took a deep breath, hands on either side of Rey’s belly.

“Hey there,” Ben murmured. Ben cleared his throat, brow furrowing for a moment. “I hope you’re behaving for your mother. She’s doing a lot to keep you safe.” Ben looked up at Rey, as if to ask if he was doing it right. Rey smiled fondly at her partner and nodded her head in encouragement. Ben looked back down and closed his eyes, as if it would help at all in his communication with his daughter.

“You’re going to be so beautiful. And so _loved_. I _promise._ ” Ben said softly. Rey shifted, feeling their daughter move around a bit in her tummy. Rey beamed with happiness and cupped Ben’s cheek.

“She loves you too.” Rey said. Ben leaned in to Rey’s touch and sat up to press a soft kiss to Rey’s lips.

“I can’t wait to start this life with you.” Ben admitted in a whisper against Rey’s lips. Rey felt her heart leap at Ben’s words and urged Ben to close the distance between their lips once again.

“Neither can I.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLS ENJOY NEXT FEW CHAPTERS WILL BE BUSY!!!


	20. A Red Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The big day has finally arrived, but things are never that easy for Rey and Ben.
> 
> WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS A SCENE OF ASSAULT THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING/DISTURBING FOR SOME READERS PLEASE HEED THE A/N WARNING IN THE CHAPTER IF YOU STILL WISH TO READ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg I have missed you guys so much I am so so so sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I suffered a really big loss in October and it caused a lot of mental health issues to return and I needed to focus on myself. BUT NOW! FINALLY! HERE IS THE WEDDING

As the wedding approached, Ben felt an impending sense of dread. It wasn't that he was dreading the wedding, of course not. It just seemed to Ben that as the day neared, the air was becoming thicker and thicker with tension. No one had really spoken with Finn since the incident. He had isolated himself, speaking only through harsh glances in Ben's direction when the group signed the peace treaty. He nearly growled when Rey signed it Rey Solo. If Ben were being completely honest, he wanted to pulverize the rebel, but that was not exactly the most diplomatic course of action. Ben had taken note of Finn’s strange behavior. He was sure the rebel was up to no good, but what proof did he have? And it wasn't as if Finn was the only one he had to worry about. While Ben had yet to mention his meeting with Hux to Rey, Ben was becoming increasingly aware of the opposition he and his partner faced. Ben did his best to keep a close eye on those around himself and Rey, but it was really making him just increasingly paranoid.

Ben groaned, holding his head in his hands. He was sat at the desk in his and Rey's bedroom, reading through a recent report of an uprising in small section of soldiers stationed at another base. He was exhausted. Ruling the galaxy was not as much fun as he had hoped it would be. Ben was surprised to feel Rey's gentle grip on his shoulders. She rubbed them comfortingly and Ben sat up, trying to relax into the touch. He sighed, and Rey gave her partner a sympathetic smile. Ben gave one back, a hand coming to rest upon one of Rey's.

"Thank you." Ben said. Rey hummed back in reply and leaned to press a kiss to the top of Ben's head. He closed his eyes, absorbing the feeling of comfort Rey provided him. Ben hoped that after their wedding he’d feel some sort of relief. Perhaps domestic life would bring him some sort of comfort. He was thankful that the day was not far away, and he and Rey would soon be together for the rest of their lives.

There were still a few little things Ben and Rey had to keep themselves busy in the days leading up to their wedding. It seemed nearly every galactic leader was desperate to get in the future Empress’s good graces, attempting to do so through a series of gifts for the expecting mother and child. The gifts had been piling up outside their bedroom and Rey had finally taken it upon herself to go through them all, with Ben's help of course. Ben carried a pile of boxes into their room, refusing to let Rey do it herself.

Rey plopped herself on the bed with a dozen packages and began looking through them. She had never seen so many pastel parcels in her whole life, nor had she ever received so many extravagant gifts. Rey smiled in adoration at a gift from the Queen of Naboo. It was a small dress, one that their baby wouldn’t be able to wear until she was a toddler, but it was adorable. The dress had a floral pattern and even came with matching socks. Looking at the little outfit, Rey could hardly believe her daughter would one day be big enough to fit into it. Rey draped the tiny dress over her belly and her face scrunched up in amusement. Her belly was barely as big as the dress. It reminded Rey that soon she would have a small being to take care of, one that would depend on her for everything. It was still so incredible to her. 

Ben watched Rey with admiration as she sorted through the many gifts they had been sent. Ben helped to sort out the clothing for the nursery. He decided to for himself that the nursery would be their next project after the wedding. Watching Rey, Ben hoped he would be a good father to a little girl. He had no experience really with children and felt a bit lost. He had no idea how to be a father. Ben had read all the books and did his best to prepare for their child’s arrival, but Ben still felt nothing if not ill-prepared. That didn’t mean he wasn’t excited though, by the idea of starting a family with Rey. He was just a bit apprehensive. Part of Ben felt guilty. Rey was already so invested in their child and her love for her, but Ben worried about his lack of connection to their child. He supposed that since Rey was the one carrying the baby, it made sense that she would feel so close and bonded to their child, but Ben still worried. What if he never shared that sort of close bond with their child? What if he ended up being just like his father? Ben shuttered at the idea.

“Have you thought of any new names yet?” Rey asked, folding the dress in her hands and setting it aside. Ben was drawn out of his thoughts at Rey’s question. He thought for a moment, walking over to their bed. He sat beside Rey, brow furrowed with thought. Since finding out the sex of their child, Ben and Rey had gone back and forth with ideas of baby names, but had yet to find one they really liked.

“I’ve found a few that sound nice but none that I think would fit our daughter,” Ben admitted. Their daughter would be a princess and deserved a name that fit her title “It seems an impossible task to name a princess.” Rey agreed, nodding her head and turning to look to her partner. Ben offered Rey a sympathetic smile. It had become quite the task, naming their child, but they still had time to decide. Their daughter would be a princess. It seemed like such a big title for a child. She’d also be the daughter of two important fighters. Ben knew far too well what it was like to live in the shadow of your parents.

“I just worry that she will feel like there is some sort of expectation for who she’s meant to be since she has us for parents.” Ben added. Rey sighed. It was something she had thought of many times before. It would be something they would have to consider when raising her. “I feel the same. I hope she will be able to grow to be her own person, autonomous from us.” Ben hummed in agreement. Ben joined Rey in her sorting and the couple discussed other topics of interest, such as their wedding and all the lovely things they dreamed about for their child.

“I never thought my life would turn out like this,” Rey admitted as she opened another package. “That I’d be engaged and pregnant, that you and I would…” Rey searched her head for the right words to say but found herself less eloquently spoken than usual.

“It’s just strange how life works out,” Rey stated. Ben nodded, feeling just the same. He frequently found himself in awe, usually in the moments just before Rey awoke, when he was laid next to her in bed, of how his life had turned out. Of course, he had always felt himself being drawn to Rey, but never did he think he would be lucky enough to marry her.

“Do you regret any of it?” Ben asked, looking over his partner. Her life had been completely turned around by him. Ben felt himself grow a bit self-conscious at the thought. Though Rey was not one to stay quiet when she was upset, Ben wondered if years later she would grow to resent him. Rey scoffed at the question and sat aside the letter she had been thumbing through. She looked over to Ben, cupping his cheek in her hand. Ben’s hand rested atop hers and he leaned into the gentle gesture.

“Ben, you have given me everything I ever wanted but never thought I could have. I could never regret any of what brought me to you.” Rey answered earnestly. Ben sighed and turned to press a kiss to the center of Rey’s palm. Rey hummed in amusement and smiled fondly at Ben. Her words were enough to ease his anxieties. For now.

“I’m not going,” Finn stated blatantly to the figure behind him. He threw his few items into his bag half-hazard. 

“I wasn’t going to ask you to, Finn,” Leia replied. Finn froze for a moment at the sound of her voice and set down his bag, turning to face General Organa. Finn swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to convey the firmness of his statement through his posture.

“Then what are you here for?” Finn asked cautiously.

“I’m here to ask you to stop acting like a spoiled child who didn’t get what they wanted.” Leia replied, arms crossed. Finn clenched his jaw at the general’s words. He met her gaze with annoyance.

“That’s not what this is about.” Finn replied firmly, before turning his back to the general and continuing to collect his things. Leia scoffed and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“You forget who you are speaking to. It is quite obvious that you have feelings for Rey, as much as you might be hesitant to admit it,” Leia replied. She straightened her posture, annoyed by the disrespect she had received from Finn. He had caused a great deal of trouble for the rebels and made it incredibly difficult to execute this peaceful cease fire. He would no doubt be demoted upon their return to base, especially if his behavior continued.

“If you are to continue as acting general, you need to get a hold of your emotions,” Leia paused. “I am aware of your distain for my son and the First Order, and while I do not agree with the things the First Order has done, it is quite obvious that Rey had had a great effect on my son. He has changed, just as you once did. It seems like now; you are the one who cannot control their emotions.” Leia added, tone cold and firm. She had repressed her emotions for ages while fighting against the First Order. She had a duty to the people to put aside her love for her son in order to restore peace to the galaxy. It was frustrating to see Finn acting so selfishly.

“You know what he is capable of. I’m sorry that I find it foolish that I am the only one around here that has doubts about Kylo and Rey’s judgement,” Finn replied. He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to face Leia.

“Have you ever considered that you might just be so pathetically hopeful that he’s changed, that you’d be willing to ignore all the evil he has within him?” Finn’s tone was ice cold and his eyes held not a trace of light. Leia’s mouth fell slightly agape at the accusation. She took a sharp inhale, shielding her heart from the harsh words.

“You are straying farther and farther from the light, Finn,” Leia warned.

“You are capable of great things, but you continue to allow your greed, your anger, your _**lust** _to get in the way of not only your own success, but your friendships.” Leia let herself soften, beginning to understand the root of all Finn’s outbursts and anger. Finn’s expression faltered at Leia’s words, but only lifted his bag as it slipped down his shoulder.

“So what do you want me to do General? Ignore the fact that my best friend is about to marry our worst enemy? The man who killed Han?” Finn asked, and Leia shook her head and sighed.

“No one is asking you to like him, or to forget the things he has done. In fact, we should all remember that,” Leia replied slowly. She took a few steps towards Finn and let a gentle hand rest on Finn’s shoulder.

“All I am asking is that you be respectful, and act with the integrity I know you have. You don’t have to come to the wedding, but I know Rey would be happy to see you there.” Leia answered. Finn thought for a moment but gave a firm nod.

Leia gave Finn a sympathetic and motherly gaze, before leaving Finn to sit with his thoughts. Finn sat in silence for a moment before throwing his bag at the wall, knocking a vase to the ground and shattering it into thousands of pieces. Frustrated, Finn turned away from the mess and looked out the window of his room. The window surveyed the garden where the wedding would be held. He was quickly drawn to the sight of Rey who wandered aimlessly amongst the tall grass and flower beds. Finn sighed at the sight of her. He needed to take action, and fast. But what would that action be?

Long brown hair was pulled back into buns, a few pieces braided back. The neckline of the dress left freckled shoulders and collar bones exposed. The sleeves of the dress started at her shoulders, a silver band holding the fabric there. The fabric flowed freely up to her wrists, where it ended, fitted nicely to her wrists. Rey twisted her engagement ring around on her finger as she stood in front of the mirror. There was no denying how beautiful Rey looked. The wedding had been a long time coming, and Rey had been looking forward to it. She was more than ready for Ben to be her husband. It was somewhat amusing to her that, as untraditional as they both were, they would have a fairly traditional union. Rey would cherish the bit of structure and tradition in her life. Gods, did she need it. Rey’s hands smoothed out the fabric over her bump. The changes in her body still were so new to Rey. Looking in the mirror, Rey could hardly recognize the person looking back at her. She was still getting used to all the changes to her body. It seemed like every day she became more and more unrecognizable. It was strange to her. The door to the bedroom creaked open and Rey smiled softly at Zala who stood in the doorway and at her side stood General Organa.

“Need any help?” Zala asked. Rey shook her head, a few waves of hair falling in her face. She was beaming even brighter at the sight of her mother-in-law.

“Do I look alright?” Rey asked awkwardly and a bit flustered. Zala smiled comfortingly and nodded, taking a few steps into the room, Leia following behind. She closed the door and walked over to Rey. Zala smoothed the fabric over Rey’s arms and stood back, admiring the outfit as a whole.

“I think you look lovely.” Zala answered truthfully.

“You really do, dear.” Leia added and Rey smiled.

“Thank you.” Rey replied. She took a deep breath and one last look in the mirror before turning to Zala and Leia. She nodded kurtly.

“Alright I’m ready.” Rey stated. Zala smiled and Leia glanced over to a vase of flowers on Rey’s dresser.

“Wait, one moment. Sit here.” Leia asked, gesturing to an ottoman beside a chair. Rey did as Leia suggested and Zala stepped out of the way with a smile.

“I will leave you to it.” Zala said, stepping away to go guard the door. Rey smiled, looking at herself and Leia in the mirror. She watched as Leia wove flowers into Rey’s hair, complementing the lack of color in her dress. She really was beginning to look like a goddess.

“Thank you.” Rey said softly as Leia ran her fingers through Rey’s wavy hair.

“Of course.” Leia replied. She worked quickly, but gracefully. Rey relaxed at Leia’s efforts. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, Rey saw a glimpse of a young Padmé, a private wedding. Rey’s heart softened at the similarities between herself and such a powerful woman. Rey watched through the mirror as Leia continued to fiddle with her hair. Rey couldn’t remember her parents and never had the chance to experience a mother-daughter relationship, but Rey could only imagine that it might feel akin to her bond with Leia. Rey felt a swell of emotion within her. Although she wasn’t sad, tears brimmed Rey’s hazel eyes, threatening to spill over. Leia finished the braid and let it fall at Rey’s back. She gave Rey a fond, softened gaze in the reflection of the mirror. Leia stepped aside to pull Rey into a hug, which Rey eagerly accepted. She buried her face into the crook of Leia’s neck and sniffled.

“No tears, dear. It’s your wedding day.” Leia soothed. Rey nodded into Leia’s shoulder and pulled away. She sniffled and wiped her nose. Rey shook her head.

“I know. I’m not even sad, honestly. Just…”

“Overwhelmed.” Leia offered, and Rey nodded. Leia hummed in understanding and took Rey’s hands gently, helping her stand.

“You are going to do great things together. I have never met two people more well suited for each other than the both of you.” Leia promised. She pressed a kiss to the top of Rey’s head and Rey smiled softly, cheeks aglow.

Leaving the bedroom, Rey was walking on air. She was no longer weighted down by her anxieties or responsibilities. For the next few moments, all she had to do was marry her other half, to do something for herself instead of others. The garden was thoroughly dazzled with candles and decorative bouquets, similar to the one Rey held in her hands. She inhaled slowly, eyes flickering over the floral display. She exhaled and let her eyes finally find the tall, dark figure waiting for her at the end of the isle. Rey’s calm and collected composure deteriorated quickly at the sight. Rey’s heart lept in her chest and her mouth went dry, Well. She certainly hadn’t expected Ben to look that incredibly delicious in a suit. Ben rarely wore actual suits. When he was asked to appear at special events or gatherings, Ben was usually dawned in his uniform and intimidating mask. He was Kylo Ren, a powerful and threatening figure. To see him dressed in anything less than that would be unheard of. It was even seen as a political statement when Ben stopped wearing his helmet. Now here he was, just a man. A man ready to marry his wife. He was stood there, dawned in a smooth dark suit with a gold tie. The way he looked at her was the way every woman wanted to be looked at. He wanted her, desperately. And not in the way most men wanted her. Ben wanted Rey for her soul, her heart, and everything good and bad within her. He was her everything, and Rey suddenly couldn’t see her life with anyone else or any other way. Rey turned quickly to her mother-in-law, amazed by her partner’s appearance. Leia gave Rey an amused glance, before taking her seat at the ceremony. Rey let go of Leia’s hand and watched as she stepped away. Rey looked around, thankful to see R2-D2, Poe, Rose, to see even Chewie. There was a certain vacancy that she did her best to ignore as she took her first steps down the isle.

Gravel moved beneath her feet as she stepped down the path. Rey turned to meet her friends gaze as she walked. Rose and Poe smiled brightly at Rey and there was nothing but warmth and love in the air. Rey did her best not to stumble or embarrass herself as she joined Ben at the end of the isle. She looked up from where she had been previously looking at her feet and finally made eye-contact with her partner. He gave Rey a reassuring smile. “

Hi.” Rey said, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

“Hi.” Ben replied, taking her hand as it left her hair and holding it in his own.

Rey’s cheeks heated and her smile was uncontrollable. She was nearly radiating joy and light and love and it was felt by everyone around her. Ben beamed back, reflecting Rey’s contagious energy. Rey looked back out to their small audience and once again felt her heart ache at her friends absence. Rey turned back to her partner and Ben gave Rey a sympathetic gaze and squeezed her hands gently.

“ _Don’t let it ruin our day_.” Ben urged gently. Rey nodded in reply. She really had no reason to expect a change heart from Finn. While It crushed her inside, she could not allow Finn to upset her any further. It was her wedding day. Rey deserved to be happy. Rey finally took a moment to acknowledge the man to her left and smiled kindly at the minister. He would be conducting their wedding and giving them some sort of structure to go off of. The man smiled back politely and nodded, addressing the room.

“We are gathered here today to bear witness to this couple as they become one for the rest of time, for all eternity,” The minister spoke. “Through trials and tribulations their love will conquer all that is set before them. Today as they exchange their rings they will bind them selves to one another. They will form an everlasting union.” The minister spoke. Rey’s heart quickened at the words. She and Ben already were one when it came to the Force, and now they would be one in the eyes of their peers, in the eyes of their people, and any Gods or Goddesses that bared witness to their union.

“Now if there are no objections to this union, I believe the bride and groom have written their own vows.” The words hung in he air for a moment and Rey felt relief at the silence that continued. The minister nodded and gestured for Ben to speak. Ben cleared his throat, removing a folded piece of paper from his pocked, as well as a ring.

“I was fortunate enough to be born to parents with wealth and knowledge. I traveled light-years across many galaxies and met many people, many creatures, many races. I had everything and saw all that I thought the galaxy held for me, and yet it took meeting you to show me what I was missing.” Ben spoke tenderly, as if it were just him and Rey and no one else. Rey’s eyes were already welling up with tears.

“You showed me light and love and compassion. You taught me empathy, taught me to appreciate every second, every breath. As impossible as it seemed that we might ever be together, you taught me to hold out hope for better and brighter days even when I thought they would never come.” Ben sniffled a bit and looked up, trying to bat away any tears. He took a breath. “I am by no means a perfect man. I have stolen, I have killed, I have caused a great deal of destruction and chaos and even in this moment I feel this darkness inside me.” Ben placed a hand to his chest, paper crumpling.

“But you have helped me to acknowledge this darkness instead of ignoring it. You have taught me to forgive myself rather than to punish.” Ben sighed.

“Rey, I promise you that I will always do my best for you, that I will have patience, that my heart will always lie with you, that there is no one that could ever replace you in my life.” Ben sniffled.

“You have changed my life and my world entirely and I do not ever want to spend a day where I am not yours and you are not mine.” Ben took Rey’s hand and began slipping a simple, but beautiful ring onto her finger as he spoke.

“While we are bound through force, we are also bound by love and I truly cannot thank you enough for bringing this love and your light into my life.” Rey nearly choked as the ring slipped onto her finger and she desperately tried not to pull Ben into a kiss right then.

With a few sniffles, Rey managed to pull herself together and to share her own vows. “Never in my life did I think that I would end up a married woman. I never thought that it was in the cards for me or that I would ever find someone who I could tolerate long enough to get married to them.” This earned a few laughs and a huff from Ben.

“When I met you, I thought I hated you because that's what I was taught to do and as time went on I grew frightened of how drawn to you I was. I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was not meant to be the Jedi everyone needed. When we finally began to talk and develop this connection, I was amazed by how similar we were while also being so completely different from one another. You brought out the best in me and also the worst. You taught me to love myself and to forgive myself. You taught me to embrace my darkness. You showed me that feeling was a power instead of a weakness, and that although I sometimes feel like I am still some dirty scavenger, that I am far more powerful and capable than that.” Rey stated firmly and Ben nodded, squeezing her hands. Rey reach out to R2 who opened a small compartment, revealing her wedding band for Ben.

Rey smiled and began to place it on Ben’s finger. “As I start this life with you Ben, I vow to be your partner in all that we do, to be loving and kind and strong in the moments that I need to be. I promise to love you in the ways you deserve to be loved and to grow with you until death do we part, because there is no one else I could ever love the way I love you.” Rey finished, letting the ring sit on Ben’s hand.

Ben beamed at Rey and took her hands in his again, squeezing gently.

“That was beautiful from you both. Now, as you have promised to maintain your union, your love, your trust, and your respect for each other, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride.” The minister stated.

In a flash, Rey was swept up into Ben’s arms, lips pressed against his passionately. The cheers of their family and friends became a blur in the background as Rey and Ben finally embraced. All the late nights of planning and all the silly arguments finally come to fruition. Rey and Ben were finally wed. Ben smoothed out the front of his jacket and tried his best not to look completely smitten. The glow of candle light made Rey look positively ethereal, and Ben knew he could never compare to the good and the light inside of her. The orchestra began playing bright and lively music as the couple shared their first kiss. It was like something out of a film. Nothing could compare to the amount of love felt by the two of them in that moment.

Rey squealed gleefully as her feet finally felt solid ground again. She smoothed out her gown and reached up to cup Ben’s cheek, kissing him again. Although the two of them still had quite a bit of work ahead of them, they could enjoy the night together and celebrate their love.

The moment Rey’s hands left Ben’s, she was fawned over by her friends and guests. Rey blushed at the attention, while Ben smiled in amusement. He was happy to see Rey surrounded by the people she cared about. The music continued playing and everyone began swaying, dancing, celebrating. Ben stayed off to the side until a guard walked over to him, murmuring something important in his ear. Ben’s eyes did not leave Rey as he nodded and thanked the man. Ben cleared his throat, walking over to his wife and her friends. He smiled with amusement as he stepped closer to Rey and Poe who were having a rather interesting conversation.

“You know marriage was originally used as a way to trade women.” Rey mentioned and Poe scoffed.

“Earth was so fucked up…”

At dinner, Ben’s hand would rest on Rey’s thigh, or it would be intertwined with hers in his lap. He could hardly keep himself away from her for even a moment. She was his everything. Rey couldn’t help but keep glancing over at the empty table seat where Finn should have been sitting. She wasn’t surprised, but it still hurt. She had sacrificed so much for him, why couldn’t he be the least bit selfless? The table was covered in a dark red cloth. Conversation flowed easily and Rey felt her nerves dissipate when she let all thoughts of Finn leave her mind.

Ben had asked that they not be disturbed for the evening, making it that much more irritating when General Hux interrupted the group mid-dinner. Ben tried to stifle a sneer, and Rey was quickly put on high alert. The table went quiet, conversation softening as the general whispered something incoherent to Ben. Ben huffed, clenched fists hitting the table. This was the night of his wedding and all he and Rey had asked for was to not be bothered. Of course, something had to some up, though. It couldn’t be that easy. Ben looked over to his wife with an apologetic expression. Pressing a quick kiss to her temple, Ben excused himself from the table. Rey frowned when Ben stepped away.

She looked over to Leia and both shared an unfortunate glance. This would be something Rey would need to get used to. Rey watched Ben carefully through the glass window while he and Hux spoke. She tested their bond, looking at him with a dutiful gaze and was frustrated to find it cloudy, unclear. The glass in Rey’s hand, filled with a berry colored liquid, splashed as she slammed it onto the table. Rey was quick to calm herself and flashed a fake smile to her confused guests.

“Sorry.” She quickly apologized. Everyone seemed to move on as if nothing happened and Rey chewed at her lip, trying to do the same. The seat beside her stayed empty for an uncomfortable amount of time before Ben returned and was greeted with smiling faces. Ben smiled back politely, though he felt Rey’s curiosity jabbing him impatiently. Ben reached out to hold Rey’s hand again as he sat. Rey gave it to him, glancing at their intertwined hands suspiciously. Never before had Ben purposefully kept her from hearing his thoughts or testing their bond, yet here he was on the day of their wedding hiding something from her. What could it be? It clearly wasn't anything good, given Ben's clenched jaw and stiff posture. She needed to know. Rey decided not to cause a scene though, and put off asking for another time.

Dinner finished slowly and eventually the guests and the couple separated to go their own ways for the night. Rey tried to appear cool and collected, seemingly unbothered by her new husband‘s deceit. As the door to their shared bedroom shut, Rey move to the foot of the bed, hand running across the fabric of the sheets. She tried not to smirk as she heard the familiar sound of the door locking behind them. Soon Ben’s arms were embracing her from behind, his head and chin resting on her shoulder. They swayed gently, side to side. Rey hummed contently, inhaling Ben’s cologne. She leaned into his touch, relaxing. His warmth could be felt through their clothing, radiating all the love he felt for dear Rey. She turned around in his embrace, arms coming to link around his neck. They swayed slowly to a distant song and Rey hummed along as if she had known it all her life. Ben leaned down, forehead meeting Rey’s.

“I can’t believe you’re mine.” He uttered, voice sending chills up Rey’s spine. She smirked at her partner and leaned in as if to press her lips to Ben’s, but stopped. Lips brushing Ben’s, she spoke.

“Well you better believe it. You’re stuck with me.” She smirked and leaned in to kiss Ben. He chuckled and wrapped his tightly around her. Though Ben wanted to throw her into bed, the night was young and he still had something for her. Rey watched Ben’s face carefully as they parted.

“What is it?” Rey asked, brows furrowed with concern. Ben shook his head and cupped Rey’s cheek. “No, no. It’s alright. I have a gift…sort of.” Ben answered. Rey was still not convinced. She scrunched up her nose. A gift? He didn’t need to give her a gift. And even so, why did he need to step away to give this gift to her? Ben shook his head and smiled.

“Come with me.” He requested. Rey had already kicked off her shoes, but followed Ben out onto the balcony from their room and down a few steps into the grass. The couple took a few steps out into a private area, dimly lit by fairy lights. Standing there, Rey was surprised to see Finn, dressed nicely from head to toe with his hands in his pockets. Rey quickly turned to look at Ben.

“He promised he’d be on his best behavior.” Ben answered. It was clear he wasn’t all that excited by the idea, but he knew Rey cared very deeply for Finn. Rey gave Ben a sympathetic gaze and a quick kiss before turning to run to Finn. Finn smiled brightly at Rey. She was stunning in white, and it had been so long since they had seen each other on good terms. Finn opened his arms to embrace her. He stumbled back a few steps, surprised by how much bigger her bump had gotten since they last saw each other. He still held her close, head buried in her shoulder. The two took a moment before parting.

“You’ve grown.” He said with amusement. Rey looked down at her belly and gave a laugh, smoothing out the fabric covering it.

“Tends to happen,” She replied with a shrug. Her amusement faded slightly as she looked at her friend. “Where have you been?” She asked. Finn let out a sigh. He looked away and shrugged.

“General things. You know how it is.” Finn answered, though Rey knew it was a lie. She didn’t press, but watched Finn with concern.

“I’ve missed you.” Rey admitted. As frustrated as she had been with Finn, she had hoped he might come by to apologize or to talk. They were friends after all. She watched Finn’s expression shifted with emotion that she couldn’t quite place. Finn held out a hand to Rey.

“May I have this dance with you, _Empress_?” Finn asked. Rey looked at Finn curiously. She turned to give a hesitant look to Ben. Ben offered a nod of his approval. He was close enough to watch over the two of them, but far enough away that he wasn’t invading in on their conversation. Rey turned back to Finn and took his hand. Finn held her hand gently and the two began to sway to the music in the distance. Rey eventually let her head rest on Finn’s shoulder as they danced. She really had missed him. Finn sighed softly and closed his eyes for a moment as they danced.

“Do you always have to ask his permission to dance?” Finn asked suddenly. Rey was surprised by Finn’s voice and his question. Her face scrunched in confusion and she pulled away, still swaying with Finn.

“Of course not, but you can’t pretend he doesn’t have reason to be concerned.” Rey scoffed. She watched a flicker of anger cross Finn’s face.

“And you can’t pretend I don’t have reason to worry about you marrying him.” He shot back. Rey flinched at the heat of Finn’s words. His grip on her hand tightened.

“Finn, you’re supposed to be my friend.” Rey spoke in a pained voice. “What is going on with you?” She questioned. She thought for a moment before looking into her bond with Finn. She was shocked to find cold darkness waiting to greet her. Finn fought her intrusion and shook his head.

_**(A/N THE REST OF THIS SCENE AND CHAPTER CONTAINS ASSAULT AS WELL AS TALK OF ASSAULT IF THIS IN ANY WAY MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE, PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)** _

“Do you really think this is what the Force wants? That you two are meant to be? What about us, Rey? We had a Force connection too!” Finn nearly growled. Rey tried to pull her hand away from his grip, but it was too tight.

“Finn, what we had was something different…” She answered. Rey could hear Ben’s footsteps coming over towards them.

“It was supposed to be us, Rey. We were going to end this together.” Finn’s words and voice bordered on desperate and his hand caressed Rey’s cheek. Rey suddenly felt ill as she tried to push him off her.

“No Finn, It was never going to be us. Not now. Not ever.” Rey answered through gritted teeth. As pregnant as she was, she was defenseless against him. Ben was quick to step in, shoving Finn through the Force and onto the grass (into it really) like Rey had with that glass window. Ben watched Finn with a cold stare that warned him that he better start running.

Rey gasped and nearly fell to her knees. Ben was quick enough to catch her and hold her protectively. Rey let out a sob she didn’t know she had been holding in. Ben watched the Knights of Ren collect Finn as he ran his hand up and down Rey’s back. He felt awful. Of course he didn’t trust Finn, but he had hoped the man was good enough to stick to his word, at least for Rey. Ben had hoped that seeing Rey would be enough to make Finn behave himself. Ben held Rey tight and ushered her back to their room.

“I thought he was good, I thought he cared about me.” Rey sobbed into Ben’s chest.

“I’m such an idiot.” She croaked. Rey had hoped Finn might get over his jealousy, that he could be happy for her. They were friends and Rey truly hoped he might be able to see the good in Ben. It was so foolish of her to believe Finn would change for her. Rey felt sick and dirty. The way he grabbed at her, like she were goods in a marketplace… Ben shook his head and tucked away a rouge hair from her braid.

“You did nothing wrong. I was an idiot for letting him anywhere near you.” Ben replied. Rey shook her head and moved, letting Ben pull Rey into his lap.

“I looked inside, Ben. He has lost almost all his light.” She murmured. Ben stayed quiet, holding her gently and tracing soothing patterns on her skin. He pressed a kiss to her shoulder, thinking.

“It is not your job to save everyone.” Ben reminded her softly. The words took a moment to soak in. Rey nodded. Her husband was right. Those words had been said to her before, but now she knew they were true. She was pregnant. She was an Empress now. She had responsibilities and although she wanted to save Finn from the darkness inside him, she could not risk endangering her daughter or the Republic they were building.

Rey and Ben eventually undressed and changed into their sleepwear. All Rey wanted was to be held by Ben, as if his touch could erase the damage Finn had done. Sitting in bed, Ben helped Rey undo her hair. He would have to get used to it if he were to have a daughter. Once he was done, Rey and Ben crawled into bed. Rey faced Ben, their noses nearly brushing.

“I love you.” Rey murmured. In Ben’s arms, she felt much safer. Their legs intertwined and Ben pressed a kiss to the tip of Rey’s nose, bringing a smile to her face.

“I love you too.” He replied and Rey beamed. Ben admired the girl laying in bed beside him. It was still so remarkable to him that this was all real. Rey was his. He was hers. They were starting a family. Ben let a hand rest on the side of Rey’s belly, feeling the flutter of movement coming from inside.

“She knows its you.” Rey reminded Ben. “I’m sure she can’t wait to meet you.” Ben’s heart melted at that. He looked at Rey’s belly lovingly.

“I can’t wait to meet her either. I promise, I will spend the rest of my life loving you both, protecting you.” Ben reminded Rey, looking back up to her. Rey’s expression softened and she kissed Ben passionately. Ben and Rey spent the rest of the night laying in each others arms and talking about everything and nothing at all. While the events that had occurred earlier in the night haunted Rey, she felt safe in Ben's arms. She knew he would protect her. Even though Finn was gone she still worried about him. Although what he did to her scarred her, she was also very concerned about the growing darkness inside him. She knew she couldn't do anything to help at the moment but knowing that he was capable of becoming just as evil as Kylo terrified her. For the moment though he was out of her hands and Finn would have to fend for himself. Rey only hoped that he might be able to save himself somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! please let me know what you want to see in future chapters and how you felt about this one!!!!


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